References - what are they asked?

beachybride10

Im working on coming up with references right now. We need 5.

Does anyone know what type of questions they are asked?

I have a close friend that I talk with all day every day via gchat and text, but she's never met my husband.

I have another close friend who I haven't seen in 4 years. She has kids I haven't met.

I keep going through pros and cons of each person.

This would be easier if they only needed 3-4.

What were your references asked?

lorifromwi

My DH and I each had to come up with our own references, so 10 in all!  They asked about how we grew up, how we handle stress, if they think we will be good parents and why.  Really from what my references shared with me, it sounded pretty straight-forward.

If you really want your friend as a ref, talk to your agency and see if it's okay.  They may just ask you to have another ref for your DH.

nlscroggins

ours were asked how long they have known us, if they have ever seen us around children and how we act in settings with children, how we cope with stressful situations (loss, grief, separation, etc.), best and worst qualities, would they trust us with their children (if applicable), and if they think there is any reason we weren't capable of being parents. 

some of the references (we had to have 6 total: 2 family members and 4 non family members) knew one of us way better than the other, so they didn't hesitate to kind of ask us for advice. one of my best girl friends had no idea what DH's "worst quality" was (it wasn't worded like that- it was more like what are their best qualities and what do they need to work on) so she had to kind of make it up a little bit. 

don't stress too much about who to choose- most everyone you choose will be honored to be chosen and to be a part of the process. they will no doubt rave about how wonderful you and your husband are, and it'll all be fine! remember, your references (and your home study worker) are all on your side and want you to succeed! 

Dr.Loretta

Both of your references sound fine. We chose one reference who only/primarily knew me, one who only/primarily knew DH, one who knew both of us, someone who could speak to our professional demeanor, etc.

I don't recall the exact questions, but it was things like how long they'd known us, how they would describe us as people, what we were like around kids if they had seen us with them, and would they recommend us to be adoptive parents.

Wish Upon A Star

We did 6 references in all. We chose 2 that knew my husband for a long time. 2 that have known me for a long time and 2 that knew us both.

They were never contacted personally, instead all of our references were asked to write a letter of recommendation answering the following questions:

1.        How long have you known the applicants and in what capacity – number of years

2.       How well do you feel you know the applicants?  Is he/she of good character?

3.       Breifly describe the applicants’ strengths and weaknesses

4.       How would you describe the applicants’ personalities?

5.       Do you feel the applicants would be able to provide a good home for an adopted child?

6.       Please describe what you have observed as their experience with children and experience in caretaking others.

7.       If you were responsible for a child’s future, would you want this applicant to be his/her adoptive parent?  Why or why not?

8.       Do you have any reservations about recommending this family/person for adoption?

9.       List any further comments you might have: 

beachybride10

Thank you all so much for responding. I appreciate it. I feel like every step of this process brings new questions.

I feel more confident about my references now. Now I just need to ask them.

orangecupcake

nlscroggins said:

ours were asked how long they have known us, if they have ever seen us around children and how we act in settings with children, how we cope with stressful situations (loss, grief, separation, etc.), best and worst qualities, would they trust us with their children (if applicable), and if they think there is any reason we weren't capable of being parents.

This is basically what ours were asked too. We needed to give four references, they needed responses from three.