Suggestions needed for keeping toddler on task

skibunny59

Hi Ladies,

Need suggestions for keeping my 2 year old on task when she's doing something.  She loves to help out with chores around the house but takes forever to do them.  For example, she loves to set the table.  We will give her each item and tell her "Put a napkin at each person's place" or "Give one fork to each person" etc.  She will put one napkin down, leave and go play with something, then put another napkin down, etc.  At age 2, it's not super important for me to have her do chores so I will notice that she has lost interest in setting the table and DH and I will just do it.  Problem is then it turns into a huge tantrum because she wanted to do it. 

Getting ready in the morning is a nightmare.  I will ask her to pick her clothes.  She will get her pants out, then something catches her eye and she'll get distracted.  We are always rushing around in the morning and me asking her to hurry because we are late doesn't make any bit of difference.  I'm thinking of maybe doing some kind of chart with her or a stop light timer to keep her on task.  What do you ladies think?  Sorry this post was so long.

TheBorg7of9

Lol. Not possible. I think you have to think of different ways to deal rather than 'keeping her on task'. How about giving her two choices if clothes instead of letting her choose from the whole closet. If she gets distracted while setting the table, then just let it go?

skibunny59

TheBorg7of9 said:

Lol. Not possible. I think you have to think of different ways to deal rather than 'keeping her on task'. How about giving her two choices if clothes instead of letting her choose from the whole closet. If she gets distracted while setting the table, then just let it go?

The problem is not so much that she gets distracted setting the table, it's that she gets PISSED when she notices that DH or I have done it because she lost interest.  We don't really care if she sets the table or not but how do we avoid the tantrum after the fact?

TheBorg7of9

skibunny59 said:

TheBorg7of9 said:

Lol. Not possible. I think you have to think of different ways to deal rather than 'keeping her on task'. How about giving her two choices if clothes instead of letting her choose from the whole closet. If she gets distracted while setting the table, then just let it go?

The problem is not so much that she gets distracted setting the table, it's that she gets PISSED when she notices that DH or I have done it because she lost interest.  We don't really care if she sets the table or not but how do we avoid the tantrum after the fact?


Ah, I see. With my son, I just repeat the choices over and over. 'You can set the table or we will set the table. If you choose to play, then daddy's going to set the table. ' and repeat. If she gets distracted then gets pissed, I would honestly just ignore the tantrum and eat my dinner.

2chatter

I have one of those! She's seven now. I found out last night that she often wanders around the classroom at school. And that her teacher is fine with it, and thinks I should be too. She said that kids all learn and develop differently. As a Type A person, who has a task list for my task list, that's crazy talk to me. I tried a million things to get my Type Annoyingly Distractable child to stay on task. The only thing that kind of worked was the timer on my phone for tasks. When the timer went off she was done. It didn't so much keep her on task as get her out of my way when she flaked...but sometimes she did follow through because she knew the buzzer was coming....

74dragonfly

I admit I did LOL at your post.  Toddlers don't stay on task. I do not think it is possible. My advice as someone who got thru the toddler years is this:

1. Give a very simple task. "Put this one napkin on the table. yeah you did it, now want to play X? asking a 2yo to put a fork at each plate is too complex. I think at 4 my daughter could have done it. two, no way. dont ask her to put every napkin, wont happen.

2. give two choices for clothes: this dress or that dress? also pick the night before.

3. Ignore tantrums. I wish I learned that earlier. 

skibunny59

Thanks Ladies!  Setting the table kind of just became her job.  One day she just saw me doing it and asked if she could do it.  I thought to myself "sure, why not."  The first time I walked her through it.  After that she wanted to take control and do it herself.  When she feels like it she actually does a pretty good job.  There are many nights we don't even ask her because dinner is ready and we need the table set quickly.  Or if we see that she is playing and involved with something we also don't ask her to do it.  But then at dinnertime she will see the table set and get really pissed.  I do ignore her tantrums but I wish there was a way to avoid them altogether.  I know that's kind of impossible with a toddler though.

groovygrl

Very sorry to report that my 5 yr olds still do this kind of thing... and ditto the person who said let it go and just ignore the tantrum, I guess I don't understand the big deal about a 2 yr old not being able to follow through on a chore w/ multiple steps, as it doesnt seem developmentally appropriate anyway.(not sure 'appropriate' is the word I'm looking for here, but according to her age/stage of development)

skibunny59

 

groovygrl said:

Very sorry to report that my 5 yr olds still do this kind of thing... and ditto the person who said let it go and just ignore the tantrum, I guess I don't understand the big deal about a 2 yr old not being able to follow through on a chore w/ multiple steps, as it doesnt seem developmentally appropriate anyway.(not sure 'appropriate' is the word I'm looking for here, but according to her age/stage of development)

Hi, it's not a big deal so much that it's just annoying that every single night she has a tantrum because she didn't get to finish setting the table.  Just trying to see if there was a way to avoid the meltdown.

TheBorg7of9

I am careful not to let my toddler do anything, unless I want him to keep doing it everytime. For example, I have never let him walk in a store because I don't want to fight that battle to make him sit in the cart. He doesn't even realize it's an option to walk. I think it is better to manage situations and cutoff potential sources of tantrums, rather than deal with a tantrum that is already happening.

FemShep

When that happens, we usually remind Zoe that if she doesn't do something, someone else will.  "Zoe, we need to have the table set so we can eat dinner.  If you don't put the forks down, Mommy will do it.  Do you want to do it or do you want Mommy to do it?"

And we usually repeat that sentence.  Many times.  

One thing that has helped me, especially in the mornings, is planning for things to take twice as long as they "should".  They're 2, kwim?  There is no way to get things done easily and quickly.  Ain't gonna happen.  So I now allow significantly greater time than I used to, and everyone is happier.

groovygrl

skibunny59 said:

 

groovygrl said:

Very sorry to report that my 5 yr olds still do this kind of thing... and ditto the person who said let it go and just ignore the tantrum, I guess I don't understand the big deal about a 2 yr old not being able to follow through on a chore w/ multiple steps, as it doesnt seem developmentally appropriate anyway.(not sure 'appropriate' is the word I'm looking for here, but according to her age/stage of development)

Hi, it's not a big deal so much that it's just annoying that every single night she has a tantrum because she didn't get to finish setting the table.  Just trying to see if there was a way to avoid the meltdown.

Yeah, I hear you on that... maybe set a timer? Would she get that it has to be done by the time the timer beeps or you will finish it for her?

emberlee3

My DD is like this. I set the table, but I leave one thing for her to do right before she gets in her seat. Usually it's to get her own fork and spoon. So when she comes charging in and starts to protest the table being set already, I say, "oh, sweetie, can you please get your fork?" And she is thrilled because that is a completely manageable task for her.

Re: getting dressed. Budget extra time and use whatever dopamine-inducing trick you can think of. Dressing like you, favorite socks, necklace when she finishes, anything to give her a warm, fuzzy feeling about getting those clothes on. Nagging and threats do not work.

traveltheworld

We have the same problem - i.e. DS would have a complete melt-down if we finish a task that he got distracted from.  We started using a kitchen timer and remind him repeatedly that he has a X amount of time to get it done, otherwise once it goes "ding-ding-ding", mommy and daddy are going to step in and help.  Then we set it for 10 minutes.  The timer is really loud and makes a "tick tick" sound the whole time, so it reminds him of the task.  Sometimes I feel like we are running our household like a military base with the constant alarm-setting, but it's the only thing that works.  Otherwise DS would just get upset. 

CarrieB.

Lol this happens at my house every night. I ask my 3 year old if she wants to help set the table, she wanders away and then cries when she sees that I already did it. Sometimes I just take the dishes off and let her do it again. She's still so little. I try not to care about the crying.

[Deleted User]

@TheBorg7of9‌ said everything I was going to say.

Sometimes dealing with a toddler demands us modifying our behavior instead of theirs.