I got called out (vent post)

momtobe613

So. Yesterday was my birthday and my husbands parents took us to dinner. My husband and I had been dieting for a few months so I used that as my excuse for not drinking butttttt it wasn't more than ten minutes before there was this uncomfortable silence- you know the elephant in the room.

My mother in law proceeded to state at my smirking; knowing and said "you sure you don't have anything to tell me?" So we had to spill our guts. It was so not how I wanted to tell them they were having their first grand baby. Plus. I didn even want to tell them yet since I'm only 5 weeks. A little disappointed today.

Sorry for the Sunday vent. I'm done now.

EricaD777

I'm sorry. I would be upset too. Those nosey MILs.

TeacherMama7

That happened to me too, but from my SIL. I wasn't ready to share but she kept asking and so I felt I had to tell her. But I also told her I wasn't ready to tell people... I just had MC in July, and I feel that it is highly inappropriate to ask someone, even family, if they are pregnant! They will tell you when they are ready to!!!! Especially after a MC- imagine if I wasn't pregnant- her constant questions would be even harder.

In other words... It is NEVER okay to ask if someone is pregnant!!!!

carolyngrace

My mom ruined my family announcement almost the same way. I was going to tell everyone at the same time, but she pulled me aside and said "how are you? you're not pregnant, are you???" haha she knew we had been trying, but still! I had to say yes and she started screaming, then we had to tell everyone. Boo!

wynnemac

I'm sorry - that's frustrating. We are with my inlaws this weekend and I'm pretty sure my mother in law suspects something - she insisted I have dessert when I showed the slightest interest, and has probably noticed that I'm not ordering my red meat rare or drinking tea in bulk like I usually do. Luckily she hasn't said anything yet.

shannaberr

My sister in law kept asking me and my husband if we had something to tell. We kept saying no. Well last night we went to a wedding and normally if there is beer, I will drink. Well my sister in law noticed I didn't! Then I occasionally smoke, and I haven't smoked in awhile. So she caught on to that! Needs less to say she is very observative, and now she knows we are expecting!

lalamomma

I know I won't get more than another week or two with our friends, especially my friends husband. He is the worst. Having a kid already and a pregnant wife you would think he would get it, but no. I want to have a doctors appointment before we share with a lot of people and I want to tell our families first. So I'm trying to be smooth but it's tough when you normally drink and you see your friends regularly. I'll see my family Nov 13 -20 so I will share after that with close friends.

trambo78

I went to a birthday brunch. To my surprise, the first thing ordered was a bottle of Patron. Everyone was supposed to take a shot together. My DH somehow pulled off pouring water in my shot glass without anyone noticing. He even went up to the bar and order me virgin mimosas. Our secret is still safe.

bumpuser10605721

Ugh! Super frustrating! I had my SIL ask me last night at my brothers wedding if I was pregnant , I think I played it off well but part of me thinks she knows. I feel guilty tho because she just had a early MC/ Chemical and our due dates would of been 5 days apart.

opheliacantswim

@trambo78, your DH is a real champ.  Mine would never have been that smooth!   

kimmarie1105

I get so annoyed when people ask. It's so fucking intrusive. If someone is ready to share the news they will. And the worst offenders are women, go figure. Happy birthday @momtobe613‌ !

Trampslikeus

It is intrusive when people ask, but - trying to put a positive spin on it - its nice to realize people are that excited! When we skyped my inlaws to tell them, I was hoovering a bowl of pasta.   Before we got a chance to tell them, she was like "hungry, huh?"   I said "very" and she said "ohhhhhh -  any reason you're so hungry?"  and she was already grinning ear to ear.  It fudged our announcement plan, but you know, it was really awesome to see how excited they were.

mishmardhiono

I agree.. How awesome that people are so excited they can't bite their tongue? Maybe it is intrusive but I'd rather intrusive and knowing my baby has so much love and support already then no one caring at all..

dove1dove

Sorry about being outed. It can be upsetting when you're not ready but everyone else is so excited.

My husband has been upset that I don't want to tell his mom yet because she's a big mouth. Well we go to our first appointment this Tuesday and I'll be 9 weeks. Due June 2nd. He made dinner plans for tonight to tell them- and I wish he would have pushed it back a week, AFTER the appointment. I understand his excitement to tell his family- and maybe it's selfish of me, since we've told my mom- but I'm really nervous. I know she wants grand kids, but I also know she hates me. So this is strange. And I need the news to stay quiet. My boss doesn't know and she is a "friend" on my FB. And my MIL is a FB over-sharer. Anyhow I'm afraid telling her is going to lead to more unexpected or forced outings, and I've already had one.

kimmarie1105

What @chrain‌ said. It's not fun having to tell people you're not pregnant anymore. Especially when it's people you wouldn't share the news with. Insinuating that people who aren't "intrusive" by asking don't care is dumb.

brooke1082

I'm so sorry! This month happens to be several birthdays in our family (including mine and DH's) and it has been hard to not tell anyone because of my lack of drinking wine. I told people that I have a sinus infection and the dr told me to wait 14 days before he'll give me antibiotics, then when that 14 days was up I told them I was on antibiotics that I am not supposed to drink while taking. So far, I think it's working. But at one event my SIL's father (DH's brother's wife so no relation to me) came over and put his hand on my belly and asked how I was feeling. I told him I was great and when he walked away I looked at my DH and we couldn't contain our laughter. We hadn't told anybody and I am tall and slender. I know I'm bloated but I was only 5 weeks and not showing! Haha

mishmardhiono

chrain said:

mishmardhiono said:

I agree.. How awesome that people are so excited they can't bite their tongue? Maybe it is intrusive but I'd rather intrusive and knowing my baby has so much love and support already then no one caring at all..

Unless you have a miscarriage and then you have to go back to all those intrusive people and tell them or they keep asking you questions you don't want to talk about. That happened in my first pregnancy. People (not even family) kept saying "don't you have something you want to share" and I did... But then I had to go awkwardly tell those people that my baby died.

No one should force you or make you feel like you have to tell them. It's not their business. People I barely knew said this shit to me and I felt compelled to tell. Man was it humbling to go back and tell them we lost the baby.

That's a very different angle that I hadn't looked at and very understandable

kmvincek1

My husband totally doesn't understand women. He was under the belief that no one would out right ask if I was pregnant but every time I go out with friends, someone asks. Even when I'm fake drinking, they can totally see through it. I haven't admitted yet but I've stopped going out or seeing friends, which sucks.

JenRN1115

Sorry that you were not able to tell when and how you wanted.  We tell close family and everyone else after 1st trimester. 

kayladawn91

I have a nosy MIL too, so I understand. When we were trying, I got the flu once and when I went to the bathroom my MIL asked DH if I was pregnant. I think it's rude when people ask this.

We're telling our immediate families at Thanksgiving but want to wait until 14 weeks to tell everyone else. But I know that my MIL will end up spilling the beans to the rest of the family and her friends. She did the same with my SIL's pregnancy. Do you think I can just tell everyone except for her?

JoJo1111

In my horrible 2 weeks of limbo I had a few women at work ask me if I was pregnant. I broke down crying each time and told them I didn't want to talk about it (silly hormones)! They felt horrible and apologized profusely. I hope they learned not to ask people if they are pregnant unless there is a baby crowning you never know someone's situation.

Halalbaby

Its irritating. My mother in law spilled her guts to the entire family. i was always told to never say anything till the 3rd month in case of early m/c but she told everyone and denied it all together. it makes me itch!

cpeluso

I've been lying. I know it's terrible. Not to family but just to friends. Last night a male friend said when are you going to have a baby?! Are you pregnant? I just said "we're working on it." He didn't know that I miscarried at the end of August, so thankfully I am actually pregnant. I think people just don't think about it.

adreajoy713

My MIL told a bunch of coworkers...after we told her to keep her mouth shut. We went to visit her at work with my son and one if the coworkers congratulated me. My face must have said what I was thinking, because the coworker immediately said "was I not supposed to say anything?" I never responded. Even though I wanted to tell her that my MIL should have respected our wishes and kept her big mouth shut.

J234

Yup, I was outed yesterday by my sister's FRIEND!  I didn't even tell her.  I told my mom, who told the sister, who told her friend, who made a comment in public!  This was so upsetting, because I've only gained 2 lbs and I worked so hard to lose 10 lbs this summer.   : (

klkonwi

I've pretty much been hiding in my house from the in laws! Because they drink beer every evening after farm work and I never turn it down! I hate being isolated and not being able to socialize! Nov 10th appt hurry up!!!!!!!

ahershe

I got a text from my SIL tonight that said, "Are you prego?" I haven't seen her since I found out but we did tell my in laws about it today so we kinda figured they hinted or something. We asked the in laws if they spilled the beans and they haven't spoken to my SIL all day. She's a perceptive little stinker but we were happy to share it with her none the less. She has two girls and it will be nice to have someone to talk to that has been pregnant recently! But seriously! How did she know????

Chelseajohnsongibson

I had a frustrating experience too. One of the girls at my work found out from peering at my texts over my shoulder (UGH, I Know...this was literally at 4 weeks right after the positive test) so I swore her to secrecy. She did "keep the secret", however, kept asking me how I was feeling every day in front of multiple others who didn't know, and raised suspicion. Three days later my boss asked me in a super passive aggressive and sarcastic way, and I had no choice but to lie and deny (although I'm sure I looked full of BS). I'm pretty sure them even "insinuating" is illegal, but I was literally JUST pregnant and wasn't ready to tackle that. Now when I do tell my job I will have to admit I lied previously, not how I wanted it to go and a TON earlier than anyone should have to share.

guluna

momtobe613

Never got back here to say thank you for your support and kind words. It so wasn't how I pictured telling them or spending my birthday weekend but I guess I have to expect the unexpected from now on. Hopefully everything will go well with this pregnancy and I won't have to regret or feel bad about them knowing.

Thanks again for listening to me vent. You're an awesome group of women and I feel very lucky to share all of these experiences with you.

TeacherMama7

I totally agree with @chrain‌! When you have had a miscarriage, you want to wait to tell people until you are ready. I someone is ready to tell you, they will! Never ask!!!

I got in an argument with my husband about this, because when my SIL asked, I said "I hope, soon" which was technically a lie since we are pregnant... And he got mad at me for lying to her. I said, "this is one of the only times it's okay to lie! You can lie and tell someone you aren't pregnant if you aren't ready to tell!" However, he disagreed, so then I had to begrudgingly tell her.

What do you guys think? Is it okay to lie about being pregnant?

dove1dove

Yes it's okay to lie. I've done it quite a bit already. Although most of the questions haven't been direct but more like "when are you planning kids?"- and I've said "we're talking about them".... Which really isn't a lie. But I have had to flat out say "no, I'm not pregnant" too.

If you're not ready, you're not ready. Don't feel bad about it.

finchfeeder80

This is why I can't tell my step mom and step sister yet. I've been telling family and close friends, but I really want to wait until my u/s on the 10th before I go public with this thing. I just have this urge to want to make sure Fergus is really in there and doing Fergus the Fetus things before we announce. And my step sister will FOR SURE out me on Facebook. She can't keep her mouth shut. And in the epic words of my dad when I told him, "Where do you think she learned it from?" So he's keeping my secret safe with him right now. 

lalamomma

I've told a few fibs to keep it under wraps this time. If people were more understanding they wouldn't ask and I wouldn't have to.

Schnurette

kimmarie1105 said:

I get so annoyed when people ask. It's so fucking intrusive. If someone is ready to share the news they will. And the worst offenders are women, go figure. Happy birthday @momtobe613‌ !

Add to this also the women who, when you confirm, say "Oh I knew it. I've known for ages." Honestly. Way to let the air out of the tires.

MissIntentional

My MIL asked and I said no. You don't have to tell people even if they ask. I know it might be uncomfortable to lie though.

VaBarnet

Early this year I got pregnant and told my parents and some close friends. Well, My mom made me tell to my grandma, she actually said "you tell her or I will" needless to say that my grandma was on the phone the whole intire day telling the news... well, in June I MC. Now This time I told my mom again and she was the first one to tell me "this time we will keep it a secret" .

But there is this friend that is on my case for weeks! The week I found out we went to a football game and she noticed I was not drinking and asked the direct question ( I do not drink much, I am always the designated driver... there was no reason for that question). I said " maybe, idk, I could be". Did not know what to say... I was pissed. she knows about the MC and that was totally inappropriate.

DrD30

Ugh, I pretty much outed myself yesterday. I ran out of the operating theatre with all the gear on and threw up in the hall in front of EVERYBODY! The nurses immediately rejected my weak "stomach bug" excuse. I'm only 8 weeks and haven't had an ultrasound yet so was really trying to keep it under wraps.
The whole OR staff is buzzing about it.

littlechemist

I'm really nervous about getting outed... I'm closing in on 9 weeks, but it still just seem so early! I've kept my not drinking around friends pretty sneaky (I've been the designated driver a LOT lately), but it's just a matter of time before they find out. There's only so many excuses I can make! Their questions and knowing looks have gotten more and more serious over the past couple of weeks.  

I did tell one friend who lives out of town and isn't all that connected to the rest of my social circle, and she is a good secret-keeper (at least as far as I can tell!). My family will find out this weekend when we visit them, and my in-laws will get a copy of the sonogram in their anniversary card next week. 

I feel for you ladies who have been outed... that really stinks that people can't respect your privacy! 

Katerina&Baby

One of my cousins with whom I am really close kept insisting that I was pregnant at our last family gathering because I hadn't been drinking when we went out for my BIL's birthday the previous weekend. I looked her square in the eyes and said "look, I'm not at the weight I want to be at right now and having you keep saying that I must be pregnant doesn't really feel great" - she backed off IMMEDIATELY and was super apologetic. She's going to be so annoyed that I did that to her when I finally come clean (3 more weeks!) but I think it's a good lesson for her anyway

queequeg09256

Funny story my one co-worker kept eating crackers for a week and another co-worker asked if she was pregnant she said 'yea'. Lol. So I said I was super hungry the other day and she asked if I was pregnant. And I said 'do you see any crackers?' I think they know something up. Thank god for ginger ale... otherwise I would of had to bust out the crackers.