'keep your tears on the inside, like a champion'

sugarstar1784

That quote is from "the other woman". I liked the movie. But this kept running through my head yesterday as I had to take a tour of the floor on the hospital as a new employee where I had my loss on 7/30 this year. As I passed my old room, the patient nourishment room that I frequented. The window that I stared out of for what seemed like hours, contemplating the events. As I walked past the triage area that I had been in 5 times for my hemorrhaging. As I had to listen to the tour guide bad-mouthing patients that come in to that area. As I walked past the post-surgery recovery area- remembering trying to pull my nasal canula off because I felt like I was choking. As I had to look in the eyes of my now fellow employees, tears welling in my eyes. I had that look. One woman in the post-surgery area could tell. She knew. I was looking around constantly, hoping to see my doctor, hoping to receive a "holy crap, I can't believe you're here and dealing with this... this must be hard on you" and hoping to be able to sneak away from the tour to just cry. Breakdown, cry, and let it all go. But I had to hold it inside. Like a champion?

msunshine123

Wow that is so incredibly hard! - you are so very brave and very much so a champion for being able to do what you have done and are doing. Sending you lots of hugs and prayers for strength as I am guessing you will be working in this area now. But I must say you will be an amazing individual to be a part of the team because you will be able to give patients so much more - you "get it" in a way no one else ever could.

lexusolsen

Oh I am so sorry. You are one strong mama. I am so proud of you for working in a place that carries such memories. I don't think I could do it.

stefuge

I have not been back to the hospital where I delivered Colton, but I could not imagine, and especially so soon after your loss. Well done getting through such a tough day. ((Hugs))

LyndseyTS

That would be so hard. You are brave.

CheesyPeas

Oh honey, my eyes well up with tears just thinking about being in your shoes.  That must've been excruciating.  You're very brave.

Mel&John2013

You're being so incredibly brave, and I'm proud of you for that. You'll have so much more understanding of patients because of what you've been through, and the hospital will be better off for it.

luckyclover0922

**Ticker warning**

You are such a brave woman. I bet that day was so very hard for you... I couldn't imagine. ((Hugs))

Mrs.EvilQueen

I can't imagine how difficult that would have been.  You're much stronger then you realize.  I don't even want to go make to the genetics office where we got our diagnosis. 

Littleowl913

You're so brave and so strong. I'm wiping away tears just thinking about being in your shoes.

Maybe Joleisa

You are a very strong woman and I'm sorry your bravery had to be tested in this way. ((Hugs))

sugarstar1784

Thank you all. I had no idea this job would be this... triggering. I have, every day, had to hear or see something that makes me very sad inside...