Second shower(read before wanting to kill me!);)

Samuelismomma

I have ds 2 1/2 . I never had a shower with him and didn't plan on having one with this pregnancy . I made the kids we will support them:) my H has Hispanic coworkers and some elderly ladies from our church that have approached my H about shower. He and my sister got together and planned a small one for about 30 people. The list is actually most of the women asking. I'm afraid I will be side eyed or gift grabby. Should i have said no? Do I go through with it and make sure my sister says no gifts necessary? The ladies know I have had 3 losses and they said they wanted to celebrate the successful pregnancy. I would of done sip and see....but sister has ordered a lot of things plus the church fellowship hall...what would you ladies do?

Samuelismomma

Well DH didn't know etiquette here he isn't from this country. He told my sister and she thought it would be nice since people were asking. She also felt bad she didn't do one before. I would of declined if it hadn't already been so planned out:( I didn't know until yesterday. The coworkers and church ladies assumed we were having one..

Samuelismomma

My H didn't plan the shower he went to my sister and ask what they were and told my sister women were asking him. He isn't gift grabby where he comes from men support the family. He thought this whole custom gift grabby..lol We never had one so he didn't know. I will talk to my sister. Since this baby will most likely be preemie like my first not sure when to arrange sip n see...I'll try to do something...

Amstreagle

Sorry but there is no excuse for a second shower.
A shower welcomes a woman to motherhood and you are already a mother. I would definitely side eye it. If I were you I would politely decline and bring the attention back to a meet the baby party.
I am very sorry for your previous losses.
ETA: 30 people is a small shower?

Samuelismomma

30 were invited not attending.. A lot of the arrangements were made before I knew. The women invited were the ones asking when we're having it. Maybe common in their circles the ladies from church and are like 80's so maybe in there day.. Thanks for responses ...

Samuelismomma

Well it worked out ladies at church today approached me and said they were glad my sister did it they were gonna get with her and do a celebration of life party( celebrate baby after my losses) . I was open at church about it obviously for support. So big relief no side eyeing , making anyone uncomfortable. Technically not a second shower never had first. My H and I bought everything, but I'm glad how everyone is involving this into a get together and not really a shower. Thank you ladies for your honest responses...appreciate it . I was so upset but worked out!

neverblushed

I'm also very "anti-" second shower.  However, I think there are a few isolated situations in which you have to suck it up and graciously accept a shower, even if it is a second one.  Examples are as follows:

--someone throws one as a surprise and you were unaware it was happening.

--it's the father's first child, and the guest list is drawn from his side of the family.

--someone insists on hosting a second shower, and you feel that refusing would create extreme family drama.  (Ex: MIL insists on throwing it so she can invite her friends because she's been to all their daughters' second baby showers and darn it, it's her turn now.  Saying 'no' will cause unnecessary friction with MIL.)

--it's the tradition in your church, book club, workplace, whatever, that EVERY expectant parent has a small celebration every time -- to refuse would complicate matters.

In this case, you're sort of dealing with a combination of the last two situations.  To back out now may cause more offense than to go through with it.  It's not the end of the world to have to sit through your own second shower, even if it makes you uncomfortable.  Say nothing about gifts.  Be extremely grateful and gracious, and make it clear that you will refuse any and all showers, should there be a 3rd child in your family!

Samuelismomma

@neverblushed‌ thanks for your response , exactly what happened! Your right I will be gracious and say never again!;)

Samuelismomma

@neverblushed‌ thanks for your response , exactly what happened! Your right I will be gracious and say never again!;)

purplebee15

FTM here - where do all of these rules come from? Is there a book or some other overview?  I don't want to screw things up as badly as some of the people I see posting on here with clearly rude stories!!!

jennypolkadots

Agree with pretty much everyone else.

I have to know, what is the relevance that his coworkers are Hispanic???

Samuelismomma

@jennypolkadots‌ just explaining different cultures maybe feel different about subsequent births than here in the states..they told my H they celebrate each birth in some way...my H is not american either.

jennypolkadots

Oh, gotcha. I wasn't trying to read into it it just seemed odd to mention the words elderly and hispanic unless it was somehow relevant.