Decisions, Decisions

MoFree

I have been agonizing about how many embryos to transfer ever since receiving the PGD report. If I transfer both and neither implants and grows into our take home child, I will deeply regret having made the wrong decision. If I transfer one successfully I might feel that I 'should' transfer the one remaining frostie although I would consider my family complete.

I am 37, TTC has been a part of my life since 2008 and I want to be finished with this phase of my life. I am so over the shots, the early mornings trips to the RE, the feeling of life being on hold and the emotional roller-coaster. MH and I would be okay with twins despite having previously delivered prematurely. br> Hypothetically, WWYD in my situation. We probably won't decide until a day or two before ET.

luvboston

What are there grades?

MoFree

luvboston said:

What are there grades?

According to RE, both are Grade A 5-day blasts.

ccam

I totally get what you mean about moving past this phase of your life, I've actually said that same thing to multiple people. 

Hypothetically, I would probably transfer one.  Your embryos sounds like they're great quality and we personally aren't open to twins right now (with a 2 year old at home).  My thinking is - if the first doesn't work, you have a second chance and if it does, then you can worry about the 2nd embryo later.  Our RE always told us that, in our case, transferring 2 would increase our chances of multiples, not necessarily pregnancy.

Good luck with your decision!

Mrs.McIrish

I hope you don't mind me chiming in as I don't post here yet. Since you did PGD you know you have 2 normals, I would do a eSET. I'm carrying twins and it's hard. I've had no complications but it's still painful etc. I don't have any other babies so I can rest when I need to. I'm eternally grateful to be carrying twins so I never have to go to the RE again so I completely get your need to be done with IF treatments. But Running around after your DD while carrying twins would be tough. Do people do it? Yes. But I'd try to avoid it if possible especially since you delivered DD at 31 weeks. Spending all that time in the NICU with twins and DD at home would be really difficult. I totally get not wanting to leave one embryo un-transferred if the first ET works but you don't need to "go there" right now. Hope this helps.

mcgeeva

Question..can you go back for round two and use the second then? Is cost no issue? 

Dragonfly1226

Well, I was pregnant with twins while caring for DS. He turned two during my pregnancy and was almost 28 months when K&A were born. I'm not going to lie. It was hard, and I didn't have any complications. I am a SAHM and my H used four weeks of vacation he had saved up to take the last month of my pregnancy off. It would have been very, very difficult for me to do it on my own. I basically laid on the couch all day from weeks 34-38. Luckily, my h also got 4 weeks paternity leave and it all happened to fall so that his vacation time reset just when he got back to work a month after the girls were born.

That being said, I wouldn't change things for the world. Twins are a lot of work, but they are also a lot of fun. We have always wanted 3 or 4 kids so going from one to three wasn't outside of our plans to start with.

It is such a personal decision, and only you know what is right for you and your family. Wishing you all the best hon!

TJ1979

That is such a hard (and unfair) decision to have to make Mo. I've been thinking about it and keep going back and forth. If you are ok with twins, and are ready to be done with this, I would lean towards transferring both. But I'm a super practical person. And I feel like I would rather have another chance if the first time didn't work out. There is no easy answer for this question Mo. Big hugs, and wishing peace for you and YH in your decision.

STL34

@MoFree, this is such a personal and hard decision.  I do not believe there is a wrong decision.  If I had two beautiful PGD normal embryos that were frozen separately, I would probably transfer one at a time.  If the first transfer worked, I would figure out what if anything I wanted to do with the second embryo (more likely than not, I would want to transfer it to give it a chance at a future date).  If, however, the embryos were frozen together such that to thaw one I had to thaw both, I would probably transfer both of them because if I didn't and the first transfer didn't work and then the second transfer didn't work, I would always wonder if the second one would have worked had I not needed to refreeze.

This is such a tough decision.  Thinking of you and praying that you are able to find peace with whatever you decide.

Ruthie04

I'm really sorry you are in such a tough spot. Many hugs and prayers for you to make a decision that brings you a wonderful outcome and peace.

As far as a WWYD, I would transfer one. One of my boys was a BB and one was so behind in development he wasn't even graded (they were both blasts, but one was making the transition to blast when we arrived for ET). So, with those wonderful grades, I think you have a great shot at both sticking. Here's the thing, I adore my boys and love that they are twins. They are each other's best buds and worst enemies, but the cuteness factor is out of this world. There's something so cool about being a twin mom and seeing them interact. They wrestle and giggle and it is so fun.

With that being said, I still wish I'd had them as singletons. Like @Mrs.McIrish said, twin pregnancy is hard. You grow big and fast and it is wrought with potential complications and risks (although, there's always a chance of an easy pregnancy, the possible trouble made me uneasy throughout my whole pregnancy and I only ever had minor complications and no NICU time). I was in so much pain and having as many as 10 contractions/ hour (not even labor related, just ineffective contractions) for weeks. I could hardly function in the end. Caring for a toddler and being pregnant with twins would be so difficult.

And, if I thought the pregnancy was rough, the newborn experience felt near impossible. I slept 20 minutes the first night home from the hospital. Nursing was hard, getting them to sleep was hard. I felt like someone was always crying and sometimes it was me. I'd fall asleep in the middle of sentences. Only now am I comfortable taking them to a park by myself (and it has to be fenced because they run). A solo museum or zoo trip is out of the question. They've just missed out on a lot because they are twins and have to share my attention. And, if you value privacy- kiss that goodbye. It takes us twice as long to run errands because we are constantly stopped by strangers. We get stared at and asked if they are "natural" more times than I'd like to admit.

So, I realize this sounds awful and I really do love being a twin mom. If you transfer two and both stick, you will love it and have a wonderful time. But, I really believe it's only fair to present some of the challenges you might not normally consider. That's just my honest (and very long winded!) answer to your question.

luvboston

I would transfer one.

phishgirl29

I would say 1 but I struggled with my last decision of transferring 1 two weeks ago. My son and his vanishing twin (at 9 weeks) were both 4AA 5-day blast and the one I just lost was a 4AB (no PGD). You just never know the outcome sadly and have to follow your gut.

JBDamonM

ccam said:

I totally get what you mean about moving past this phase of your life, I've actually said that same thing to multiple people. 

Hypothetically, I would probably transfer one.  Your embryos sounds like they're great quality and we personally aren't open to twins right now (with a 2 year old at home).  My thinking is - if the first doesn't work, you have a second chance and if it does, then you can worry about the 2nd embryo later.  Our RE always told us that, in our case, transferring 2 would increase our chances of multiples, not necessarily pregnancy.

Good luck with your decision!

This! All of it. And I just wanted to add that I am rooting very very hard for you. I have echoed SO MANY of the feelins you've expressed this cycle. I really hope this is it for you guys

Julie21613

This is such a tough decision.  DH & I could be faced with a similar decision next week if I have more then 1 embryo to transfer.  We have never had any make it to freeze so I'm inclined to think if we have 2 embryos we will transfer both.  I have always had 3 day transfers.  If I had enough embies to make it to a 5dt, I would probably only transfer 1.  Whatever decision you make, it will be the right one.  Hugs to you!

imoverit

I don't have any advice, but wanted you to know I'm thinking of you. I agree with pp that whatever you do decide will be the right one. This can't be easy. Hugs.

Mrs.AmyDylan

Hey lady! Tough decision. I would personally do an eSet for many of the reasons stated. For me, I had an amazing birthing center experience, which I would love to repeat and they don't deliver twins. Since you know both are high quality normal, you are most likely looking at two or zero. An eSet gives you two chances. 

I understand the struggle with what to do with the unused embie if you are only interested in putting IF behind you. I will say that ive had many friends say the FET process is a cake walk compared to a full IVF cycle. So if you would be up for another pregnancy, it is worth considering. 

Ultimately, what you decide is the best decision for you and your family. We will be here for you either way! Hugs and good luck with your choice. 

mdiblasi10

I didn't have a choice because I only had one normal embryo, but if I had had two, I would have only transferred one. My RE encourages only transferring one when you have genetically normal embryos and I agreed with him. 

Good luck with your decision!

Saraevh

I would only transfer one based on your history of PTL.