Unwanted bump comments (huffington post article)

kefttsc

mrsthadababy said:

Wow @mariloofah‌ . That's like the pregnancy version of "eat your brussell sprouts, there are starving kids in Africa." Newsflash- this is an international forum and not all of us live in the US of A. Obviously this is going nowhere, so next time someone is ridiculously rude to me, I'll just go give birth in a bush. That'll show them!

THIS!  I keep thinking, she probably would make me clear my plate since there are starving people in the world.  

mariloofah

One CAN victimize themselves with their own thinking... ABSOLUTELY!

It's what keeps a person stuck in bad jobs, poor relationships, and unable to stick up for themselves... they lack palpable dignity to let judgements go.

There is a personal responsibility in filtering out the bad and applying the good to our lives... That process leads to all around good health and an emotionally intelligent person. If one can't filter out all the stuff... then one gets mired down in the opinion and judgements of others... And then one can get exhausted with trying to keep up with an unreachable standard that they themselves didn't set.

Again, all I did was offer an alternative to not feeling that AT ALL. I never said I was stronger, or better, or told any one to suck it up... I offered an alternative to "bad thinking" and an alternative to MISSING a chance at personal growth by remaining "stuck" in judgement. I offered how one COULD handle it... And that's been twisted into nonsense.
It's comical to say the least.

mariloofah

And I am still not talking directly to you... I am talking to the insecurity that allows us to feel slighted and judged... And offering a way to handle it in a world that isn't gonna change in the next five months for us... It's just easier to validate myself than to seek it from others.

DronkeyGal

mariloofah said:

One CAN victimize themselves with their own thinking... ABSOLUTELY!

It's what keeps a person stuck in bad jobs, poor relationships, and unable to stick up for themselves... they lack palpable dignity to let judgements go.

There is a personal responsibility in filtering out the bad and applying the good to our lives... That process leads to all around good health and an emotionally intelligent person. If one can't filter out all the stuff... then one gets mired down in the opinion and judgements of others... And then one can get exhausted with trying to keep up with an unreachable standard that they themselves didn't set.

Again, all I did was offer an alternative to not feeling that AT ALL. I never said I was stronger, or better, or told any one to suck it up... I offered an alternative to "bad thinking" and an alternative to MISSING a chance at personal growth by remaining "stuck" in judgement. I offered how one COULD handle it... And that's been twisted into nonsense.
It's comical to say the least.

Are you saying that people without a deep self-respect for themselves are allowing themselves to be victimized and therefore deserve the actions bestowed upon them?

Kayla*Marie

A couple weeks ago I went into Kohl's on a hunt to find a good looking dress that I needed for an upcoming event. I asked a lady if they had a maternity section and she happily said yes and that she would lead me to it. On our way around the store she asked how far along I was. I replied 20 weeks. She looked at me and said... "Wow, you aren't very big. Are you sure it's growing"
Really lady? Really?

StephanieLBerg

Kayla*Marie said:

A couple weeks ago I went into Kohl's on a hunt to find a good looking dress that I needed for an upcoming event. I asked a lady if they had a maternity section and she happily said yes and that she would lead me to it. On our way around the store she asked how far along I was. I replied 20 weeks. She looked at me and said... "Wow, you aren't very big. Are you sure it's growing"
Really lady? Really?

Wait....wait.....wait! Your Kohls has a maternity section?! Jealous!

mamabumkin

StephanieLBerg said:

A couple weeks ago I went into Kohl's on a hunt to find a good looking dress that I needed for an upcoming event. I asked a lady if they had a maternity section and she happily said yes and that she would lead me to it. On our way around the store she asked how far along I was. I replied 20 weeks. She looked at me and said... "Wow, you aren't very big. Are you sure it's growing"
Really lady? Really?

Wait....wait.....wait! Your Kohls has a maternity section?! Jealous!

This^^ Jealous! The town I live in doesn't have a single shop that has maternity items, not even my Walmart!  

A friend of mine has been dealing with the "your not big enough" comments her whole pregnancy.  We were sitting on her porch a few weeks back (she's due mid Nov) and we were talking about how different our bumps compared, mine being a few months younger than hers was nearly the same size...and she was saying how sick she was of the comments that she isn't eating enough, that she's going to hurt the baby if she doesn't put on some weight, and that her baby must not be growing right.  She has a really long torso, where I have a really short one. She's like 5'8" and I'm not quite 5'4".  With my last pregnancy everyone kept telling me I must be having twins, that's how huge my stomach gets (I would hate to see how big I'd be with twins!) 

Being told you're too skinny is just as hurtful to the mother to be as being told we're too big! Even though this video doesn't mention rude comments -- it does mention belly touching -- and I agree whole heartedly with Jenna Marbles -- people who come up and touch our bellies and feel the need to make some sort of comments that are anything but bright happy effing unicorns pooping rainbows, need to PIPE THE F*CK DOWN!  (warning this video contains a lot of swearing) 

https://youtu.be/ThQoYVYUSgM?list=UU9gFih9rw0zNCK3ZtoKQQyA

mariloofah

All my posts say the same thing... It's the heart you choose to read my words with... And most everyone who has responded directly to me has most likely added there own inflection as well... Which is poor form to say the least and a knee jerk reaction.

And way beyond what May I ask... this is a public forum - again, not sure why a differing opinion is spurned. And because it is I see it as something else entirely... A clear indication of "stinkin' thinkin!"

When is one culpable for there own circumstance...And own thinking? If there is a sense of culpability and any amount of emotional intelligence then the process of filtering out judgements makes us personally responsible for changing the path of our own lives... Personally responsible in changing the daily view and script of our own lives.

Is it purposeful to believe there is an insult behind an innocent question? No it's not... Even if it isn't pertaining to pregnancy. It's not beneficial to healthy thinking to read into questions, comments, looks... Car horns... The fact someone didn't call back right away... Etc. If one is reading into all the one million potential instances during the course of the day where one could potentially feel judged... It is a waste if precious time... And energy... And an erosion of good mental health. That erosion has some serious consequences... The focus has shifted and the important person becomes the person who you owe nothing to... No one owes anyone else an explanation of why one popped sooner than last time or aren't showing as much... Or look bigger than your anticipated due date... That person isn't in your mind... you are!! So, you could just as much a hear a COMPLIMENT in those moments... Than an insult.

i.e. Kohls... Maybe the lady was just trying to give a compliment that was misdirected and ill fated. It's the ears in which you hear things... And the heart in which you interpret them.

Don't get me completely wrong... People have all kinds of MO's for trying to get under skin... Maybe some of the questions are intentionally hurtful... But who is in control ? You or that other person?

Just seems to me that if I allow someone to have that power over me for ONE MINUTE... While I walk to the kohls maternity section... That I have done myself a huge disservice by not staying mentally centered in who I am. And because I am pregnant doesn't change that. It's an alternative to living in a world where I could sink into always playing the victim... Or not.

I'm just sayin... We got to be stronger than that... It shows insecurity and an ill attempt at grappling with control of ones emotions to allow a comment to fester. Change the mindset... Change the perspective - strength comes with that ability.

MrsTucker2011

Gif party...

StephanieLBerg

mariloofah said:

All my posts say the same thing... It's the heart you choose to read my words with... And most everyone who has responded directly to me has most likely added there own inflection as well... Which is poor form to say the least and a knee jerk reaction.

And way beyond what May I ask... this is a public forum - again, not sure why a differing opinion is spurned. And because it is I see it as something else entirely... A clear indication of "stinkin' thinkin!"

When is one culpable for there own circumstance...And own thinking? If there is a sense of culpability and any amount of emotional intelligence then the process of filtering out judgements makes us personally responsible for changing the path of our own lives... Personally responsible in changing the daily view and script of our own lives.

Is it purposeful to believe there is an insult behind an innocent question? No it's not... Even if it isn't pertaining to pregnancy. It's not beneficial to healthy thinking to read into questions, comments, looks... Car horns... The fact someone didn't call back right away... Etc. If one is reading into all the one million potential instances during the course of the day where one could potentially feel judged... It is a waste if precious time... And energy... And an erosion of good mental health. That erosion has some serious consequences... The focus has shifted and the important person becomes the person who you owe nothing to... No one owes anyone else an explanation of why one popped sooner than last time or aren't showing as much... Or look bigger than your anticipated due date... That person isn't in your mind... you are!! So, you could just as much a hear a COMPLIMENT in those moments... Than an insult.

i.e. Kohls... Maybe the lady was just trying to give a compliment that was misdirected and ill fated. It's the ears in which you hear things... And the heart in which you interpret them.

Don't get me completely wrong... People have all kinds of MO's for trying to get under skin... Maybe some of the questions are intentionally hurtful... But who is in control ? You or that other person?

Just seems to me that if I allow someone to have that power over me for ONE MINUTE... While I walk to the kohls maternity section... That I have done myself a huge disservice by not staying mentally centered in who I am. And because I am pregnant doesn't change that. It's an alternative to living in a world where I could sink into always playing the victim... Or not.

I'm just sayin... We got to be stronger than that... It shows insecurity and an ill attempt at grappling with control of ones emotions to allow a comment to fester. Change the mindset... Change the perspective - strength comes with that ability.

Get. Off. Your. Soap Box! You've said your peace, so have we. Move on with your life! You don't ALWAYS have to get in the last word! This thread is exhausted and honestly I don't know how much more of your nonsense I can cram into my brain's spam filter. Let it go.....

EDIT: gif fail.....

mariloofah

Nah! Thanks for the invite though!

mariloofah

One can respond to further comments. I respond to yours ... You can respond to mine... Isn't that how a public forum works? .. And no where in the hand book did I read that any one particular person gets to decide when the thread is exhausted. I can decide for myself when I am done... I keep having thoughts on the matter... So, its my prerogative. It has nothing to do with NEEDING TO HAVE THE LAST WORD. Your observation is incorrect.

I simply am in a discussion on a public forum and everyone on here has been so insulted that they are taking my words personally as insults. But that's not my problem... Neither is your annoyance with my comments.

So back to the point... Which you all sure like to deviate from...

I am voicing an alternative to not feeling degraded by someone else's pregnancy comments. I am at my strongest and bravest right now given the new horizon I am about to embark on! You, I am sure feel wonderful too and certainly wouldn't allow someone else to disrupt your pregnancy peace of mind. Would you? Wait? What just happened? Did I disrupt your peace of mind? Again, more credibility to my earlier argument that we have to be stronger than that.

If you don't like it ... Excuse yourself. I won't mind - there isn't anything anyone has said on here that warrants my feathers getting ruffled... Even with all the jabs and pics.

But, I don't have to relent because I am annoying you with my comments... Come on... Are we having an educated discussion or a cafeteria fight? I'm above that... And so are you. Hence the reason your brain is crammed.

I just happen to be awake and reading several things online including your pointless barbs. And yet Another sad example of Poor form on this thread. But thank you I just figured it out... The fact that you couldn't say anything constructive pertaining to what I posted SPEAKS VOLUMES!!!

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

DronkeyGal

mamabumkin

Ugh.  Obviously @mariloofah you haven't learned in your 40 years of life how to address an audience in a way that doesn't turn them off to you and can afford you the ability to put whatever point you are trying to make across. 

You're talking down to everyone, that is how your words are coming across in text.  There is no ability to hear inflection, tone, or intention on the internet as such you have to adjust how you type your thoughts to others.  

Frankly, I'm starting to think you're just trolling here for drama with your higher than thou attitude and your armchair psychological analysis of all the pregnant women here. 

Edit to add -- Bully for you for feeling all empowered and like nothing affects you.  Not everyone feels this way, and you can't force feed your mental status on others by calling them weak and guilt tripping them. That's not how a psychological change happens in anyone. Congratulations you've achieved some special place of not feeling emotional while pregnant. Not everyone is where you are, so drop it. Everyone's read your opinion, and it doesn't look like many are in the same place you are. So drop it. 

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

smg2302

So the TL;DR is victim shaming and pain olympics? Amiright?

I must give off really good bitch face because I have not had any of the issues mentioned in the article, this pregnancy or last.  I'm happy to give lessons if anyone is interested.  I'll send you my paypal info. 

Maple403

Thanks, mariloofah, for turning this from a bonding experience into some sick "Blame the victim" game.

foxslaw

Ehhh, I get where you are originally coming from @mariloofah‌ , but then you kind of took it a really gross direction. Some women with depression, anxiety, ED's, etc etc simply *don't* have control (or have very little control) over how they feel (or perceive how others perceive them). So, yes, comments about my size WILL send me into a tailspin NO matter what the original intent was. There is a difference between an intellectual understanding of intent & an emotional understanding. That has nothing to do with "insecurity", it's a much bigger issue that I've struggled with my entire life. I think you just need to stop, because it's fantastic that YOU can let things just slide off your back, but not everyone is capable of that.

chickyclg

@mariloofah‌

The problem I have with a lot of your statements is they are so one sided and it appears that you are refusing to glance at the other side.

I have been called huge, and when I tell people that I am due in February they look mortified. And I can promise you that your fibroids do not make you look/feel like you are carrying twins, otherwise you'd be more understanding to some of those comments.

On another note we use TB as an outlet to vent about things you can't just say in public/ to a stranger. When someone tells me I look like I'm going to have my baby any day now, and I respond no I have 4 more months to go, followed by their rude obnoxious comments. I generally just smile and walk away while I am fuming on the inside, TB helps with that because most of the other women have been faced with similar un welcomed comments that we have to deal with.

Izzy0927

For fucks sake. You are insufferable.

PikoPiko

Did I just walk into one of those weird preachy self-improvement/motivational speech forums at a hotel conference room? 

chicagojackie

@PikoPiko‌ yes!!

We are all motivated up in here. Let's try it.

Here goes: fuck all of you!! Hoars!!!!!

Yeah, I didn't mean any of you directly even though I used the term you. It's a metaphorical you. With synergy.

Wait! That offended you? You need to get out of your mindset and interpret that differently. You're letting the insecurity win!!! Fight the power!!! Feminism!!!! Lyfe!!!

I'm available for all your dinner parties because I'm just that fun

StephanieLBerg

chicagojackie said:

@PikoPiko‌ yes!!

We are all motivated up in here. Let's try it.

Here goes: fuck all of you!! Hoars!!!!!

Yeah, I didn't mean any of you directly even though I used the term you. It's a metaphorical you. With synergy.

Wait! That offended you? You need to get out of your mindset and interpret that differently. You're letting the insecurity win!!! Fight the power!!! Feminism!!!! Lyfe!!!

I'm available for all your dinner parties because I'm just that fun

Bah hahahahahahahahahaha! )