How did you decide spacing?

Charlotte51

Hello!  So in full disclosure I'm not a 2U2 but wanted to pick your brains if I can?  

We're still going back and forth on if and when to have a 2nd and was curious for the 2U2 crowd how did you decide the spacing between your kids and has anyone found a 'sweet spot' for age differences?  

If we do go for the 2nd, for a host of reasons (work, weather, childcare availability, etc.) I'm leaning towards trying to have them either ~18 months or ~24 months apart.  Part of me wants them to be a bit closer in age but part of me is afraid that it may increase the risk of some health issues (increased risk of autism, 2yrs apart is baby smart, etc).  Am I being paranoid or should I be more cautious and stick to the 2yrs?

TIA!

jesselayne8

You are way over thinking this. You could try for 18 month age difference and not get pregnant for 6 months making them 24 months apart. My kids are 17 months apart and I love it. That being said there will be more spacing between 2 & 3 for 2 reasons. First I wasn't ready again as soon because #2 was a difficult baby and secondly I didn't get pregnant easily this time.

bookworm982

Our first two are 13 months apart. After DD we decided not to prevent even when my cycle returned at 3 months despite exclusively breast feeding. We LOVE the age gap, but tandem nursing led to oversupply issues, so we decided to wait a bit longer for #3. We stopped preventing when DS1 was 5 months, and it took us four cycles to get pregnant, so we'll have an 18 month age gap between DS1 and DS2. I'm honestly worried about the "big" age gap after such a positive experience with a 13 month gap. My kids are best friends and true playmates at 27 and 14 months, so of course I'm a fan of close spacing. My sister has boys that are 28 and 2 months, and they are adorable together even though they aren't playmates yet. I think anything can work for family spacing and ultimately you have to decide what is best for you.

vettymama

We wanted them close and decided to quit preventing when DS1 was around 7 months. No magic number, just made the decision. I got pregnant pretty quickly after we decided. We would like DS2 and #3 about 24 months apart. And then #3 and #4 about 16 month age gap again. But who knows if it will all work out.

ashiscute

I agree that you are over thinking this.  There is definitely no "perfect age gap".  Some people prefer them close together and others prefer a significant distance.  Also, getting pregnant once doesn't mean it will be easy to get pregnant again.  There are no guarantees here.  

DH and I had decided to wait until DD was about 15 months or so to start trying for #2.  Instead I found out I was pregnant when DD was 11 months old while nursing and on the mini pill.  So it was not planned for me.

I have enjoyed having this age gap but it has been quite difficult at times.  I knew I wanted 3# but I was definitely not ready as early as I was for #2.  #3 is due in July and will be 4.5 and almost 3 years younger.  I'm a little nervous about this big age gap but I really think anything works.  

krazyinsane

I think each and every age gap has its perks and yet they all have their trials as well!! My kids have a 23 month gap, 18 month gap and 16.5 month gap... Each time I thought to myself that I was krazy insane but we've all lived to tell the tale. And we come out the other side with a bigger happy family. Whatever you end up with will be perfect for your family... 8-> :-bd

bleusimp

Our plan was to try for a 2 year age gap. Apparently you have to prevent every time in order for that to happen, lol. It's looking like #2 will make his debut this month, so that will be a 15 month difference. Reality is we didn't exactly decide on the age difference.

MommyAtty

We were shooting for 2 years apart. I was 38 when DD was born, so we knew we didn't want to wait too long. Mine ended up being 21 mos apart because I'm apparently a Fertile Myrtle. I got pregnant the first month without protection both times. Both times I honestly expected my age would cause fertility problems. Lol. Joke was on us!

Charlotte51

That's great - congrats to you guys!

I'm still on the fence a bit, but I'm sure you guys are right that I'm over-thinking it all, DH calls it analysis paralysis

EricaOO

MommyAtty  i'm lurking and wondered how you like the 21 month spacing. My DD is turning 1 soon so I am considering TFAS soon.

willowprincess

You're way overthinking.

We didn't decide on our spacing. We don't use BC so we just get pregnant whenever we do. So far it has taken me longer each time to get pregnant. It happens when it happens. We can only control so much.

btrebus

#2 was definitely not planned. DH wanted to try for another when DS was 6 months. Well, 9 weeks after I had DS, imagine my surprise! It took us 7 months to get DS, so it wasn't even a blip on my radar. I took the test as a joke, then couldn't believe it! They will be 1 yr and 4 days apart if I don't go early. I wanted to wait until DS was at least 1 yr to try, I feel like he's getting the short end of the stick with attention he will really need when he's 1 yr. Andplusalso, momma needs a damn drink.

chillypenguin

My girls are 19.5 months apart. I got my BFP on DD1's 1st birthday. I really do love the spacing, but it has been harder than I was expecting. I wouldn't change it at all, but I am wanting a bigger gap for #3.

HeavenBlessedMom

We were hoping 14-18 months apart (ivf) & got 16..but the 2nd pregnancy was triplets!! All in God's plan:)
2 fabulous c sections

ashleybert

Hi!

I’m actually in a similar situation as you are Charlotte51. My son will turn 1 in February and we’ve been debating when to have #2. My husband has a great FT job but I own my own business and work from home but travel (locally) quite often so LO is in daycare. Our “debate” is ....can we afford #2 right now? My job gets very busy in the late spring/early summer and then the fall so should we try to “plan” when we’d deliver (I say this obviously knowing we can’t really PLAN when we’ll conceive). 

I don’t know what to do. If I forget about all of that....I’m sure we’d be trying to have #2 now. I’m definitely an over thinker as well. Am I being irresponsible? Ugh. Help!