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1st Trimester
Overwhelmed, and I have no idea what to do.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Overwhelmed, and I have no idea what to do.
Really though, adding a child to your life doesn't subtract your personal life. It's normal and healthy to keep your individuality. Having DS just added another title to my name just like when you get married. It doesn't change who you are, just adds to who you already are.
I'm sorry, but I really see everything as totally over. You say a year, and even then it's just a weekend. I've been looking online on several sites, and many women say you can't leave your kids until they're x age, and several say they don't think it's right at all.
End quote
She was just saying what she would be comfortable with, not that her way is the 100% right way. You can absolutely get away before a year if you have the means and are comfortable with it. As far as some women saying its absolutely wrong to leave your kid overnight ever, well that's just silly for them to make such a blanket statement like that.
I spent my first overnight without my child this past Friday. He is 2.5 months old. He was with my parents who other than us are the best people he could be with. We went to a bonfire with friends and had a great time and picked him up the next morning. It felt really good to have a night out again. And my son was happy as a clam with his grandparents.
My mom and dad also went to Spain for a week when I was 8 mos old.
Some people will clutch their pearls at that but guess what? They aren't the parents (or possible parents, in your case) so their opinions don't matter.
I don't want it to seem like I'm trying to convince you one way or the other, because this is such a personal/difficult choice, I just want you to know that parenthood doesn't always equal your life being over.
Eta: I sincerely hope you are able to come to a decision that you are happy with. Positive thoughts headed your way, I know this must be very difficult for you.
Thank you, it's nice enough to know I'm not the only one to find out little later than normal. We have made no concrete plans yet, nothing about the holidays or anything, and it's still a blow. Not as much as sinking savings into a house, then finding out, I'm sure.
I'll be sure to look into the group, but I'm not 100% sure I'd be all that acceptable right now.
It is okay to feel scared and overwhelmed. I, as others, had planned pregnancies with both of my children. I'd be lying if there weren't points in both pregnancies where I was like "WTF were we thinking?!". Although I love my children dearly and can't imagine life without them, I sometimes catch myself thinking about how much easier life would be without children.
I will also reiiterate that you do have options and I would highly suggest seeking some counseling on dealing with these emotions, no matter what you choose to do.
ETA: we're not expecting you to be happy, but when you ask a group of women for advice and then brush off everything they tell you, then they can't help.
The responses OP is giving aren't really making sense. The combative nature of her responses don't match the tone of the other responses that PPS have given, which have generally ben kind, patient and understanding.
I hope I am wrong, but seems like maybe this is to stir it up a bit?
BFP 1- EDD 2/09/11 Missed MC DX @11 weeks D&C- 7/25/10 BFP 2- EDD 12/22/11 Natural MC @ 5w 2d BFP 3- EDD 1/25/12 DD Josephine born 1/16/12
All we can do on here is lay out your options, but it's up to you to choose one, and I think some real medical and theraputic help is going to put you in the best place to make that decision. You can not continue the pregnancy (although depending on your state, this option will expire soon, and while it doesn't legally require a conversation with your H, you'd probably need to have one), you can choose to continue the pregnancy but not choose to parent (which would need the consent of your H in some way), or you can choose to continue the pregnancy and parent. These are the only three options and it's up to you to choose one that works best for you. I don't want to be flip, but there is not magic fourth option that is 'get a time machine and go back and not be pregnant.'
Did you and your H talk about having kids one day but not so soon? Are you ambivalent or against the idea of having children at all? These are questions only you can answer. You've gotten some very good advice here from women who have told you themselves that pregnancy freaked them out or that they didn't feel immediate connection or that they felt scared. That's all they can do. You need to sit down and talk to a real therapist who can help you start to make decisions.
I have several friends who are childfree by choice. They know they don't want kids, some of them for the reasons you have mentioned, OP. They don't want to make the trade-offs that are necessary in life to have kids. And that's great for them, it's a totally fine lifestyle and they're happy with it. But this conversation is like going round and round with someone who doesn't want kids but at the same time wants you to convince them that they do. It's not something that can be done. I, nor any poster on this board, cannot convince you that having a kid is worth the trade-offs and conditions that it will put on your life if you aren't open to the idea of children. We could talk all day about how wonderful kids are/how it does/doesn't change your life, but it seems like nothing we say is really getting through. It's not our job, or your husband's or your doctor's or even a therapist's job to convince you that having kids is going to be a-okay. Because no one can make you that promise, it's a decision you have to come to yourself.
Me-31, H-27
**Loss 1-Cycle 7(June 2013) at 5w6d-CP**Loss 2-Cycle 11(October 2013) at 5w4d-CP**
**Loss 3-Cycle 14 (January-February 2014)-M/C dx 2/10, EP dx 2/24, MTX 2/25**
Beta Hell--hCG finally down to 0 - 6/20/14
SA normal. Genetic testing normal. Hormonal testing normal.
HSG 6/30/14 - found blocked left tube and 2 'bubbles' on uterine wall.
Hysteroscopy/Lap--8/4/14 - Tubes unblocked. Polyps removed from uterine wall. Septum removed.
9/30/14--Off the bench! Unmedicated TI through December 2014
BFP 12/14/14!!! Beta #1, 12/16: 990 Beta #2, 12/18: Over 2000! Beta #3, 12/22: over 8000!
U/S #1, 12/23: gestational sac, possible heartbeat
U/S #2, 12/30: HEARTBEAT! 128bpm, measuring right on at 7w EDD: 8/19/2015
U/S #3, 1/9: BPM in the 180s, IT'S HAPPENING!!!
BFP 1- EDD 2/09/11 Missed MC DX @11 weeks D&C- 7/25/10 BFP 2- EDD 12/22/11 Natural MC @ 5w 2d BFP 3- EDD 1/25/12 DD Josephine born 1/16/12
BFP 1- EDD 2/09/11 Missed MC DX @11 weeks D&C- 7/25/10 BFP 2- EDD 12/22/11 Natural MC @ 5w 2d BFP 3- EDD 1/25/12 DD Josephine born 1/16/12
I have felt overwhelmed by many things I never wanted nor would I wish upon anyone else, but I don't ever recall feeling that way about things I did want. But everyone is different, as said before many times.
So, I guess, all you seem to want to hear is this: 'I'm sorry, sucks you're feeling this way.'
Me-31, H-27
**Loss 1-Cycle 7(June 2013) at 5w6d-CP**Loss 2-Cycle 11(October 2013) at 5w4d-CP**
**Loss 3-Cycle 14 (January-February 2014)-M/C dx 2/10, EP dx 2/24, MTX 2/25**
Beta Hell--hCG finally down to 0 - 6/20/14
SA normal. Genetic testing normal. Hormonal testing normal.
HSG 6/30/14 - found blocked left tube and 2 'bubbles' on uterine wall.
Hysteroscopy/Lap--8/4/14 - Tubes unblocked. Polyps removed from uterine wall. Septum removed.
9/30/14--Off the bench! Unmedicated TI through December 2014
BFP 12/14/14!!! Beta #1, 12/16: 990 Beta #2, 12/18: Over 2000! Beta #3, 12/22: over 8000!
U/S #1, 12/23: gestational sac, possible heartbeat
U/S #2, 12/30: HEARTBEAT! 128bpm, measuring right on at 7w EDD: 8/19/2015
U/S #3, 1/9: BPM in the 180s, IT'S HAPPENING!!!