Why does it have to be so hard?

littlemissluc

Hi beautiful mamas. I just need a good piece of advice. This is my first pregnancy, I am in my early twenties and really happy about it but I just hate the way it makes me feel. I always thought my pregnancy would be a wonderful experience but it is nothing like that. I feel sick most of the time. My entire body hurts, I wake up every day with a new pain in places I never knew could hurt, I don't have the desire to do anything anymore, I feel unattractive, I hate my clothes, I hate food and lately I have been avoiding people because I feel better when no one but my SO is around. All of these things are so not me. I used to be the happiest and most outgoing person I know and now all my friends are worried thinking that I am not really happy about this baby. But I am, I feel so blessed by it and God knows it's the only thing that is keeping me together these days. I know many of you will say that this is completely normal and I believe that it is too, but I am not feeling like myself anymore and I am not happy about it. I don't know what to do to turn things around, how to get myself going and enjoy this pregnancy? Can you please tell me the little things you do for yourself that makes you feel selfworthy? I tried talking to people but most of them don't understand what I'm trying to say or they just say-oh, you just need to relax and enjoy. How do I do that when my body is a mess and I feel depressed most of the time? I am just lost, thank you all so much in advance. You are amazing and I admire you.

ajs89

I feel the same way. I always thought that pregnancy would be an amazing experience. Due to my ms and loss of energy, I feel like a different person. Hoping it will not stay this way through out my whole pregnancy. Just know you are not alone.

jk3610

If you are depressed, you should see someone. You can be happy about a pregnancy and depressed at the same time. :-h hello. You shouldn't just hope that being happy about the pregnancy will carry you through. If you're worried about it and your friends are worried, you need to seek treatment. If it's depression, it's serious. (Sorry mental health is a soapbox issue for me, as i've suffered for 20 years)

redneckmomma25

Pregnancy is hard. There are so many changes all at once. I agree with talking to your doctor.

Buy a new outfit.

Plan a date day with your SO.

Take a long walk buy yourself in one of your favorite places.

You may not feel this way your whole pregnancy either.

miracle4x

During my first pregnancy, I remember feeling like it was going to last sooo long, like it was this huge chunk of my life. Now that I'm on my fourth pregnancy, I know how short of a time it really is in the whole scheme of things and how fast it goes. I won't be buying any maternity clothes this time because it really isn't worth it considering how little you wear them. So anyway, don't think of it as "this is how my life is from now on," because it's only how your life is for a little while longer. I promise it gets better, and then after you have the baby you'll be dropping pounds like nobody's business and you'll have a new phase of life. You will look back at this pregnancy and think, gosh, that really was a short time! Hope this helps. It's helped me to think that way in this pregnancy.

mnharkcom

I am in the same boat although it's gotten better I'm 14 weeks. I'm a FTM and was shocked when I was miserable for weeks non stop. So far nothing too glamorous but after seeing baby's heartbeat my feelings started getting better knowing this is all worth it. Do some shopping and buy new clothes. My mom noticed I was getting depressed and called me out on it but then was there to talk me through all of this. Maybe you have someone to just completely tell all your feelings to?

ally3242

I think that once your visibly pregnant, you may feel better about your appearance. It's hard when you just look like you are a dozen thanksgiving dinners rather than pregnant. And it is hard on some women's body's physically, try some prenatal yoga to help with the aches and pains, it's done wonders for my body.

Hang in there and know that it may not get better...but I pray that it does. Pregnancy should be an amazing and exciting time in a woman's life. If it doesn't get better, know it's so worth it....the misery is temporary, being a mom is just the most magical thing ever.

Sharon&Paul

miracle4x said:

During my first pregnancy, I remember feeling like it was going to last sooo long, like it was this huge chunk of my life. Now that I'm on my fourth pregnancy, I know how short of a time it really is in the whole scheme of things and how fast it goes. I won't be buying any maternity clothes this time because it really isn't worth it considering how little you wear them. So anyway, don't think of it as "this is how my life is from now on," because it's only how your life is for a little while longer. I promise it gets better, and then after you have the baby you'll be dropping pounds like nobody's business and you'll have a new phase of life. You will look back at this pregnancy and think, gosh, that really was a short time! Hope this helps. It's helped me to think that way in this pregnancy.

This is exactly me. My first pregnancy the MS was so bad. I would just walk and vomit. I did not want to take meds in fear they would harm the baby. I suffered miserably. I cried to my husband that I would never be normal again. And at that time I truly believed it. No with my fourth pregnancy I am aware that this all will end and you will return to normal. Just focus on the moment at hand and not the whole pregnancy. You can concur each hurdle as they come.

Alicia_R1

*hugs*

I know how you feel being pretty much miserable right now.  I am 16 weeks, I am trying to not hate my clothes so much, it has helped that a lot of the first tri bloat has gone away and some of my jeans still fit (being that they are very low rise and were my 1-2 size bigger than normal jeans).  To feel a bit better I did get a bella band to wear around my favorite ones that don't button anymore and just barely zip.  It helps me to keep wearing my pre-pregnancy clothes that I can. 

I did splurge on some comfortable clothes to wear around the house that were cute and flattering, went and got my hair done and my nails as well.  Just the little bit of pampering helped me feel more like myself.  Getting out and running helped me the most.  I used to run all the time, and then since we did IVF and I had an SCH that was causing some issues, I wasn't able to run until around 12 weeks.  Getting outside, even if it's taking the dog for a walk makes me feel happy and more confident.  Also yoga. 

I too hate food, really I hate eating.  I am miserable for hours after, but I know I must.  I look forward to when that will end, but otherwise I just try to make things I know taste good at that moment, some days, it's a lot of apples. 

I did a lot of major complaining, basically down right bitching to my husband until about 12 weeks and I somehow managed to adjust how I talked about things.  I still talk about the miserable things, but in a different manner so my outlook isn't so negative.  It helps to have someone who will listen and commiserate and not tell me how "it will get better" or "just relax" or even when they tell me how it gets worse after my child will be born and to enjoy things now.  I stay away from those people. 

ChanStew

Laynabella said:

I feel exactly the same way... though I don't talk about it much. I'm normally pretty introverted, but even my friends and family are a little concerned that I've turned into a grumpy hermit. I'm 16.5 weeks and still pretty sick, so that doesn't help. This is my 4th pregnancy, and I've never been so sick. It's a miserable thing. My husband has been trying to help, but he's struggling with how... he keeps saying "I miss you", even though we're together all the time. I just say I miss me to.

I'm thinking once the fog of morning sickness lifts and I have the big ultrasound, things will turn around. I wish I had more advice to offer, as I'm an experience mom, but this one has just hit me so different than the rest. At least know you are not alone, and please do talk to your doctor if you are really concenend.

One thing I've done a time or two this pregnancy to take my mind off things (hard to do when sick though), is go to the spa... get a nice massage or pedicure or even just a haircut. These things cheer me up. Oh and bagels, bagels fix everything

DH says this too...poor guy.  Hope you get feeling better soon...and you too OP!

littlemissluc

@Swoon13‌ I am 14w2d. I started feeling miserable at around 8 weeks and it lasted until week 10 and then it all went back even worse in week 12. I have a wonderful doctor who is like family to me and I have told him about this, he told me to hang in there and take good care of myself and try to focus on myself and do what makes me happy. I try to follow his advice but it just gets so hard when my body won't listen. I don't think that this is depression foreal because although I feel awful, I love this little peanut of mine more and more every day and I look forward to being a mom. I feel extremely blessed by this pregnancy and I have a wonderful life and home to bring this baby in and I will do anything I can to prepare myself for it the best way I can.

It is just that I love myself less and less, that's what makes me feel so low all the time. It's sort of a feeling that my body is failing me and not letting me be as happy as I want to be. It stops me from doing the things I love and I know it sound crazy but I am really angry at it. Feeling sick stops me from doing thins and going places and that just makes me want to put myself in a bubble and stay there. Oh, and the way my body is changing, it sometimes affects me badly. I have always been really grateful for literary not having to do anything to have my dream body and now looking at my supermodel like figure and muscles slowly wanishing, ugh it feels so bad! I know it's my baby and I know I will have it back soon enough but I just can't seem to accept these muffin tops and thighs and booty. I am really not self centered or vain but I have been super confident my whole life and now I just feel like I lost "it". I really hope that looking pregnant will make me feel better about it. Or getting new clothes. That sounds like a good idea. I know that this is all super normal and that there is nothing anyone but me can do to really help which is why I am determined to follow all of your tips and just get myself going! I really hope that my body responds to all of it and lets me change the things that make me feel sad and depressed.

I want you to know that I really appreciate your time and all the useful things you wrote. It does help when you talk to someone who truly understands. Thank you!

xuxachi

If you're not feeling well, then not wanting to eat, socialize, etc sounds normal. I've been a total hermit this whole first trimester and I've been so okay with this. When you feel crappy, you feel crappy. It's temporary. Sometimes I have a social engagement I can't miss or need to do for the kids...it always turns out better than I expected, so I am reminded that getting out can help...but even still I rarely do it. Hang in there and if it persists then talk to your doctor. There are some good suggestions in this thread. GL

littlemissluc

@Swoon13‌ Now that's an amazing idea. I'm a huge bookworm and it never occured to me that I could include my baby during my peaceful reading time. Thank you so much!

ashjenn

((((Hugs)))) for you!!! I get out of the house everyday(mostly bc I have to go to work) but when I get home I listen to my body and either rest, go outside or go for a walk. On the weekends I make sure to plan something ahead so I look forward to it and then I take my time getting ready and making sure I feel good about myself. I also always have my nails done, whether I get them done or do it myself it helps me feel a little better and somewhat put together even though my hair and face might be a mess! when I feel down or just want to lay around I do, but I have my phone or iPad and look at baby stuff all the time and it just keeps me feeling excited and looking forward to each next apt. Also having supportive positive people around asking how I am and checking on me helps too! I hope something in this thread helps you!!! ) (thanks for being transparent and sharing with us!)

ashjenn

And I'm not sure why that weird smiley face was the one that posted but anyways....

ElizabethSwann

Pregnancy can be really hard for some people. Its easy to get depressed especially when you feel so sick, but maybe its time to talk to someone if you are trying to find your self-worth. I do hope you feel better ASAP.

Ncountrygal

It's hard to feel good about yourself when pregnancy is at its hardest. That's not your fault. Maybe things will change as the weeks go by. For now, talk to the doc, get a little exercise or outdoor time, even if you're like me and want to hide when your down. Think about the baby stuff that does get you excited. Maybe that's planning the nursery, making something for baby, researching gear, imagining those snuggles, thinking about how you want to parent, whatever it is.

jk3610

Swoon13 said:

And m sure you know this but I noticed you said you didn't think it was depression because you love the baby. Depression during pregnancy isn't always caused by someone not connecting to their baby, it's generally about self-love and/or financial or family situations. So just keep a wary eye out for the signs of actual depression and try to do sweet things for yourself.

Agreed. Just because someone has depression does not necessarily mean they do not love their baby or feel connected to it. if you are suffering from an uncharacteristically poor self-image or not enjoying things you used to enjoy, there is no shame or harm in talking to a therapist about it. They are trained to listen and help. Best wishes.

KellyA724

I think this is pretty normal, but I'd also recommend talking to a therapist just in case there is something more behind it. I don't think it ever hurts to talk it out! 

I'm loving everyone's suggestions, especially reading to your baby and pampering yourself. Personally, I feel SO much better when I get out of the house and just go for a short a walk. 

I hope you start to feel better, I'm sending hugs your way! You did the right thing by reaching out to us about it :-)

amystan

Yeah it can be pretty crappy sometimes. I was expecting this amazing time where everyone around me was so interested in my pregnancy and the changes I'm going through but really it's true what they say, nobody is as interested and happy for you as you and your so. I found that some of my friends really are just acquantinces (jeeze it took a while for me to figure out how to spell that right) because I'm not drinking and going out dancing like I used to. Seriously, people? IDK how it is for moms in their 30's and 40's but I am guessing it's a little different for us who are in our early 20's (ok I'm 26 so not soooo early 20's for me anymore, but I like to pretend). Be happy you like being together with your SO still and relish in the fact that soon you are going to have a new little bestie to hang with and hopefully it's just been a rough few weeks for you.  

jobotrobot

I'm sorry you're feeling crummy. I sometimes feel that despite growing a human and being a newlywed in a new home, my life is so boring and I have lost the drive to do things (like decorate for Halloween, for example). And looking at my growing tummy makes me feel fat, not pregnant. But then I think of how I prayed for this and we're so lucky to be adding to our family. Every pound gained is a step to a healthy baby. Every ache is your body knowing what to do to grow a human.

Can you do something for yourself like get a pedicure or get your eyebrows threaded (works for me)? Or indulge in a craving or start buying things for the baby? That might help a little. Hope you feel better soon.

topaz7777

I feel like this too.  Very down about things.  Feeling very alone.  Tired of feeling fat and sick and unattractive.  It will get better, but now just sucks.