OPP Tuesday ***BFPs, babies, children mentioned***

theholmanherd

OPP may stand for Other People's Pregnancies, but these rant/vent posts can be about anything that triggers you about other people and their offspring.

Have a great Tuesday, ladies!

mmmKayy

My co-workers is being induced today. I'm happy for her, don't get me wrong. But I'm uber jealous. We officially started trying (tracking, temping, OPK, etc) at same time as her and her husband. She was KU in 3 months. And I have yet to see that BFP.

kushie77

My BF had her baby 11 days ago. We went to visit in the hospital but I haven't been able to bring myself to go visit at home.  I was supposed to go up yesterday but AF came and I just couldn't bring myself to go.  I feel like a lousy friend.  I'm happy for her but so jealous at the same time.  

wifeofafarmer

We have a group from church that are all young couples (been married 10 years or less) & we all get together for dinner once a month. There is only one couple who has a child but its an adult - only night so it doesn't really matter. Saturday night, the couple who have only lived her a little while announced they got the BFP on their first month of trying. I felt like I was going to throw-up. She goes to the Dr this week to confirm it. They haven't even told their families yet! But they couldn't wait to tell us. Thankfully we had a bonfire & no one could see my face because I turned & faked a cough but DH just put his arm around my waist & held it for what seemed like eternity. There's 1 other couple there that have dealt with IF, although I'm not sure their details but I know it stung for them too. (although I'm sure she handled it a lot more gracefully than I did.) I told her I was happy for her but I wanted TP her when she kept going on about being "fertile myrtle", "must be doing something right" and whatnot. Granted, she doesn't know about us trying or our struggles, nor the other couples struggles but still. Looking at her bump for the next nine months isn't going to be fun. At least we drink when we get together, that's going to help. A lot.

Shauntee

@wifeofafarmer‌ I feel you completely. There are three pregnant woman in our bible study who are all due within a month if each other. There are only 11 people in our particular group so there is no running from the preggos.

BandM14

I totally feel like everyone is KU but me. On top of that, one of my good friends who started trying well after us and got pregnant after a few months is due in January, and is using our boy name. I know it's stupid to lay claim on a name but I told her that's what we wanted to name a boy if we have one and to hear that she's using it just stings.

BandM14

@sammae‌ Right? I mean if I truly loved a name and a friend told me she was going to use it, I wouldn't like feeling like I had to give up my name just because she said she wanted it first-- so I'm trying not to be too mad but it just sucks. It's DH's grandfathers name too, so we are probably still going to use it if we have a boy and it will just look like we copied her I guess. Her shower is next month too, I am not looking forward to it at all (if she gets like a quilt with the name on it or something I can almost guarantee I will start bawling).

BandM14

@lemonliz that is terrible, I'm so sorry! With family that would hurt even more. I know what you mean about not thinking of names-- we have that boy name that is important to DH, but I don't want to even start getting attached to girl names in case some fertile friend snatches it up first!

dominicandreamer

@sammae & @wifeofafarmer your DH's made me tear up. :-(

@daydreamsam I am a Sister Wives addict.  I've caught some but not all of My Five Wives because the DH makes me stabby.  Isn't Pauly's daughter just starting college?  

My cousin and his GF who both live with their parents and who just got their very first big kid jobs which he quit in less than a month.  They announced on FB that "God decided to bless" them with a baby.  Don't act like the virgin Mary and that this is some kind of miracle.  You two were having unprotected sex and got knocked up.  

I swear, every irresponsible person in my life is having or just had a baby.  We made sure to protect ourselves for 7 1/2 years and after 3 years of marriage, a house and good jobs we can't be so lucky.  WTF!

wifeofafarmer

DaydreamSam I love Sister Wives!! My heart broke for Meri when Robyn had Solomon. And now she may be pregnant again?? (I haven't watched in a while)

@lemonliz that's horrible!! Please tell me that she has a very good reason as to using that name (like a late grandfather or something?!) Otherwise, that's SUCH a low blow! I'm so sorry. I hope you'll go ahead and use it - and you'll get too SOON!!

dominicandreamer

@daydreamsam I used to feel that way about Cody but that's lessened over time due to some of the more independent rolls the wives have taken.  DH still finds me yelling at the TV when it's on though.

What I dislike about Brady most is his way of categorizing his wives and his lack of empathy when one of them is going through something.

theholmanherd

Hugs to everyone.

I left my church group in my last town because we were the only couple without kids and it seemed like the second we joined, everyone got pregnant with their second and third kids. One of the girls (who I foolishly opened up to about IF during a women's retreat) said "wow I never had problems. I had problems trying to avoid it!" and proceeded to laugh. I was in a church, but I wanted to jump across the table and smack her. I was almost in tears and all the other girls at our table (we were all supposed to share a struggle) were quiet. It was super awkward and we left the group shortly after.

More recent OPP? I said this in another thread (about my little breakdown over my bad day and all the stupid birth and halloween pics on Facebook), but it still has me down. I love this board and I love being able to talk about this here, but I think I'm getting to the point of needing professional help. When I used to think about the future, I always imagined kids and a house. Now all I see is my H and me. I can't even picture having kids anymore. It just feels unattainable and it makes me really sad. H is eternally optimistic, but he's very 'go-with-the-flow' and would be fine with or without kids. He wants kids, but he said if we don't, we don't and we can't do anything about it. I'm not so sure I would be okay with it. And this is horrible, but I've honestly found myself wondering if, at the end of all this, we don't have kids, would I want to stay married to him? I love him so much, but I just don't know if I can live my life without kids.

Sorry this is so long and for being such a downer. Here's a cookie. And it's gluten-free!

wanderlust508

Big hugs to all of you!  I've been absent for a while from 3T and am just getting back in touch with what all of you are going through.  I seriously want to wrap all of you in a big hug!  Reading through all of your posts in this thread made me tear up.  I hate that we're all going through this.  

***Probably unnecessary warning about children mentioned, but just in case***

I just returned from a family trip to the Bahamas last night.  It was with my DH's parents, his brother and sister, their spouses and their kids (a 1 year old niece and almost 2 year old boy).  I see how hard it is for my sister-inlaw with her 1 year old toddler girl and my brother-inlaw and his wife with their almost 2 year old boy.  The girl screaming for much of the trip if anyone but her mom held her.  The boy incessantly asking for snacks and then throwing them on the floor (and spilling all his milk from his sippy cup on the floor.  All the parents looked exhausted during our vacation and I know that they were a bit envious of DH and I because we don't have kids (and we were laying by the pool and drinking cocktails seemingly worry-free).  Honestly, I did enjoy the freedom.  But ....being around the kids, inspite of what a handful they are was so heartbreaking at times.  They are so stinking cute.    My 2 year old nephew at one point, wrapped the 1 year old niece in a big bear hug and said in a cute little voice "Love you Naya." (Did I mention, I considered the name Naya for a girl before my SIL named her daughter that? - she didn't know though).  I teared up watching them in that cute interaction and had to pretend I needed to use the restroom to get away for a second.  I so want those 2 to have another little cousin.  

And my good friend who I work with just went into labor early this morning.  I am really excited for her but of course I burst into tears when I saw her text this morning too.  Kinda dreading meeting the baby and putting on a happy face.    

dancerspose

HUGS and peaceful thoughts to everyone.  It's been said before and it'll be said again, I hate the bitterness and jealousy IF brings into our lives.

@rainbowbridge14 @theholmanherd I agree with you both.  I used to picture what DH would look like holding our child (even moreso than I pictured myself).  Now, it just hurts too much.  I know there are a lot of family building options out there, and I can only hope that we have both the emotional and financial strength to find a way to get our family.

My OPP rant is a non-specific one...it came up in a thread last week, many of us sharing our guilty pleasure of trashy romance novels.  I've always enjoyed them.  They're so silly and mindless and always provided a great escape.  Lately though, I find them to be triggers.  In practically every one of these books someone gets pregnant, almost always by accident or right away after getting married.  I know they're not real, but now even my escape world is being ruined by IF

Tiko99

I'm surrounded by freaking pregnant people.....I have 3 co workers about to go on maternity leave and two of my good friends are pregnant. About 3 years ago we decided to all go off birth control at the same time with the hopes of being pregnant together.....I'm the youngest and have been trying the longest (not that either really matter) and one is about to have her second baby and my other friend is due in February. It is awkward when we all hang out since they all know I've been trying for years and now everyone is preggers, but me. 

Might I add that I also have a friend that has 4 babies, by 3 fathers (not judging except for the last pregnancy). The last two babies were boy/girl twins! She tested positive for meth in the hospital so for the past two years she has been trying to get them back (been to rehab, is clean, trying to get her shit together).....they would be much better off being adopted.....when they were born she asked me if I would take custody of them so they wouldn't have to go into foster care. I was not in a position to take them at the time.....pretty much I'm bitching because every time I talk to her she talks about her kids and it makes me so mad that someone so irresponsible is so damn fertile! I

LindseyM2012

Hugs to everyone!!! OPPs are difficult to deal with!

I am in preparation mode for my OPP experience. My husband and I are spending this weekend with his best friend and his wife at their home. They are such lovely people. He was my husband's best man and her and I really clicked. They have a 2 year old daughter (who I just adore) and is now about 6 or 7 months pregnant with their 2nd. She had IF issues (I think it was severe endo) and they did IVF to conceive baby 1, but I don't think they had to do any intervention for baby 2. I think I'm up for the weekend just because they're such great people, but I still have to mentally prepare for the inevitable jealousy of this beautiful, pregnant woman. I don't think they drink too much, so hopefully my husband give me the go-ahead to bring my own wine. Hopefully it won't be too bad..... 

:-/

SND1231

Ok I had my first RE appt today.. I posted an update about it... Anyhow there were 3 ladies (patients) that had their babies with them!! WTF! seriously wanted to scream! I am sitting here waiting to either get amazing news or the worst news in my life and I hear babies laughing and screaming!?!

curve31

My cousin whom I'm really close with told me a couple weeks ago that shes gonna start trying for her second. Today she texts me that shes spotting at 6dpo. I swear if she got pregnant her first cycle off BCPs I'm gonna freakin flip out.

juneroses

I am impressed by your restraint - I would have been furious & told him about it. My cousin & his wife (who I love, but not when I tell this story) gave their daughter my grandmother's middle name. Which was my mother's and mine, and was supposed to be my daughter's...until they went and appropriated it. still makes me mad.

SND1231

@BlueFairy5 very true, but still hard.
@lemonliz goodness what is wrong with people!
@sammae I would have assumed people would know not to bring children/infant to a fertility clinic it was not easy sitting there.

dominicandreamer

wazzu08 said:

@rainbowbridge14 You bring up such a good point about grieving the loss of the life you had always pictured.  Even "if" I do get a BFP, I can't help but think my memories will always be tarnished by this struggle.  I didn't get the care-free "we drank too much wine one night and 9 months later" or "we went on vacation and next thing you know..." or "I started feeling funny and realized AF was a few days late, took a test..."

Right!  I wish I could totally forget AF was on her way and not be doing a mental AND physical countdown to her arrival.