Parental preference

Guennie

Would love some feedback if anyone has some tips! Our almost 11 month old is in the separation anxiety phase and recently she has begun to prefer me over my husband. She doesn't want him to give her a bottle at night anymore and she gets really upset if I hand her over to him. I know this is a normal phase and it's probably a little worse since I'm a SAHM and she's used to being with me so much, but I can see it's making my husband feel bad. Anyone who's already been through this, how did you help your husband feel better about it and was there anything you did that helped make things easier during this phase?

Cherryblossoms07

I went through this with both of my kids.  It is completely normal.  I would have them spend more daddy/daughter time together without you.  She might cry at first when you leave, but she should adjust quickly after you leave.  Good luck!

jlpev

Cherryblossoms07 said:

I went through this with both of my kids.  It is completely normal.  I would have them spend more daddy/daughter time together without you.  She might cry at first when you leave, but she should adjust quickly after you leave.  Good luck!

This!

Ilumine

I had this problem.  I did a couple of things.  One, more one on one time with Daddy. 

But I also started having her do more and more things where she had to not be with me; Library Story time where she sat upfront and I was in the back, gymnastics/dance class where I was in the room, but not helping, then class where I was not in sight but still in the building, etc. 

Then I babysat shared with some friends.  We would meet at the local park or in someone's home and the kids would have a cool activity and one of us would leave/shop for 15 min...then switch out.  We would extend the time by 5 min increments. 

Heck the first couple of weeks, I just took my coffee out to my car and read a book for those 15 minutes.  

Of course, I was stationed overseas at the time, so it was easier for us to do that (small community).  But if you could find just one friend who will work with you...

Guennie

Thanks everyone. We are in kind of a difficult position right now because it's a very busy time of year for my husband at work. He really isn't home much so there is no opportunity to have him spend more time with her. Nights have always been their time.

I found an article to share with him about this being a normal stage of development, I think it helped a little. I told him my turn is coming and someday she'll go through a phase where she wants him instead of me. That made him feel a little better too.

We relocated to a new state this year and I really haven't had the opportunity to get out and establish a new group of friends. So that's another hurdle unfortunately. I do have a neighbor I've become friends with but she has a lot of her own challenges right now so trying to babysit share with her isn't an option. I'm hoping it will be in the future however.

MollyC20

Maybe talk about daddy more? Let him be the one who let LO have dessert, got him/her a new toy, etc.. My daughter did this, and I made sure to do things like this (basically make him the fun parent) until she got used to him again...

Ilumine

Well, then this is actually the BEST time for you to work on it. 

Go and find any and all Mommy and Me classes you can find.  MOPS, MOMS clubs, Meetup.com, Library times, many hospitals offer classes, the Y, churches, etc.  

I met a number of friends by going to a Bounce House activity place on a regular basis.  I was not the only mom there, who regularly scheduled activities.  

And once you are out with other adults, who will interact with your child even in the simplest of ways, like handing off a toy, your daughter will open up.  

Guennie

I've definitely been thinking about trying to find some groups in the area. Even if we only did something a couple times a week I know the socialization would be good for both of us. She loves to interact with other people when we go shopping. I'm going to start searching and see what I turn up. Thanks.

Guennie

MollyC20 said:

Maybe talk about daddy more? Let him be the one who let LO have dessert, got him/her a new toy, etc.. My daughter did this, and I made sure to do things like this (basically make him the fun parent) until she got used to him again...

We don't do "dessert" yet and my husband is hardly ever around for any of her mealtimes anyway. We talk about daddy all the time. I put him on speakerphone too whenever he calls, she loves that. She really isn't uneasy with him, she just doesn't want him to do her nighttime rituals anymore, she wants mommy. And if she's upset she wants mommy. I'm her security right now. I know this is normal so I'm not concerned, I just wanted to help make it easier for him. He really didn't see it coming.

MesmrEwe

If night is the only time he's available to spend time with her, then you need to disappear and find something else to do during that time so they are "forced" into that time together (even if it's working in a different part of the house by yourself). I get what it's like with a DH who works INSANE hours and worse during certain parts of the year, but for your own sake you also need to break away and have that time without LO for your own health too. Yes, reinforce that it's a normal phase that will happen several times in the next few years, but you've also got to reinforce that when Dad's there he's in charge too. 

Guennie

MesmrEwe said:

If night is the only time he's available to spend time with her, then you need to disappear and find something else to do during that time so they are "forced" into that time together (even if it's working in a different part of the house by yourself). I get what it's like with a DH who works INSANE hours and worse during certain parts of the year, but for your own sake you also need to break away and have that time without LO for your own health too. Yes, reinforce that it's a normal phase that will happen several times in the next few years, but you've also got to reinforce that when Dad's there he's in charge too. 

Yes!! I've been trying to do this for the reasons you stated. I feel like a single parent most of the time and it's exhausting!