Joining the vent club

ReeceFamily

Ugh, guys.  Dealing with my failing marriage and my husband's deteriorating mental health is one of the most painful and stressful things I have ever done.  DH, I can tell, is struggling to come around, but I have this impression he is drowning in fear and hatred and anger and it is just too much for him to rise above.  I am the enemy (he is still very sweet with DD - I think she is probably the only thing keeping him going).  Every word, every e-mail, every door slam just oozes anger at me, probably at life in general.  I dread going home.  I dread asking him for anything.  I dread sitting in the car with him to go to counseling tomorrow.  I have lost my best friend.  I want to walk away, because I think it is the healthiest thing for me, and for Lily.  But I feel like I'm walking away from someone in their hour of need.  It's a really horrible situation to be in.  The other night I had heart pains and I was wishing it was a heart attack so I could go to the hospital and be taken care of for awhile.  At the same time, work has been crazy with deadlines, so I go home, make dinner, play with Lily and get her to bed, do the dishes, and then I get on my computer and work until I just can't stand it anymore.

I know I just have to keep moving ahead, but it's dark days here at our house.  I'm dreading the holidays.

Prayers and good thoughts are welcome.  

ambmama

Hugs to you mama. I can't imagine all you are going through. You need to do what's best for you and Lily! I have no advice because I don't know your whole situation, but you seem like a very patient person who has given everything she has. You seem to be a single mom dealing with the drama of a struggling husband with none of the support. I really hope you get a resolution soon - you should not be praying for heart attacks! Wish I could help!

court115

I'm so sorry you're in this situation. I'm sending you lots of love and prayers that things start to get better soon!

Jessie333

Big hugs. Sending T&P's.

OakTreeMommy

Hope the counselling session tomorrow helps some. Sorry your going through this it sounds so hard but like your doing the best you can. Thinking of you and hoping things improve soon

jobiann

I know you have been in this situation for quite a while now, are the counseling sessions helping at all or is his illness just too strong for him to battle?

From what I know of you on here, you are a very strong and intelligent person. You will do what is best for you and Lily. Try not to worry what others will say about you, you know you gave it your all, you know you tried to help him but it's getting to the point where it is going to affect Lily and you need to make a decision, even though it is surely a difficult one. 

Does your H talk about a separation at all? Does he understand or does he make you feel guilty for wanting to leave? Surely he has to admit things are not good.

We are all thinking about you and sending you prayers. And you know we are here for you....as much as internet strangers can be!  ((hugs))

bennikki

You are an amazing woman, wife, and mother.  I know you're starting marriage counseling, but are you seeing someone on your own?  When I was in college, and granted he wasn't my husband and we didn't have a child, I was in a relationship with a man dealing with major mental illness.  I remember feeling like I couldn't end things with him because, like you say, it was his "hour of need."  I started meeting with a counselor, and she really helped me put in perspective the whole situation.  I was able to end things while still remaining supportive of him without leading him to believe we would get back together.  I worked with his friends and family to keep them abreast to what was going on, so they could provide support that I couldn't give, such as taking him out for dinner, late night phone calls, and checking in.  It's not like there weren't a lot of tears, or it wasn't hard to do, but it was necessary and healthy for me because continuing the way things were wasn't working.

Your family is in my thoughts and prayers.

ohiodoxiemama08

I'm very sorry you have to deal with all of that, it seems like a lot for anyone.

Make sure you're taking time for you and praying things turn around for you and your family soon.

ReeceFamily

Thanks everyone. I must sound like a broken record .  Last night was better than I anticipated, he was in a calm mood - thank god because it kept me from having a breakdown.

@bennikki - Yes, I have a counselor.  She's actually the one who tipped me off that it sounded like it wasn't just relationship/marriage problems, that it sounded like he might be suffering from somethiing more than just run-of-the-mill depression and anxiety.  I so appreciate your story - I think that's where we are headed. I don't think in the long run the marriage counseling will help.  I just have to make the decision to leave at some point, and I think I'm almost there, but not quite.  I have teed up his parents and brought them in to what's going on, because he's cut off all his friends (except one), and he's going to need some outside support.

On the good news front, I'm going to Seattle to see my dad this weekend (with Lily), and I have a date night Sunday with my college girlfriends.  We're going to sit on my friend's waterfront patio and drink wine.  Can't wait to see them.

tobrieornottobrie

That's so difficult, I'm sorry to hear that you are having such a tough time. Are you and your husband doing any sort of counseling together as a couple? I really hope that things start to get better and I will be praying for you and your family. 

 

                ~ the brie's cheese knees ~ 

tobrieornottobrie

That's so difficult, I'm sorry to hear that you are having such a tough time. Are you and your husband doing any sort of counseling together as a couple? I really hope that things start to get better and I will be praying for you and your family. 

 

                ~ the brie's cheese knees ~ 

ReeceFamily

@tobrieornottobrie - yeah, we've started marriage counseling.  I've been reading, though, that marriage counseling can have low success rates when one (or both) partners have certain mental health challenges (especially personality disorders, which I suspect that DH may have to some degree). So I'm not feeling all that hopeful.

jobiann

ReeceFamily said:

On the good news front, I'm going to Seattle to see my dad this weekend (with Lily), and I have a date night Sunday with my college girlfriends.  We're going to sit on my friend's waterfront patio and drink wine.  Can't wait to see them.

Good, glad to hear you have an opportunity to get away for a bit and enjoy some you time. That is important! 

Maybe your H can take the time to process where he wants the relationship to go...however I know with some personality disorders that is impossible. My sister was in a relationship with a guy who has asperger syndrome. They were only dating but tried several kinds of professional and faith based counseling. My sister was very patient but they couldn't make it work.

tobrieornottobrie

Well I'll definitely be praying for you! Blessings. 

         ~ the brie's cheese knees ~ 

DCKate

Ugh, I'm so sorry lady. Sending a big internet hug to you through all of this!