DH Vent

Ampip2270

So I love my DH to death, but he gets frustrated easily. I knew this would be a problem going into my pregnancy that we would have some moments, but... Every time LO cries, its the end of the world for DH. He starts sweating, and always claims "he's hungry" (because I'm BF & he can't feed him to satisfy him). Rarely will he even consider something else might be upsetting LO- dirty diaper, sleepy, uncomfortable, needy- he just always goes right to the boob! I'm still home, LO is 7.5 weeks, so when DH got home tonight I said I was running to the store to get some groceries- I wasn't even gone 10 mins and I got a text "you need to hurry the F&%$ up- HE WONT SHUT THE F&@% UP" gahhhhh like I'm home all day with LO and you get him for 10 mins and panic- gimme a break! Then 5 mins later I got a text that said "got him to calm down, put him in the carrier and he went right to sleep- didnt need the breastmilk I defrosted" (thanks, but now I have to use it anyway BC you defrosted it)
Anyone have tips for helping DH to calm down and think things through before panicking?? TIA

tamarar5

More practice. . It sounds like maybe he doesn't know what to do yet and he's scared.

seamonkey0814

This sounds so familiar, I think a lot of new dads react this way. Before we left the hospital an awesome nurse taught us this sequence for "why baby is crying". The four things that might be wrong were 1) just wants to be held, 2) gassy, 3) diaper, 4) hungry. When baby is crying you pick him up, if he doesn't calm you burp him, if that doesn't work you check the diaper and last but not least you see if he's hungry. We don't actually use it anymore but it was a great little routine to get into for the first few weeks for both me and my husband when we didn't know our baby well enough to guess what was wrong. Your DH might be less likely to panic if he's got a routine to go through when the baby starts crying instead of feeling like he has to be a mind reader. And for you, the boob is the last resort, not the first so chances are the baby will calm before it becomes your problem.

cdseno

This ^ and patience with him. We have 2 and H still doesn't do great with the baby freak outs. But it makes it worse if I attack him for not being able to handle it. I just try to nicely give pointers on how to get LO to calm down. But make sure he also knows that if he needs to walk away for a few minutes to regroup during the crying it is ok.

Rosebean

He just needs to spend more time with LO. And talk to him about your LOs routine. DH was home alone with DD for 5 hours (whichever normally he holds her for 5 minutes a day) and he did great. I just explained that she wakes up, eats, gets a diaper change, plays, does tummy time then gets a nap as soon as she starts getting pissed off. Keep in mind, she's pretty easy. If she's crying, it's normally because she's tired. But maybe write him a check list before you leave... Check off what has been done (I.e.: fed at 4:00 pm), diaper changed, and leave playtime, and nap time unchecked. That way he can see what follows next in the routine so he understands what your LO could be crying about. It's all about a simple routine. And if you are keeping one and he knows the routine, then he knows what's next in the cue for your LO to be upset about.

shugirl76

My DH became far less irritated with her when we watched Happiest Baby on the Block and we were able to have five strategies to calm down a baby if being fed and diapered is not solving the problem. Very helpful to the both of us!

Ampip2270

Thanks everyone! I do have a fairly regular schedule, and he does know what it is. This time he was tired, as soon as he was put in the carrier he calmed down and passed out... DH just always thinks its its food- I'm going to end up with an obese child if he shoves a bottle (of BM) in the kids mouth every time he cries! Lol i have my first Ladies night since birth tomorrow so I'm going to try your suggestions ladies thanks.