Let's talk about having the next baby...

edoliesmom

I see so many of you who have baby fever and are like, "If this and that wasn't the case, I'd totally be pregnant right now!"

Before I was pregnant, I wanted 4 kids. When I got really big and pregnant, I was like, "Okay, maybe just 2 or 3." After giving birth, I was like, "Maybe we can just adopt the next one!" And now having been a mother for 6 months, I'm kind of dreading having a second kid. With the sleep deprivation, the complete life change of my time and life revolving around a little, helpless, completely dependent person, I just don't know if I want to go through that again. I don't want Edolie to be an only child, and maybe after she's a little more independent, I'll feel differently since time will have passed. But gosh... I don't know. 

Does anyone else feel this way?? And for the moms that want another one right now, is your baby like a super easy baby? Not that I even have a really difficult baby, but I just don't get how anyone can want another one RIGHT NOW after what we've all gone through.

Laroo0220

Right there with you. Read your title and in my head was like "let's not". I have 2 now but they're 5 yrs apart, not even ready to start entertaining the idea of more

chichi589

I planned on having 1 more after this since we have DSD from my SOs previous relationship and I didn't want Chase to be an only child when she's at her moms. With that being said we have Karsyn about 75% of the time she's 2 1/2 it's very overwhelming when I have both myself. I can't imagine any more. 2 kids is incredibly exhausting I love them both to death and wouldn't change a thing but I'm pretty sure this mommas body is OAD. I can't emotionally go through the exhaustion again. By the time we can afford it in a few years I won't want to start the baby stage again. I completely understand where you are coming from.

allyandmike24

Yeah, pre-BFP I was like "BASEBALL TEAM!!", then I had hyperemesis gravidarium from 6 weeks to 8 months preg and then LO was born 6 weeks early. I'm still dealing with some ptsd from her birth/hospitalization, so I think we'll be waiting quite a while before thinking about #2. It makes me sad, because *rationally* I know that everything was fine and she's perfectly healthy, but the thought of doing that again is really upsetting and stressful and I'm not sure if I can again. 

katiedidthat

I felt this way before DS2 was conceived, but now that he's here- I wouldn't change it for the world.  Looking back I'm kind of glad we accidentally ended up pregnant with him when we did, since I'm now getting out of the newborn stage and able to enjoy both kids without worrying about DS1 really being jealous, and don't have to worry about readjusting to it later (unless we decide to have a third).   Basically I can completely see having kids close together on purpose.  Once your only child is older and independent, I don't understand wanting to go back to having a baby around again.  Seems like it would be harder to do it that way but YMMV. 

ladygali

Yep, same here. I could have written every word. I always thought I wanted two or three, but now we may be OAD. Pregnancy and birth really weren't a big deal for me, so that's not the issue. It's the sleep deprivation and the life change that I've had a hard time with. So, I don't know. I think it's too soon for me to decide anything. The other issue is DH, who is very firmly OAD. I don't know how we will figure that out.

hordol

My baby isn't very easy (well he is a happy guy but doesn't sleep) but I still want another. I want another but kind of want to skip ahead to 3 months with the next baby...haha. Jk but not really...I dread the newborn stage of another baby but can't wait to have another. I'm also really excited to have older kids and know all the stresses of right now with be worth it.

MrsL13

It took me 3 1/2 years to want another one. Haha DD1 was super easy. She slept all day as a newborn and started sleeping through the night around 6 weeks. I feel like you think any of the "bad" things that happened while pregnant / in labor weren't so bad and then you want a second or third. Lol

emilyann64

I feel exactly the way you do @edoliesmom‌. We have always wanted to be OAD though.
I do find myself thinking about another baby occasionally, but it's more about missing my sweet little cuddly newborn:)
I sometimes wish I would just get pregnant accidentally so it wouldn't have to be a choice! But then I think back on the first two (6) months, and my lack of sleep, and I'm like, no thank you!

Dixon813

It wasn't until about a month or so ago (when Liam got past the 4 month sleep regression, started developing his personality and I was comfortable back at work) that I truly thought "We could do this again."  Don't get me wrong, would like to have 2-3 years between Liam and the next baby, but there were many moments in the first few months that I wasn't sure I wanted another. 

RedDawnsRevenge

After DD1s horrible birth I was very much team OAD. And then DH didn't pull and just prayed, and I told him it was a stupid move because I was ovulating, and that's how I had my 4th MC. It was probably the left over hormones telling me to do it, but I told DH I wanted a second. DH an only child (his half sister and late half brother are in their late 60's) agreed. I thought we'd NTNP, but it took right out of the gate. I really thought we'd try for another 8years or finally give up an adopt. Now after having had 2 c/s DH wants a son, but there's no guarantee, and I really don't want to have 4 kids. Plus I cannot work through another pregnancy as each one seems to get worse. I really really want to adopt, but the rec's in Ca are crazy, and we've been turned down before.

UnofficiallyLO

My grandmother, Dad and I were all only children and I plan on OAD. I'm sure what you're feeling is very typical and will pass once your LO is older/more independent/you're missing baby stage and if not, she's not destined for a life of solitude without a sibling

J&NL

I felt the same way with J until I saw her growing older and realized I really did want another one. Every pregnancy and baby is different so don't let her discourage you!

Trgree1712

I totally agree. People keep saying give it time you will want to do it again. But I don't think that is the case. The more time that passes the less I want to go through the whole pregnancy newborn baby stage.

OliveOyl2014

Before we got pregnant, DH and I both wanted at least 2, maybe 3. Now we are thing about being OAD. LO was (and still is) a fairly fussy baby. I would like one more so that LO is not an only child, but talking DH into it isn't happening any time soon. He says if we decide to have another, he wants to wait at least 5 years. I would prefer a smaller gap. But so many people have said that after the first year you tend to forget about the newborn stage. Either that or you feel like you can handle it again.

nicole mackenzie

We want two. LO is very healthy happy little one who likes to be held all the time. For me I think LO is easy. Dc thinks I hold her too much and someone else maybe wouldn't think she was easy.

I was concerned about being tired and life changing but now that LO is here I'm managing and I feel like wed adjust well to a second.

We're ntnp. I haven't had my first period, and started temping this month and so far doesn't look like I've ovulated. I don't want to do anything to make myself ovulate, just going to let my body do its thing. I figure when LO starts solids then I may become fertile again. We shall see what my body naturally does.

I pump at work 3 days and EBF the rest of the time. I also nurse to sleep and bedshare.

avidkeo

So Ill put my hand up and say that DD is a super easy baby. 

She is just a ray of sunshine, and its not just me who says that. I have been on four flights with her, she never complained except once when I tried putting her in the ergo and got her leg stuck. She has slept in several places away from home, just gone out like her usual self. She has even slept on the floor on a blanket once. We have taken her to parties and dinners where she has been passed around like a parcel and never once complained. Even when over tired she barely makes a sound. 

So we have been completely spoiled with baby one.

I cant wait to get pregnant again! AF has just arrived today for the first time PP (exactly 6 months! DD half birthday is today!). So I am all excited because it means we can start trying again!

However I know there is very little chance of the second one being as good. In fact I expect karma to bite us on the ass and give us the colicky baby that wont sleep at all etc etc. 

Smores730

Going 0-1 is a hard adjustment because of all the life changes involved. Going 1-2 isn't nearly as life changing. (Going 2-3 is a juggling act!) When we tried for #2 when #1 was 18 months we knew we wanted another kid and our motivation was to get it over with. Also after a while, you'll somehow start looking back at this time as "not so bad" and will only remember all the cute cuddles!

Mport90

Agree to so many of these posts. I go back and forth daily... I have a fussy breastfed baby. He doesn't sleep well up at least 3x per night so my exhaustion is like OAD but I do want him to have at least one sibling. I haven't adjusted well to not being able to do "me". I also SAHM so maybe that is making my feelings more intense.

porterlove525

I go back and forth daily on being OAD. DS is a great baby during the day, but literally doesn't nap or sleep at night. And working a full time job, with a husband who is gone every week traveling for work, on no more than 1-2hrs of sleep a night for the past 6+ months is killing me. There's no way I could even entertain the idea of #2.

There's also the financial aspect. Raising kids and the cost of daycare in New England is insane. And I can't imagine 2 kids and no husband to help when I'm barely surviving with just 1. Add to that the fact that I lost 2 babies and 2 years of time prior to DS and very well could have issues getting and staying pregnant again, I will soon be 34, had a horrible pregnancy and had to recover from a c-section without any pain meds or antibiotics due to allergies, the fog of PPD is just starting to lift and we won't know how severe DS' vision issues will be for a couple of years...all leads me to altering my original plan of 2-3 to most likely OAD.

It saddens me, as 1 of 4 kids, to think DS may be an only so I'm not ruling it out until after he's 2. If we're not TTC #2 by then I'll be OAD. Hopefully by then things will be easier and I'll actually want to sleep with my husband again?

edoliesmom

3crazykitties said:

I go back and forth everyday if I am OAD. DH and I talked and decided in about a year or so we will evaluate or feelings, lifestyle and finances. Then decide if another LO is in our cards. I totally know how you feel.

I think this is what we're going to do also. My husband about a month or so ago said he didn't want Edolie to be an only child, and just a day or two ago, he said he'd be fine if she was our only one. lol Even though he's not hormonal, I think the sleep deprivation is wearing on him too!

@emilyann64‌ Yes! The only time I want another one is when I remember the day Edolie was born or look at pictures of her being a perfect tiny baby who slept 20+ hours a day.

I had such an easy pregnancy, an okay birth... Really long but no major complications, and she's honestly a pretty easy baby overall. I just put a high value on sleep, and she hasn't been sleeping as well as she used to since we've moved in August. But it's not even that bad! She only wakes up once at night and once in the morning. I'm just a weenie.

I had thought about that @LalaMama81‌ - about the second not being as drastically life-changing. That's why I'm thinking after some time passes I'll be okay with the idea of having another.

But I also get intimidated hearing about how your second one is harder if your first one was easy, blah blah blah.

I'm just all over the place, obviously. haha

CalinAZ

We definitely still want another child, but have no plans on trying for anything closer than 2 years apart. I'm finally starting to feel like myself again - back down to pre-pregnancy weight, got my PP period, have a loose routine in order. I also am so loving the special time I'm having with my son, and cannot imagine having to split that time with morning sickness and, eventually, another baby. I'm so very content with my one right now.

Adding to that, we're moving next summer, and I will definitely have to go back to work, so having a baby right before (or during) the start of the next school year would be a disaster. Plus, to qualify for FMLA, I'll need to have been working for a year first, so it wouldn't be smart to have a baby before June 2015. 

Our goal is 3 years apart, but we'll start trying about a year before, since it took 13 months to conceive this little one.

LizChad09

I have a lot of conflicting feelings about this. Savannah is a very easy baby. She pretty much slept through the night at 8 weeks. DH has always been of the mind set that you "buy your pet a pet" meaning that he doesn't want to by OAD. As 1 of 4, I am inclined to agree. We have however had a rough go of things over the last 6 months. S was born with clubbed feet so from 2 1/2 weeks to 6 1/2 weeks she had casts from her toes to her hips. After that she had braces on her feet to keep them in place. At 4 months we got send to PT for tortocollis and at 6 months we were given a helmet for her playgiocephly. I feel like the constant apparatus have robbed me of my cuddly baby. My fear is that I will either have to go through all of this again (the clubbed feet are most likely hereditary) for baby 2 or baby 2 will not have any issues and then I feel like I might resent baby 2 for not. Add in that I turned 33 this year and feel like my clock is ticking. Just so hard. I agree with people that time will tell what our future holds.

Talltrees82

Now that LO is 6 months and we're into a routine, I definitely want another. The last few years my parents have been having some health issues and I'm so grateful to have my siblings to lean on, and I really want to give that to LO. If money and daycare costs weren't an issue, I'd be all over that right now since it took 2 years to conceive LO. But it would be really tough for us to afford another if we got pregnant right off the bat.

PPD aside I had a really great pregnancy and delivery. LO has been sleeping well and is super easy going with our on-the-go lifestyle. So I'm also nervous that things might be totally different next time!

MissWhis

allyandmike24 said:

Yeah, pre-BFP I was like "BASEBALL TEAM!!", then I had hyperemesis gravidarium from 6 weeks to 8 months preg and then LO was born 6 weeks early. I'm still dealing with some ptsd from her birth/hospitalization, so I think we'll be waiting quite a while before thinking about #2. It makes me sad, because *rationally* I know that everything was fine and she's perfectly healthy, but the thought of doing that again is really upsetting and stressful and I'm not sure if I can again. 

I've been feeling really anxious about some of the same stuff. While I'm pretty sure we will try for another next year, I start feeling panicky thinking about whether I will have preterm labor (and the myriad of other complications I had last pregnancy) again. And what if there's another NICU stay? Or I'm on hospital bed rest again? It was hard enough last time around, but I can't imagine going through that and also having my daughter to care for and worry about.

Or what if there are whole new complications this time? Ugh.

Add all that to the typical STM fears of not giving the first all the attention anymore, etc, etc... I feel like a basket case when I think about it!

Hopefully I'll feel better when the time is closer - it feels like it's coming fast, though.

brigsky

The thought of another cuddly squishy makes me happy but if it happened now I might jump out our window, insert dramatic face .

DH doesn't get it and 'jokes' about having 4, mostly because he likes messing with me and i have always said 2, he said 3, for the past 11 years. Anywho, whenever he says it I feel like I'm going to pass out and triple check if I've taken my BC pill.

This one was by accident but we are that couple that "weren't trying but not trying" and wanted to be 30, etc. Two months after my 30th, we were blessed with Skyler. He has been that unicorn Gerber baby and my pregnancy went well with a fab recovery. Emotionally and financially I think I would lose my mind. Plus, how do you keep everything clean and sleep?!?

DH and I would like to have another before I'm 35. My brother is 27 and autistic so I want to avoid any unnecessary chances.

Part of me wants to be one and done. Watch, I'll be next. Oy! Perfect world, when baby is 2 years we discuss, get pregnant, and be done by 35.

AmberLiz99

I wasn't ready to think about baby number 2 until my son was almost 2 years old. Now I feel like I'm just getting used to two ad I'm not sure about number 3. Dh and I agree that we will decide if we are having one more a year from now, not right away. Things change a lot as they get a little older. Some things are easier and some are harder, but it's very different.

Jodash24

There's 7 years between my boys and we said we would either have one soon ( ttc in the next few months ) or not at all. I'm taking the contraceptive pill and had to change to another one which is making me paranoid that I'm pregnant, now I think I'm against the idea

hlm184

Before having kiddo I was in the 1-2 camp.  Now I'm solid in the 3 camp and wishing we could swing 4.

I also want to aim for about two years between kids.  We'll pull the goalie in April.  DH would start trying now if it were up to him, which he finds hilarious (never thought he'd feel that way).

MrsB915

@allyandmike24‌ , i could have written the same thing. I loved being pregnant. It was a great experience up until 31w 5d when i went into labor and had my son four days later. I definitely wanted three before i got pg but his five week nicu stay had us questioning if we were OAD initially. Then i look back on his NICU experience and it could have been so much worse, he was a feeder grower and amazing!

He has STTN since 4mos (actual) with only a brief regression and is doing so well. He is a happy, easy going baby who is sitting and rolling and has such a happy personality. Now that my NICU ptsd is starting to recede (going back to visit was the hardest thing I did since we finally brought him home but it think it was a healing experience) I am starting to become more comfortable with the idea of having a second. My husband was ready much sooner than I, I think due in part to the fact that he is 6 years older than I and didn't spend all day, every day in the NICU. We are ntna, I had my first pp period and have started temping again to give myself some feeling of control. At this point I feel ready, I think! it took a year last time so I don't think this time will be any different.

Sorry that was so long I guess I had a lot to get off my chest.

juniper75

I always wanted 2. Then I went through exactly what you are thinking right now and just as I was thinking OAD might not be so bad we got pregnant. It took us years to conceive DD1 and right before her I had been told that I had poor ovarian reserve and time might be limited. So we weren't even sure a second would be an option for us. We stopped preventing when DD was 6 months and we got pregnant the very first month I got my period back. It was a complete suprise. My girls are 19 months apart. I was completely overwhelmed trying to figure out how I would manage two littles and while its not what I would call easy - it hasn't been anywhere near as bad as I imagined. And this LO has had more issues than my first (reflux etc...). DH and I have no time for each other and are fighting a lot but I know that will improve when we get past the first year. I love seeing my girls together and I am glad things worked out this way. The only real downside for us is the double full time daycare costs for a longer period...that hurts A LOT!

LolaX2

I was certainly not ready at 6 months pp!

DD is my second. Both my pregnancies were HR, hard recovery with c-sections and miserable for the most part. My first was not a super easy baby but not too hard either. We had fertility issues and DS was the result of 2 years TTC one of which was with a RE. We decided that we were not going through all the treatments again and would just see if it was in our cards to have a second.  

Since we had all the fertility issues we figured if we were lucky enough to have a second child, it would likely take a while so when DS was around 10 months old we would stopped preventing. We didn't really expect anything, but low and behold about 9 months later we found out I was pregnant.  

I really think the second time around was easier, because the biggest change is going from no child to one and all the adjustments. while it still is a challenge with a toddler and a baby, I feel like things are much easier overall this time, everything is not so foreign and brand new KWIM?

speechie517

We plan on talking about it when B is about a year old and seeing if we are in the financial position to have another one. I'm already ready for another one and would love to have two kids close in age.

My pregnancy was super easy and B is a really easy baby, so those sway me toward having another sooner, rather than later. Finances and wanting my body to "be mine" for a while are things that make me want to wait.

HAndrews25

I always jokingly said two if the first one is really good...  And my first one is really good.  We call him the magic baby!  Now I am thinking, there is no way I can have another magic baby like this?????  What will the next one be like? Do I want to go through all of this again? Do I want my Little Dude to have the joy/annoyance of a sibling?  So for the past six months I have been in the mind set of one and done.  My hubby really wants another one.  We require fertility treatments to conceive so there is a timing/planning/finances aspect to the whole “trying” part of it. And because of the fertility issues, we need to try soon. But then yesterday I found myself going over how much time off I have on the books and calculating when I would have earned enough to take another 6 month maternity leave????  Next August, so I guess we will have to decide by then…

allyandmike24

@mrsb915 and @misswhis - this is part of why I love TB. I felt so crazy having these feelings of panic and anxiety 6 months after the fact- like I have a beautiful and healthy baby, what's my problem?! I'm comforted in knowing that you both are going through similiar things. I'm considering seeing a therapist that specializes in birth trauma to help me work it out. Hugs to both of you and any other Mama's dealing with this. 

kmos816

I've thought about being oad for those same reasons; but it's honestly too soon for me to think about! Maybe when DD is 3.... In fact I'm at the doctors right now to discuss an iud; I don't trust condoms enough and having another now frightens me!

SoulTermination

I grew up hating kids and saying I was never going to have one, but that if I did I'd want to have at least two rather than having an only child because I grew up an only child and was very lonely (though my home situation didn't help...).

After LO's birth (according to all my female in-laws, my OB, and my OB's NP I saw at my 6-week PP visit, I had a hard labor and birthing experience), I'm not so sure I want to go through that again.  I still don't really want A to grow up an only child.  I can remember the pain of her birth, though not in vivid, excruciating detail.  I can remember the nausea and near vomiting, the frantic rush to get me hooked up to oxygen before I hyperventilated and blacked out, me trying to scrape the mask off my face because I thought I was going to puke in it and then asphyxiate and leave LO without a mom... it wasn't an empowering experience, to be honest, more like the scariest damn thing I've ever been through, and it wasn't even as bad as some of the mamas here I've read about!

I think we'll see in a few years.  Hopefully our finances are a little better by then, and we can actually afford kids.  We couldn't really afford to have A, but she was our little surprise.

rtv3

I know I want more (many more!) but we're definitely not ready yet. We're hoping to start TTC in July, which will put DD close to/ just over 2 depending on when I get KU.
Some days the thought of the next one terrifies me but mostly I'm excited

MaglioMomma

meg.eliz1 said:

We've always wanted 2 or 3 and after DD said we wanted to wait until she was a little more independent but also still wanted them close. Well....here we are expecting #2.

Looking like I may be joining you! Just took a test tonight and it's clear as day. We were thinking of ttc more like September... but clearly we're on a quicker track. My husband didn't shit a brick like I thought he would. We are still trying to wrap our head around it, but it's all good

nicole08709

Yes! Some people are like ok..time to start on the next one soon.. (it took us 12mo to conceive) so I'm with you always wanted 2. But now having one and I feel for me, in my opinion, it's a lot of work!!! Plus with me staying home I don't know if we can afford two! I guess we'll wait a few years and see I want to have another and I want them to be close in age but I'm dreading it too!!

nicole mackenzie

@SoulTermination‌ I'm sorry you and some other ladies had such traumatic birthing experiences