~ Loss Check-In 10/17 ~

CherryPicked

Hi ladies, I hope you have been kind to yourselves this week.  

Welcome to the check-in! I am sorry to have to welcome new loss moms this week but am so glad that you have found us. I hope we can bring each other some much needed comfort and support. Please feel free to join in when you are ready and share as much or as little as you wish. Also, if you have any questions you would like answered, just ask! Any lurkers out there please don't be shy, we would like to be able to support you too. 

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? 

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? 

QOTW: What are your current struggles in your grief?  What would you like to share?

LyndseyTS

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? 
Well, I'm back...does that count? Trying to start living abundantly again. A daunting challenge, but I've made some goals and am working to reach them so that's something.
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? 
Get back on track with my business. Everything in it fell by the wayside during my pregnancy (it was not great from early on) and after we finally lost Serenity. I'm working on rebuilding it and working another job to try to save up money in the meantime. It seems overwhelming, but I figure if we can survive the loss of a child, we can do anything.
QOTW: What are your current struggles in your grief?  What would you like to share?
Trying to balance the new normal. Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't be happy or "moving on" (not forgetting, of course). I know I can't stay in a place of constant grief and I don't even feel like I want to be there (which makes me feel guilty in and of itself). It's like I'm being torn between intentionally remember Serenity and continuing to live life and try to look at all of the (positive) possibilities before me.

ikrystal

**ticker warning**

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? Nothing in particular.  We did light candles for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, and many of our friends and family did as well.  It was very touching. 

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? I really want to get into writing again.  I was writing letters to my boys, which slowly turned into blogging instead.  But I would really like to put together a book (whether or not I get it published is a different story).  I want the book to be mostly for me, so I don't forget anything about my experience. 

QOTW: What are your current struggles in your grief?  What would you like to share? I feel like people are starting to forget we have two boys, or that they expect us to be moving on by now.  I feel aggravated that no one wants to talk about them anymore.  I don't feel the need to talk about them 24/7, and for the most part I can really go most of the day without bringing them up (except to my husband).  But when I do, most people want nothing to do with it. It's sad and frustrating all at once. 

JenOSU

***older children warning

I am new to the board after the loss of Olivia Claire at 17 weeks. I delivered her on October 5, 2014.  We have experienced four early losses and have two LC as well.  We had made it more than twice as long as any previous losses, and we had become quite certain that Olivia was our rainbow.

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? 
This is all still pretty fresh and raw. I am trying all kinds of things to help the healing though.  I have scheduled appointments with a grief counselor for next week and the week after.  We participated in the Wave of Light.  Over the last two days I forced myself to reenter the world by attending my daughters' conferences, going to a community event for Halloween, and taking them to dance.  All were very hard, but I do think that doing some of the regular things in life might be a bit helpful.  I have written two letters to Olivia. The first one I wrote three days after she was born in the middle of the night when I couldn't sleep.  It seemed to be cathartic because from that night forward at least I am able to sleep more than a few hours a night. I wrote the second one last night because I had so many emotions building up again. I did feel some relief after writing that one too.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? Well attending the grief counselor appointments will hopefully allow me to meet a future goal of attending a support group. Right now I just feel too vulnerable and needy to participate in a group though.  Also, I am hoping to return to my daughter's bus stop for pick up. So far I am avoiding that because I don't want to face the parents who all know about our loss. I am hoping to achieve this goal soon though because I think it will be an important step toward being able to return to work in a few weeks.

QOTW: What are your current struggles in your grief?  What would you like to share?

I feel all of the typical grief emotions from day to day. I am jealous of other pregnant women and of moms with infants. At dance I ended up in a back corner crying with a friend who was there with her daughter because I saw a woman waving around her ultrasound pictures from her anatomy scan. I would have been doing that this week if we hadn't lost our baby instead. I feel anger that this has happened to us again and this time so far into pregnancy. We finally felt in the clear.  I feel like there's no way I'll ever start to feel "in the clear" again in a future pregnancy.  I worry for the emotional toll that will take. I am completely preoccupied with losing Olivia and my husband is seemingly ready to move forward with life.  I feel like a burden since I am not in that same place.  

CherryPicked

@LyndseyTS - Welcome back  It sounds like things are going well!  I'm glad you are now able to look forward to things, and that doesn't mean that you miss your baby girl any less.

@ikrystal - I love the idea of putting together a book to keep your memories alive.  I journaled during my pregnancy with Caroline and plan on reading that journal every year on her birthday.

@JenOSU - Welcome to the check-in, and I'm so sorry for the reason that you are here.  I'm glad that you've found a grief counselor and taken steps towards your healing.  Be gentle with yourself and let yourself feel what you need to.  We are all here for you if you need anything at all.  ((hugs))

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? 

I went to support group this week.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? 

I am finally getting one of Caroline's pictures professionally framed.  I can't wait to see it and put it up in our home.

QOTW: What are your current struggles in your grief?  What would you like to share? 

I have had more okay days lately than bad days, but it will all come to an end as I approach November 7th, the day that we went in for our anatomy scan and came out knowing that something was very wrong with our little girl.  It is hard to believe that we have been grieving for almost a year.  The worst of it has been since Caroline passed away, but first we grieved the dreams that we had for her life.  

LyndseyTS

@JenOSU Sorry you've had to join "the club" again but glad that you're taking good steps toward healing. Thinking of you.

ikrystal

**ticker warning**

LyndseyTS **hugs**  I can relate to so much of what you wrote

JenOSU I am so sorry for your loss. You will find a ton of support on this board, and if there is anything I can do, please let me know. 

kderoy thanks for posting the check in. I think its is wonderful you are getting her picture framed and up in your home.  I'll be thinking of you as November 7th approaches. 

jsshrt

This is my first loss. I am currently 14.1 weeks and find out yesterday that my baby has no heartbeat. He did died sometime between 10.3 and 10.5 weeks. I didn't know. I thought everything was fine. This is my third pregnancy. I have two beautiful girls. It was so hard telling them the news last night. We all cried. I am scared about ttc again. I am scared about going to work today. I feel as though I might lose it any minute. My D&C is tomorrow and I need to prepare for a substitute or I would just stay home.

butterscotchjbeans

I am about 12 weeks and my doctor told me to wait until the 4th month to be sure, since previously I lost one before week 8. And yes, it happened. Nothing but some pain and bed rest. 

Will try again but not now. 

lexusolsen

butterscotchjbeans said:

I am about 12 weeks and my doctor told me to wait until the 4th month to be sure, since previously I lost one before week 8. And yes, it happened. Nothing but some pain and bed rest. 

Will try again but not now. 

Wait until the fourth month for what?

butterscotchjbeans

lexusolsen said:

I am about 12 weeks and my doctor told me to wait until the 4th month to be sure, since previously I lost one before week 8. And yes, it happened. Nothing but some pain and bed rest. 

Will try again but not now. 

Wait until the fourth month for what?

My bad, I tend to think what I am writing and then cut off words. 

Fourth month to announce and start planning like a "normal" pregnancy. But previously we talked about nothing was sure until getting past the sixth month. 

Mixed feelings right now. We knew this could happen so we weren't shocked, but it is sad and hurts.