(NSAIFR) I hate when I have no idea what to say.....

kmc84

So one of my really good friends just found out her husband of two years has been have some sort of relationship with another woman (who she knows) for a year. Their daughter just turned a year.

I keep offering to help how ever I can-watch the baby, go for a walk to let her vent, meet for dinner.....

What they heck do you say/do??? My heart is broken for her right now-I NEVER could see her husband doing this

mcgeeva

That is an awful situation to be in. I'm sorry. Nothing honestly just offer support and if you offered to watch her lo just so she can have her time to take care of her I think is good or offer to go to dinner, get nails etc. But I think after I put the offer out I would leave her be because some people don't want to talk when they haven't themselves really figured out what to do or handle it. I can just only imagine wanting someone to take my lo for a few hours to sleep, cry or whatever since we as moms always put on a happy face for our kids while we cry inside. What your doing is good..and if she doesn't get back to you right away I wouldn't think anything of it. Your doing what you should!

mcgeeva

Sorry I guess I should add my dad caught my mom cheating on him a few months back. All I can do is offer support since even my brother doesn't even know. Basically I say offer support because even though I wish my dad would leave my cheating nasty selfish mother but realized he never will he is just heartbroken so that is all I can do if they choose to stay with cheaters. 

kmc84

@mcgeeva thank you. I definitely am not pushing her! I even offered to go for a walk today and said she didn't even have to say a word to me....

I'm sorry for your parents situation; that's got to be so hard see

Ruthie04

My dad started a relationship with his secretary when I was a toddler. It went on for years with my dad in and out of our lives before my parents divorced (they later reconciled). I have an obscene amount of memories of my mother sitting at the table sobbing. I hate that these memories are more vivid in my mind than memories of happy times. My mother was alone with three of us and I don't think she had any substantial support. I'd think offers for child care, a grocery store run or something similar would be the best gifts. As far as what to say- I think something along, "I'm so sorry/ this is so unfair" is probably the most helpful thing.

JBDamonM

I am hesitant to even put this out there (because its not my dirty laundry to air).....but went through this with my sister several years ago.....keep doing what you're doing. I think you are spot on and she is lucky to have such a good friend. Also FWIW - just my two cents, don't be overly vocal on what she should do (leave him, take him back etc.)....there are a lot of things that factor into that decision, and if she/they do decide to work on their marriage, I think it's incredibly advantageous for her to know that she still has you as a dependable friend.

Mrs.AmyDylan

Hugs. I'm In camp show up and shut up. Be her her friend, but help and listen. I think we are so programmed to give advice. Sometimes we just need to help, listen, and wait. I almost lost a very best friend over overly expressing my opinion of her shitty boyfriend and impending breakup. Sucks all the way around. More hugs.