Tips/Advice Needed — The Bump
September 2014 Moms

Tips/Advice Needed

My LO is 1month today and tho I couldn't be happier to have her, I feel like my relationship with her father is slipping away since her birth. He's the only one working and I understand he needs to rest too but I'm always so exhausted because I'm the one getting up with her throughout the night. By the time he gets home I just want to nap which makes no time for us or he wants to eat then go to bed right away. We use to be so close and talk about everything but now we're struggling communicating together. Any advice how to reconnect with your spouse after the birth?..

Re: Tips/Advice Needed

  • rlyttlerlyttle member
    Tenth Anniversary 250 Answers 2500 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited October 2014
    Sounds like you need a date night. Do you anyone that can watch LO for a couple of hours? What do you do on his days off? We have gone for walks, went to pumpkin patch, went to the movies, make dinners at home, text each other throughout the day, lay in bed together and watch tv, and sometimes I wake up with him in the morning & jump in the shower together.
  • We have a routine at night where we're doing things with the baby together and I find it really helpful as I feared I would be the only one caring for lo and its healthy he has a great bond with her as well (I don't know what you guys do on his days off so I'm not trying to assume he doesn't). What works for us is we eat dinner between 7-8 and then we wake her up to bathe her. I then help him get settled to give her a bottle (breastmilk - not sure if you're bf or introducing bottles yet) then I pump and join them for story time and then they are done by 9 and we watch tv for an hour in bed. Then i feed her again around 3 and 6 am. Sometimes I sleep in and sometimes I get up and hang out with DH depdning on how much sleep I need.
    can you talk to DH about doing more things with the baby together in the early evenings as time is limited so you can start spending more time together (that's how I'd position it when talking to DH)

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  • I think you should try to talk to him about this. Then try to come up with some time that you can spend just talking and things that you'll do together. We agreed early on that LO's bath time would be something we would do together. I also SAH and DH works. When he comes home we have dinner together and talk. Then we play with LO before her bath or bed. We also try to watch a movie together or we lay in bed after LO is asleep and talk.

    Try a date night if you can. Even if you take LO with you it would at least get you out of the house. Plus if your LO sleeps during car rides that gives you more time to talk.
  • Hang in there. All of the advice in pp is good advice. My relationship with DH changed drastically in the first few months after DD1's birth. With time, routine, and oh so precious sleep, we found each other again.
  • I'm sorry you're going through this. I just wanted to also emphasize date nights. Take LO with you! A friend told me to take advantage of the sleepy infant stage and take them to dinner with you. It's when they are older that it's harder to take them places :)

    We have taken LO out to dinner several times. If we go right after she eats, she will sleep through the entire dinner so honestly it feels like "alone time" with DH...there's just a car seat at the table too.

    Hang in there.

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