Birthday parties. (update)

MirandaHobbes

This is sortof a dumb question. DS (1st grade, ASD, anxiety, etc)  has been invited to a bday party for a kid in his class. I know that DS hasn't liked this kid, and in fact the teacher had to separate the two as they used to sit near each other and DS has a habit of arguing with other strong-willed or vocal kids (so pretty much everyone). It appears the kid invited the whole class. I asked DS if he wanted to go (it's at the kid's house, with a bounce house in the yard) and he enthusiastically said yes. I asked him if he's friends with the kid and he was a little halting.. he was like, uh, yeah sortof. So I should take him, right, to encourage him to be buds with this kid? I've seen him really act up at other parties- crying when the cake doesn't come quick enough, arguing during  games. And I've seen him do just fine, too. I've only thus far taken him to kids parties where I've stuck around and I know the parents, but I don't know this one and it says "drop off your kid." Should I take a chance and just tell the Mom that she can text me if he is being awful? Part of me thinks it's a no-brainer that I should at least try, and part of me is like, meh, it's one party and DS has a history of not liking this kid so why set him up for failure...

Thoughts? Thanks!

UPDATE: So we went.. and thankfully the parents are the "with it" type so it was great. For example, even though it was a backyard "bounce house" type party, the kids were told to stay outside and play, so I didn't have to worry about him going through their house or being left out of play inside. I recognized several other parents there. They all got up to leave (saying to everyone "well, since this is a drop off party...") and after watching the scene for a half hour I felt comfortable leaving DS (a first!). I caught the Mom's attention and mentioned that DS had ASD and might have problems, she said no problem and took my number. As I was leaving another buddy of DS's with autism pulled up so that was a bonus too. The other ASD mom stayed for the whole party so that was an extra pair of eyes on him. I came back a half hour early in case things were going poorly- he was happily stuffing his face full of candy- but also exhausted and ready to go home so we left shortly thereafter.

<Insert giant sigh of relief> I'm so glad he was able to pull off an "NT" birthday party.

finsup

Tough one. 

For me, I am not at a place where I feel comfortable with the drop and go with a parent I'm not familiar with.  So that would be a no.

Second - Frankly, I hate the "bounce house in the back yard" party for a few reasons so I tend to avoid them if at all possible.  First - because friends and family tend to get invited to these and they can drag on forever.  Second - because despite planned activities, kids usually end up in the bedroom or play room playing with birthday kids toys and that brings up a whole different set of issues.  Where if the party is at a party place - they move those parties along quickly and you are in and out in 2 hours.

I'd skip this one, honestly.  If only given the fact that your son doesn't have a super history with birthday kid.  If it were the same set of circumstances, and birthday kid was someone your son got along with well 'd give it a try, but since that is not the case I'm in the no camp.

bumpuser511563

It sounds more stressful than fun.

MirandaHobbes

Dangit. All good points. On a whim I texted the Mom that we were a go before reading this. Oh well, in for a penny in for a pound. I will not drop and go, I'll have to be annoying and hang around and chat up the other adults. And I'm already the Mom who has no problem saying "well we've got to go, we've got X to get to" so I'll drag him out after an hour if it starts getting hectic.

funchicken

I always stay at the parties because of DD's peanut allergy. Most of the time the other parents appreciate having an extra adult around.

bumpuser511563

Well I am glad to hear you will make an appearance with your DS!

DS had Fair Day last month and his entire ASD class of 5 students went to the event. I told DH a week before the field trip, "what makes me think 4 adults are capable of taking care of my DS on a field trip, they are going to need help." I decided to volunteer and go and informed the teacher ahead of time. I was not the only parent there, there were 2 other moms there. One of the teacher's aide mentioned they were shocked that DS was in his best behavior.

We know how our kids are as moms.

Edited because I can't type or make sense today

MirandaHobbes

-auntie- said:

At least use the purchase of a gift as an exercise in Theory of Mind- see where your DS is in picking out something this other kid would like.

YES! He totally won on this. I asked him what the other kid would like if we went to his party and he said a Lego kit. DS hates lego kits but apparently they are all the rage with the NT's.

It was my lingering in the toy aisle in Target that caused me to impulsively RSVP yes... Score another for Target.