topic change.. phone calls, yelling, cussing.

Pamelacake

This happens often between BM and 8yo, sometimes even with 6yo. It happened last night and BM sent a text after the call was ended telling me I needed to tell SD the BM wasn't a bad mom and make her call BM back and apologize to her. WTF.

BM called and just screamed at SD. It was horrible.

Ilumine

Check out the laws in your state.  But it could be that you are within your legal rights to videotape what happens in your house, to include your children.  

So start taping your SD's side of the phone calls.  This can show that your SD is not the one in the wrong, but more importantly how she reacts to her BM's vitriol. 

You probably wont be able to use it in court, but it can be used when you deal with BM.  

BM calls and immediately screams at SD unprovoked.  

SD, in tears hangs up.

BM emails you telling you to have SD apologize. 

YOU email BM back with a copy of the email telling her that since SD did absolutely nothing wrong in this exchange, there will never be an apology. 

DO NOT MAKE ANY ACCUSATIONS/IMPLICATIONS/SNIDE COMMENTS AGAINST BM.  This is not about BM.  THIS IS JUST ABOUT SUPPORTING SD'S ACTIONS.  

acbarbour

Aren't these scheduled phone calls?  Is it possible to have a professional (lawyer, counselor, case worker) around during these times.  Their opinion or explanation of the conversation may be admissible in court and help with the fallout from these conversations. 

You are doing so much better at this than me.  I would be under the jail just for the things I would think to do after someone treating a kid like that.

Pamelacake

I looked into the laws of recording in our state about 2 yrs ago when BM still had EOWE. It was illegal at that point. I didn't see anything specifically about video recording one side though.

8yo SD just wants to be treated like 6yo SD by BM. Bm can say anything to 6yo and 6yo will respond with "whatever" and BM will playfully say "whatever" back to her. 8yo SD did this with BM, hoping to get the same reaction and got the 3rd degree instead.

8yo SD is past crying over BM yelling at her. SD now yells back. I have talked with her counselors about this over a year ago and we got nowhere. The counselor had never dealt with anything like this but I did find out that in the midst of a screaming match, I could end the call. I have only done this once as SD usually hangs up on BM. BM will call SD back just to yell at her some more. I then found out that we only have to answer one call, unless the service cuts out or something like that.

The phone calls are scheduled and even with the new C/O being drawn up for the professional to supervise the visits the phone calls will remain the same. DH hopes to get ahold of the atty today for some specific stipulations to be put into the C/O that way the professional knows what was said in the agreement and that is the way it is to be. He will be asking a few questions about the phone calls as well.

If SD is out of line first I will tap her on the leg to let her know she needs to be nice or be done, When BM starts screaming first, it's like I go into shock.. I have never intervened as far as getting on the phone and speaking or yelling but I have ended one call.

BM uses about half of her phone time days. So even if there were a way we could get it to be that way, the phone call time frame would have to be changed, and I would have to drive SD's about 30 miles away (one way) on a chance that BM won't even call. But if a counselor heard this and it could be used in court.. it would be sooo worth it.

We are already going to have to fork out half of the fee for BM to see SD's (DH offered to be sure they are safe) I am going to the office of the counseling building where their visits will be held today to sign some treatment plans and to ask about the phone calls and I will probably stop by the atty's office afterwards to speak with him.

Wahoo

I have no advice for you, only hugs and hair pats!  I really hope this nightmare ends for your SDs and you.  

I am glad you found out you only need to accept one phone call.  Also, if she has a set time and does not make the call within a certain time frame, maybe you can get up and leave the house after a certain amount of time.  Do not allow phone calls that are made outside of the calendar appointments.

Pamelacake

Thanks, I do too!

We have done phone calls on non scheduled days 3 times only because one or both SD's weren't available on BM's day to call. BM has expected us to let SD's call her on non scheduled days b/c she forgot to call or other random things but we haven't done that.