I Can't Stop Obsessively Checking for Issues

Jast123

Hi, I'm a first-time mom, apologies for the length of this, but I am having some difficulty adjusting to my new life with my beautiful son. My pregnancy, aside from terrible hyperemesis in the first 4 months that required Zofran, was totally ordinary. My boy was born right on his due date, super quick unmedicated labor/delivery, high Agpar score, focused on faces right from birth (everyone said he was very alert). The only problem was that he wanted to breastfeed constantly and didn't want to sleep. The LC in the hospital said she suspected tongue-tie. 4 days later my nipples were bleeding badly and I was horribly engorged because he would chew on me. I decided to pump exclusively from that point on. I don't know if perhaps that first experience triggered something in me but ever since I can't stop googling and checking to see if my son is "normal". 

He is 6 weeks and 3 days old today- gaining weight from the breastmilk (he's gone from 7 lbs 5 oz at birth to 11 lbs 8 oz at 6 weeks, and gained almost 4 inches of height), smiling 5-6 times a day, cooing, and can pretty much hold his head up when I carry him upright against my chest. Our only "real" issue is feeding - he eats 4-5 oz every 2 hours or so, except for one 3 hour stretch in the evening. When he eats, he chokes/sputters/spits up a little, arches his back so hard he knocks the bottle away, cries for the bottle again, gets two gulps in and then repeat. His tummy also gets hard, he gets hiccups after, and he scrunches up his legs. Getting him back to sleep after a feeding is really tough. He sleeps swaddled upright in the rock-n-play next to my bed, and I can't get him to transition to his bassinet. He will absolutely not sleep on his back or even his side- he starts crying, pulling his legs ups, flailing. Even upright he strains, grunts, turns red and wakes himself up all night long. I have eliminated things from my diet, used gripe water, do a belly massage, switched to 4 different bottle types, and I try to hold him upright more.

We are getting his tongue-tie fixed in 3 weeks, and I know logically that it's likely just silent reflux and/or bad gas. But I can't stop myself from obsessively googling and spending all my time analyzing/re-analyzing his every move. If he stares off into space for several minutes or won't make eye contact with me, I can't sleep at night because I keep thinking he has developmental delays. He's not mimicking yet (aside from the smile), so I spent about 4 hours today looking up infant autism symptoms. He got two vaccines 2 days ago and was crying/upset a few hours later and I immediately started reading about vaccine damage and even started to cry because I convinced myself that he was regressing in his skills. He didn't grasp the rattle I put into his hand, and I started to panic that he's not meeting his 2 month milestones. I have thrush on my nipples and I obsessively read about Nystatin because I thought it would cause a yeast overgrowth in his little body and damage him forever. I even watched Youtube videos of other babies in the 6-8 week age range to see if my son was normal. I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel absolutely exhausted by all of my behaviors but can't shut off my brain.  I'm scared to bring this up with my midwife because she'll think I've lost my mind. Has anybody gone through this? Any advice?

littlemissmarla

Ok, first off - I really think you need to take a minute and calm down (i'm not saying this to be nasty more concerned). From everything you've posted, it does seem like it could be reflux.. or possibly an allergy? Have you tried eliminating things from your breast milk to see if/how it affects him? It's hard to say about hitting milestones because every baby is different, he is still so little and you might be so focused on what he's NOT doing that your missing out on what he IS doing. I would really recommend speaking with your midwife because it sounds like you have severe anxiety and could it be PPD? No first hand experience but that is why it's so important to relay these feelings to your healthcare provider.. they shouldn't judge you or think that you've lost your mind. Do you have anyone else you could talk to about these feelings? 

Everyusernameistaken

Several of my friends suffered from post partum anxiety and it started as obsessive worry about their babies. I mean we all worry but if it's at a point where it's affecting your life or enjoyment of baby it may be time to get help. For example one friend couldn't sleep she was so worried about what would happen to her baby if there was an earthquake when LO was at daycare.
Please don't be afraid to ask your MW...I've seen from my friends with PPA,the sooner it's dealt with the better. And if it's nothing at least you've looked into it.
Good luck!!

MrsLaLaBug

Sounds like you absolutely have PPA or PPOCD. I would contact your dr and tell them all of the scenarios you just described. It's very common and can be treated! Good luck!

Ahlome08

I think everyone pretty much covered the fact that you need to talk to your dr about PPA/PPD, and I'm going to add that vaccines, besides a mild fever, do not cause any harm to your baby as they are not live viruses. They do not cause regression or autism--that theory, started by Sarah McLaughlin, was disproved more than 5 years ago.

Everyusernameistaken

Ahlome08 said:

I think everyone pretty much covered the fact that you need to talk to your dr about PPA/PPD, and I'm going to add that vaccines, besides a mild fever, do not cause any harm to your baby as they are not live viruses. They do not cause regression or autism--that theory, started by Sarah McLaughlin, was disproved more than 5 years ago.

Do you mean Jenny McCarthy?

Ahlome08

Everyusernameistaken said:

Ahlome08 said:

I think everyone pretty much covered the fact that you need to talk to your dr about PPA/PPD, and I'm going to add that vaccines, besides a mild fever, do not cause any harm to your baby as they are not live viruses. They do not cause regression or autism--that theory, started by Sarah McLaughlin, was disproved more than 5 years ago.

Do you mean Jenny McCarthy?

Yeah, oops, lol sleepiness seems to get the best of me...at least that's what I'm going with

glitterclaws

I would also say that you should talk to the pedi about the reflux, ASAP.  That could be one thing that with the right tools, could be fixed very easily and quickly.  And then you'd have one less thing to worry about.