UO - Thursday Edition

foxslaw

Frappucchinos are disgusting. I feel like I'm well prepared for a toddler for how sticky they make me (when I'm making them).

jmcgra06

holachicaaa said:

I'm a FTM, so I haven't had breastfeeding experience yet, but I do plan to breastfeed and many of these comments make me sad.

Can I ask why so many people are uncomfortable with public breastfeeding?

My experience was honestly really great. I nursed DD for 14 months and only had one stranger make a comment. My parents were kind of weird about it at first but it's really no big deal. I never used a cover but would through a small blanket (about the size a bathroom hand towel) over my shoulder if I was around them and it was a non-issue. I have big boobs and nipples, but you have to be really rooting around to see anything. I had DD at 28 and had never seen anyone nurse IRL at that point, so it took me a few weeks to get comfortable with it. I soon realized that a screaming baby was more distracting/disturbing than a little side boob.

ordinary1

I guess my UO is I've never taken into account others comfort when nursing. If my baby is hungry I nurse where I'm comfortable.

mandamoochie

amack22 said:

I HATE the show Friends..that thread reminded me & now its on tvland at night

@amack22 I swear to all things holy I had EVERY intention of making this my UO today. I just got distracted and forgot lol

dacora

Just to throw my own two cents into the breastfeeding topic...

I totally respect women that breastfeed, enjoy breastfeeding, and definitely think it's something that needs support especially in public. There shouldn't even be a controversy about if a mother is or isn't allowed to feed her child in public.

But that being said I understand and sympathize with those that feel uncomfortable too. I don't think anyone so far has said that they think that NIP is *bad*, just that it makes them personally uncomfortable, and they realize that it is a personal thing. I feel the same way. I wish I didn't. Part of me is quite simply creeped out by the idea of breast feeding my daughter. I want to do what is best for her, and I will try to do it and see how I feel about it. But I'm struggling at the same time with my own mixed feelings about it.

I think a huge part of my own feelings about it are societal. The over-sexualization of the female body, etc. On top of that, my own issues with being very large chested and self-conscious about it. 

My little brother is three years younger than me, and was born at 27 weeks. I wasn't exposed to the act of breast feeding until I was in elementary school and one of the moms in my Girl Scout troop nursed her toddler. To me, I thought babies were always fed from bottles.

I should stop rambling now, but I just wanted to say that I sympathize and understand those ladies that are uncomfortable, because I'm one of them too.

Alygohome

Trin42 said:

There's nothing intimate about bottle feeding so why would breastfeeding be intimate?

I think why so many people have an issue with breastfeeding is that they can't disassociate the breast from sex. That's dumb and makes me mad. I'm not saying that's why all people don't like breastfeeding but I'd guess the majority.

I nursed for 15 months. No one ever said anything negative to me. My FIL would come over thinking DS was sleeping. Nope, nursing. I'd have to tell him he's nursing right now before he tried taking DS from me and exposing me! So, discreet nursing with 34FF breasts is totally do-able. I never used a cover either, just my clothes, a burp cloth or blanket.

Did my FIL and strangers see my nipple? Probably. Sometimes when DS was moving a lot it could be difficult to keep concealed. But I never flashed it. And it wasn't sexual so it wasn't a big deal.

We are raised in a culture where breasts are highly sexualized and some people have never witnessed breastfeeding. If you are raised believing something as a child it can be hard to disassociate it as an adult, I don't think its right, but I don't think its dumb. More like sad. Until the past couple years I have never seen someone breastfeed, never, so of course it can make some people uncomfortable, just like seeing anything new.

And I do think its intimate seeing a baby find the nipple for the first time, to me its not something I needed to see in a video at my birthing class--but if it helped other people then its good for them. I actually found the whole skin to skin aspect after birth intimate and uncomfortable for me to watch. If they were bottle feeding while being skin to skin I would still find it intimate to watch that.

I think part of the reason breastfeeding makes me feel squicky is the milk. First off, I don't drink any dairy products and the thought of cows milk makes me feel ill. I couldn't watch a cow being milked without probably getting super lightheaded, the thought of fatty warm liquid coming from someones body does gross me out. yup I know its not mature or rational, but everyone has irrational dislikes.

Also, I have heard to many stories about bloody nipples and clogged ducts and painful issues from friends who attempted it that the whole thing makes me uncomfortable. I am totally planning on trying, but I highly doubt I will breastfeed more than a few months. And I doubt even if I do breastfeed for a longer period  that I will ever feel comfortable watching someone do it or doing it in public. I will never convince you or anyone else on WHY it makes me uncomfortable, just like you will never be able to convince me that there is no reason that I should feel uncomfortable witnessing it. Thankfully we live somewhere that we get to choose how, why and where we feed our babies for ourselves and based on our comfort levels.

jennjilljo

holachicaaa said:

I'm a FTM, so I haven't had breastfeeding experience yet, but I do plan to breastfeed and many of these comments make me sad.

Can I ask why so many people are uncomfortable with public breastfeeding?

This stems to my personal experiences with BFing women. @WanderingA‌ and @Trin42‌ both mentioned that there are discreet ways to publicly BF and they are completely right. The nursing that makes me cringe (and have walked away from because it bothers me) are the women who take an entire breast out of their shirt and expose themselves in a way that would be illegal of they weren't BFing. I also hate when people post pictures of their child nursing online. I feel like it's a private and intimate moment between me and my child so I prefer not to but I don't expect others to do it my way. I'm just against pulling your boob out in the middle of an area that people can't just steer clear of. I know a lot of women who participate in nurse in's and post nursing selfies on fb though. I'm slowly deleting them all though because I hate when peele push things on me. I know it sounds like that's what I'm doing now but I don't expect others to do it my way or any way to appease me. I just do my best to ignore it.

crabigator

First off, I wanted to just commend everyone on keeping this conversation pretty civil, because god knows I've seen plenty of breastfeeding discussions go off the rails really fast. Gold stars for everyone! \:D/

I feel like at least one part of this is related, actually, to what @AF9211 was saying about how people say "delivering naturally" -- it's a euphemism for vaginally, right, we all know that. But I swear, I think people just have a hard friggin' time saying vagina. VAGINA. I was just musing on this the other day, wondering if that's why people so heavily lean on saying gender instead of sex, because people will seriously do anything to not say the word "sex" even in a completely scientific context. Nursing is using the breast in a completely maternal, non-sexual context. Referring to vaginal delivery has nothing to do with sex. Saying we found out the sex of our child has nothing to do with the act of sexual intercourse. 

But I think there's a lot of deep-seated prudishness here -- and by the way, just because I am calling it out doesn't mean I don't participate in the prudishness too. It took me a long time to get used to the fact that I've seen at least a few of my friends' breasts. But I think that it's good and healthy to identify why we feel the way that we do (which I think is happening a lot in this thread!) and then think about whether we want to change that or not.

PS I guess my UO is thinking y'all want to read all of this.

smg2302

So being naked in public is not the part that bothers me. With DD I was unable to nurse successfully and ended up using formula before we even left the hospital. I think I have anxiety about the difficulties surrounding nursing and would prefer to deal with that at home where my emotions can be my own.

WanderingA

My friend just posted this to her Facebook wall and I thought the timing was appropriate

"As a man, and a father, nursing uncovered in public is an issue that I really don't have enough shits to give about. In all seriousness, it's just a nipple. If for whatever reason I don't wish to see the nipple in question, I have a vast array of techniques at my disposal to remedy the situation.

Technique #1, "the eye of the tiger" - in this technique, I focus my energy to my eyeballs, moving them to another direction. I am no longer focusing on the nipple in question.

Technique #2, "rubber necking" - in this technique I use the muscles and joints in my neck to change the orientation of my entire skull. It is more drastic than technique #1, but generally very effective.

Technique #3, "get the heck over it" - in this technique, I realize that any nipple or breast will only be visible for a short time, and that soon I will be looking at the back of a babies head. I try to remember that my eyes are not damaged or stained, then I distract myself with a shiny object.

In conclusion: babies drink milk. Some milk comes from breasts. What's the big deal?!"

RedGiant

amack22 said:

I HATE the show Friends..that thread reminded me & now its on tvland at night

I love Friends, but I hate the Ross/Rachel on-again off-again relationship story line. Almost the ONLY time I agree with Ross is that "they were on a break" and Rachel had no right to be angry with him. Upset, yes. Hurt, yes. But she broke up with him, so he was single and she has no say what he does when they are not a couple. Ugh. /rant over

I also nursed DS in public. I used a nursing cover - one of those I got for "free" with a promo code, just pay shipping deals you see in every parenting magazine. I used the cover more for other people's comfort. I was of the attitude that I'm happy I'm able to feed my child on demand/as needed, and I'll cover up so no one has a reason to make a comment. 

I saw one mom at the grocery store with a toddler riding in the cart and an younger baby in a sling, and the baby was nursing while the mom was choosing pasta sauce off the shelf. I only knew the baby was nursing because I had seen the kid fussing/crying an aisle before and now the baby's head was at the right spot and was quiet. I wanted to high-five that mom because I didn't master nursing while wearing in a sling, but I didn't since she looked like she had her hands full.  

psychobutthead

So one thing i hate is I always think of UO's of my own and by the time Thursday comes I've forgotten every single one!

Anyways, my UO I hate couples who have to have a joint fb account or any other joint social media account.

Why can't you each have your own? To me that just always screams trust issues.

kbelly777

lizzybean said:

Thank you @bhjones1980 and @kcrosem I need to hear that today!

DH says he doesn't get why I lose my patience with her.. he only sees the last 2 hours of her day. I have been dealing with it for 12 hours straight.

THIS! 12 hours straight with a teething cranky toddler= HARD. And if she doesn't nap too- Lord help us all. She's just his little playmate though when he finally does get home. He doesn't understand.