How did you feel after birth?

JNCPro3130

I'm a FTM to be and planning a natural birth. At work one day, I overhead some ladies talking about common practices at hospitals. One lady is pregnant with her third baby. She was side-eyeing hospitals keeping babies in the room with new moms rather than taking the baby to the nursery. She also was against skin to skin right after birth. She said that she was so exhausted from delivery that she didn't mind having the baby taken to the nursery so she could rest. She had the mindset that she will be with the baby forever, so she didn't mind having some extra rest time in the hospital, especially since babies have crazy sleep patterns at first.

After my delivery, I am planning on skin to skin, delayed cord cutting, and trying to breastfeed as soon as the baby is ready. Am I naive to think I will be up for all of this? Please don't misunderstand... I'm not judging her or anyone else for what works for them. I'm just curious about how realistic I'm being. Thanks!

Everyusernameistaken

The hospitals where I live have "baby friendly" / "breastfeeding friendly" designations so the nursery is not an option and skin to skin, delayed cord clamping, and immediate bfing are all really supported and encouraged.

Even if the nursery was an option though there is no way I would have chosen to be apart from my babies at that point. I had a 46 hour (medicated) birth with my 1st and a 12 hour (unmedicated) birth with my 2nd and of course I was exhausted after both but all I wanted to do was snuggle my baby....and eat a sandwich .

marriedinaugust

I was exhausted (especially after 2hrs of pushing!) but there is no way I would have let go of him. I had to be stitched up too but they left him on me while they did it. We got 2 hours of bonding time before they took measurements or did anything. They were supposed to do the testing in our room but the new nurse on shift said that's not how she does it so DH went with him for the 10 minutes he was gone. We checked out 12hrs after birth and he was in our arms the entire time. I let DH nap while I cuddled DS until they released us.

natalyaisamommy

I was in labor for 4 hours and required some stitching. My husband and I talked about me getting vaginal rejuvenation surgery. He is afraid sex wont be the same and I don't want to feel any less from my husband because I had a child.

Everyusernameistaken

natalyaisamommy said:

I was in labor for 4 hours and required some stitching. My husband and I talked about me getting vaginal rejuvenation surgery. He is afraid sex wont be the same and I don't want to feel any less from my husband because I had a child.

Did you read the OP?

JNCPro3130

Thank you, ladies!  I think I will be in the same boat as you.  I will, of course, be exhausted, but I want my baby with me as much as possible.  If the baby needs to leave, I want myself or DH to be there too.  Thank you for responding.

JNCPro3130

@danisgossipgirl‌ , I'm so sorry! I really don't want to sound like I'm judging. I'm trying to get perspective and make sure any birth plan I have is reasonable. I know FTMs can get... Overexcited and plan too much. I don't want to be unrealistic and then feel disappointed that I couldn't do something in my plan. I thought asking other moms what their experience was like would help me see what I MIGHT be able to do. Again, I'm sorry to offend you!

Everyusernameistaken

danisgossipgirl said:

@Jncpro3130 No worries, I'm not at all offended. I'm just saying it doesn't take a far stretch of my imagination going into this for the third time to see why it'd be appealing to catch up on rest while one had the chance. It wasn't the OP that rubbed me the wrong way.

I don't see anyone judging people who send baby to the nursery or saying that they don't understand why others would do so. OP asked for personal experiences and opinions and people wrote what THEY felt and chose to do. I often see judginess on this board but I'm having a hard time seeing it in this thread.

starfishlovesyou

I was pretty exhausted, but I still wanted my baby with me for the first couple hours. I'd been told that the first two hours are super important for Mom and baby bonding and I wanted that for us. That being said, I couldn't sleep well with the baby in the room because I kept listening for him to wake up. So after that first few hours, we sent the baby to the nursery, and got a few good solid hours of sleep. I felt so much better for it, and so did my husband. I plan on doing the same thing this time around.

     Long story short, do what you feel you need to do to be the best Mom you can be. If that means you need a baby free rest, do it. If you don't, that's great, too. Either way, you are still a good Momma.

jennypolkadots

natalyaisamommy said:

I was in labor for 4 hours and required some stitching. My husband and I talked about me getting vaginal rejuvenation surgery. He is afraid sex wont be the same and I don't want to feel any less from my husband because I had a child.

I think this is the most off topic random response I have ever read on TB. It's the equivalent of someone asking "how's the weather" and responding "I had spaghetti last night".  )

mandi195

jennypolkadots said:

natalyaisamommy said:

I was in labor for 4 hours and required some stitching. My husband and I talked about me getting vaginal rejuvenation surgery. He is afraid sex wont be the same and I don't want to feel any less from my husband because I had a child.

I think this is the most off topic random response I have ever read on TB. It's the equivalent of someone asking "how's the weather" and responding "I had spaghetti last night".  )

Agreed... also, maybe UO but the farthest thing from my mind after birth will be whether or not my vagina will feel the same for my husband post-baby... It's a vagina, he'll enjoy it just fine, trust me lol

painttheair14

I was falling asleep between contractions during labor, but once my son was born I got a second wind of energy!

I could not imagine my baby leaving my side at all after birth (one of my big reasons to have a home birth). The only time I was away from him was during my shower and even then he was with my husband. All measurements and tests were done at the foot of our bed.:)

JNCPro3130

Thank you all for your perspectives! I think I'll have to wait to see how I feel to decide. I've already gotten chuckles and "just wait" type responses from people when talking about pregnancy and baby related things (ie on going natural or breastfeeding). I really appreciate your responses!

sschwege

My hospital does not have a nursery, so that was not an option, but had it been available, I would have sent LO there at night and just asked them to alert me when they needed to nurse.  With my first, DD was born at 10:00 pm, so I ended up spending two nights in the hospital.  In those two nights I slept a total of 3-4 hours and that wasn't even cumulative!  So after being in labor for 16.5 hours, pushing for an additional hour, and having two second degree tears I was exhausted and hurting and still couldn't sleep or recover.  I was so nervous, I jumped at every sound, or lack of sound, DD was up a lot, I know I would have slept better if I knew the nurses were watching over her. 

With DS he had breathing trouble and so he spent the first day and a half in the special care nursery, down the hall from me.  It was hard, really hard to have him in there, but I remember telling my SIL that my job was to pump every 2-3 hours and rest so I could take care of him the best I could when he was released.  So that's what I did, for two nights I slept relatively well, the first night I had to wake up and pump, and the second night I had to go to the nursery to feed him, but I actually had some restful, restorative sleep.  I felt a million times better leaving the hospital with DS than I did leaving with DD and I credit that in large part to not having DS rooming in with us.

So, yes, if our hospital had a nursery I would use it at night.  But to answer your question, I think wanting immediate skin-to-skin and BFing is totally doable, you will have a burst of energy when your LO is born and want nothing more than to have your baby close.  My advice is to ask for pain relievers as soon as your LO is born (Advil or Tyl).  For whatever reason my nurse/mw did not offer me anything, I was in so much pain from where I tore that a couple of hours after DD was born I didn't even want to hold her.  It was my MIL who suggested I asked for something, it hadn't even occurred to me!  The second time around I asked my mother and DH to remind to ask for something after DS was born.  My mom reminded me soon after, and I felt a lot better. 

MrsP7309

I had a fast labor. I woke up just before 3 AM and DD was born just after 8 AM. Adrenalin is no joke, it kept me going until 10 PM! I wanted DD near me all day. However, once night rolled around, the nursery was really appealing. Like many of the other posters, I couldn't sleep when she was in the room. I sent her to the nursery, and the nurses brought her to me every 2 hours for breastfeeding. So in my experience: nursery right away - no. Nursery at night so you can sleep and recover - yes.

soulcupcake

I felt pretty good after the births of my babies. I had the typical "birth high" after my unmedicated birth at the hospital. I still had loads of energy. For my hospital births, my babies roomed in with me. I slept when they slept.

My youngest was a planned homebirth, and I didn't really experience labor, so much of the after birth was just processing what happened and recovering from the shock of his unexpected and abrupt birth, the newborn exam, showering and then getting comfortable and relaxing before falling asleep. My girls were at my mom's house. They were supposed to be present for the birth, but he arrived very late in the evening when my girls were already asleep. My mom brought them over the following afternoon to meet him.

catsinawindow

I felt like absolute crap after my son's birth.  It was a LONG induction due to PreE, I was on all sorts of horrible meds, pushed for more than 3 hours, and lost a lot of blood during a post-partum hemorrhage.  Still, I wanted my DS with me.  We weren't able to do immediate skin-to-skin because he was a forceps birth and had to be immediately evaluated by a pediatrician.  This haunts me to this day.  It hurt SO MUCH to have him across the room crying and I wasn't able to hold him.  He stayed in my room through our whole hospital stay.  I had a really visceral protective instinct towards him and didn't want him to leave my side.  I could have never sent him to the nursery, I think it would have given me a panic attack.

I felt great after my daughter's birth.  She was a fast, un-complicated, un-medicated birth.  With my daughter we did immediate skin-to-skin and she stayed on me for the first hour+.  It was seriously magical.  It makes me so happy to think about those first moments together, and, somehow, her birth makes the memory of my son's birth hurt less.  My DD was delivered at a free-standing birth center so we went home that night (ie. no chance for a nursery).  I don't think I would have used it if it were an option.

I don't judge any other moms for their choices, but for me, immediate skin-to-skin and rooming in were absolutely the better situation.

jennypolkadots

JNCPro3130 said:

Thank you all for your perspectives! I think I'll have to wait to see how I feel to decide. I've already gotten chuckles and "just wait" type responses from people when talking about pregnancy and baby related things (ie on going natural or breastfeeding). I really appreciate your responses!

The best advice I can give you is seek out a supportive birth team. No one knows better than you do on what will work for you and your child. Mothers have been caring for their infants immediately after birth for all of history, so it is not at all unreasonable to think that a mother could have a natural birth, breastfeed, and care for her baby after giving birth. Some people have more difficult births and want to make you believe that you will, too. It's not realistic and they don't know, so do not listen to anyone who is not supportive of the choices you and your husband make. We are having an out of hospital birth and although I may very well be tired, one of the biggest reasons we chose that is so we can be home just hours after the birth and get to use that time to fully bond with the new member of our family. I'm very lucky to have a husband who is super involved and looking forward to parenting, so I won't be doing this alone. If he weren't how he is, I would plan for additional help.

I would strongly suggest getting a doula if the things you talked about are important to you. A doula will help you make the best birth choices, advocate for your care team to honor your birth plan, and provide support during your labor. If you don't advocate for your choices (like delayed cord clamping, etc.) then you will end up with whatever the typical hospital protocol is. Many doulas will also provide post-natal support to just come to your home and help with whatever you need after the birth. If the cost is a consideration, many will adjust fees based on circumstances or you may get a doula in training for free. 

stephl3055

My labor was somewhat quick (11 hours from when I got pitocin to birth) and I only pushed for 45 minutes.  I could've climbed a freaking mountain after I had her due to the labor high.  Too bad they insisted I take the wheelchair to my recovery room    

We did skin to skin, I tried to nurse, and she stayed with me the entire time.  The one thing that I wasn't expecting was the shakes a little while after giving birth.  My hands wouldn't stop shaking for a while (it had been about 24 hours since I'd eaten, too) and I wasn't comfortable holding her for about 30 minutes because I thought I would drop her.  So DH held her for a portion of that time, they did her newborn exam, and I got a bite to eat.  

JCWhitey

And this is why God gave us hormones (I love the term labor high!).  I was exhausted after the delivery but my hormones and instincts kicked in and there was no way that baby was going anywhere!  I spent a good two hours with him, cuddling and nursing and just looking at him, before I felt so exhausted I wanted to sleep, and then I just handed him to my mom and DH and took a nap.  But definitely at first I didn't even want to blink and miss any time with him.  Having him sleep in the room with me was also NBD.  I never felt the need to have him taken away in order to get rest, in fact I feel like if I had I wouldn't have slept because I would have been worrying.

Physically I kind of felt like I'd been hit by a truck until I had the idea to go take a hot shower.  That was lovely and I felt great after!  I think my muscles had all tensed up during labor and I just needed to relax to feel better.

jenn43

I had a natural birth, with a pretty short labor (6 hours of real labor, after a couple days of off-and-on contractions).  I also wanted to do delayed cord-clamping, skin-to-skin, and breastfeed immediately.  Our hospital has a "golden hour" policy where they minimize interventions so you can bond with baby, so that worked out wonderfully.  Those first snuggles were the best thing in the world!  I was tired, but that labor high kept me going for several more hours.  And LO roomed with us the entire stay, except for one night under the bili lights in the nursery.  I didn't like having him away from me, but I was pretty exhausted by that time (our third night in the hospital).  I think your plan sounds totally reasonable and doable.

jlovesky

The intense part of my labor did not feel like it was overly long but it was in the middle of the night so I know I was lacking on sleep. As other posters have said, I feel like once he arrived, I was awake and ready to do the things you have mentioned like skin to skin, bf-ing, etc. We did choose to send him to the nursery a couple times (usually only an hour or 2 at a time) and that was only for me to get sleep as I worried I would focus too much on him if he was right next to me.

Definitely whatever you feel works best for you, I'm sure things will work out great whatever you decide to do!

emwithpeanuts

I had a natural high after each one of my births! I know my body was physically tired but I couldn't sleep, I just wanted to stare at my babies. I breast fed them all right away and had skin to skin. With my first I was 16 and wanted my baby with me and not in the nursery. I also wanted bf right away. The Drs and nurses a thought I should rest and let the baby be in the nursery but I was adamant about keeping her. I wouldn't have had it any other way!

RMama2012

I planned for skin to skin and immediate breastfeeding but as it turns out, my baby was not crying and seemed to have a bit of mucous in his throat.  They had to inspect him and try to clear it out which they did right next to me.  I do feel bad about missing the initial skin to skin and immediate nursing but I would much rather have had the pediatrician and nurses called to make sure everything was OK.<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

 

I had the baby room with me and all but when they took him to the nursery to check him and whatnot, I didn’t really question it.  I guess in perspective, I could have had DH go with him but I didn’t think of it.  I had a second wind and my friends and family who visited right away said I was extremely alert/energetic but as a FTM, it’s hard to remember everything in the moment.

 

The hospital where my sister delivered doesn’t normally allow the baby in the room while visitors are present.  It’s their way of ensuring lots of dirty hands aren’t touching a 8 hr old baby.  I’m not crazy about this rule  but it does make a lot of sense.

yvanehtnioj

I was very out of it and not comfortable holding the baby at first. He had meconium so he ended up being placed on my chest for a second and then given to the NICU team that had come in. They were doing stuff to him and I sent DH over to watch. Then he brought him over and was holding him while I watched the two of them. I was being stitched up and did not feel physically able to hold the baby yet so that felt OK at the time. It was awhile (I have no idea, but maybe 15 minutes?) before I really got him. At that point I had lost enough blood & was on enough painkillers (given after birth) that I don't remember doing much except staring at him in amazement. He was so perfect, I couldn't even believe it.

Kaelynn91

Our hospital does not allow the baby to go to the nursery unless it is undergoing some testing of some sort. Our daughter stayed in the room with us the entire time. She never left our side. After labor you are exhausted, but so is the baby. You will both get to sleep. She will wake up a few times, but that is simply because it is time to eat. If you are breastfeeding you would have to get her then anyway.