Temper Tantrums

jamizipp

Help! My 20 month old is having horrible temper tantrums the second he wakes up or the second he comes home from daycare. For example, this morning I went in his room at 5:50 to get him when he was crying and he sat down and yelled "no!" He flailed around when I was changing his diaper and he just wanted to run to the pantry for food. I gave him food, but when he saw me shut the pantry he started screaming and crying again for no reason.

He doesn't react to a swat on the butt, and I can't talk to him to calm him down. He just screams louder.

Any advice?

ashiscute

Ignore.  When my kids are carrying on that way they are no longer able to listen to me so I stop talking and wait for them to calm down.  I just say once "I'll wait until you're calm and ready".  And then I go about my way.  If they are doing something unsafe I step in but otherwise I ignore it.  Swatting your LO on the butt is unlikely to stop them from crying IMO.  

WildRumpus

Ask your child care provider what they do at school when he reacts this way and if it seems to work for them. Consistency between school and home can make a big difference. Aside from that, like pp said, you sometimes just have to ignore and let it run its course. The more you feed into the tantrum, the worse it will get. We typically acknowledge that my LO is unhappy (I'm sorry you're upset, but we don't scream to get what we want) and then as long as he's not going to hurt himself or others, I just let him throw the fit. 9 out of 10 times if he doesn't see me reacting, he stops.

MrsG071809

Agree with PPs - we either ignore or acknowledge and talk through it, depending on the severity.  If I can tell the source of the tantrum (having to come inside, taking a toy away, etc) I can talk her through it usually (I know you are sad that Mommy took the toy away, but you were throwing it and that's not what we do with our toys. Let's find something else to play with.)  If it's an irrational full blown tantrum where I can't even figure out what caused it, we'll just walk away and tell her that we'll come back when she's calm.  She usually comes to find us in about 5 seconds, and then we can distract her with something.  I have also had pretty good luck with asking DD to look at me when she's crying hysterically - I'm actually surprised that she does it, but if I pull her in close and say "look at mommy" she will stop and look at me, and most of the time listen to what I'm saying.  I am assuming the clock is running out on how long this will work though...

DawnJM25

I ignore this behavior. It's completely normal at this age, but I also don't want the kiddos to learn that tantrums will get them what they want  I typically walk away. If they continue to follow me screaming something, I calmly say "I can't understand you right now." 

It sounds like with your DS it happens during transitions?  I would just allow him time to calm down, and try to remain calm yourself.  Model the behavior you would like to see from your child. 

Ya Never Know

When DD starting having epic tantrums around the same age, I tried everything to get them to stop, but the only thing that worked was ignoring them. Not to say that she doesn't still have tantrums now, but they are much shorter and much less severe now that she knows that she will get no attention for them.

laujam31

theresat858 said:

Why are you hitting a 20 month old?? Particularly for completely age appropriate behavior...he is just learning to regulate his emotions. For big tantrums, I either bear hug dd until she calms down or ignore her, depending on the type of tantrum and what it is about. We are also able to avoid a lot of them with the happiest toddler on the block techniques--aka empathy rather than violence.

Pretty sure that is her business.  

I'll be watching this thread.  DS is having the same issues, as well as throwing plates, cups and food off high chair tray during tantrums.

opp282009

My mom swatted me on my butt perfectly fine. But I choose ignore method.