Dealing with overwhelming anxiety

Helenahhandbasket

Hi Ladies

I think @pegacorn posted something similar recently, and I am going to bring it up with my therapist, but lately have been feeling the most overwhelming sense of anxiety in regards to thinking my loved ones are going to die in terrible accidents.

I know it's farfetched, but I can't stop thinking about it-- I'm worried something's going to happen to Josie in her crib at night (even though I have a video monitor with the sound turned way up AND her room is right accross the hall from me).  I think something's going to happen to my new SO-- I am pretty sure I am making him nuts by asking him to text or call after he arrives someplace safely.  I am even terrified that something terrible will happen to STBXH-- and I think of how sad I would be for Josie should he be in an accident.

I have had mild episodes of this before, but lately, it's been almost unbearable-- the really dark, obsessive thoughts, the racing pulse and the panic is making me think I am going crazy.

So, friends, am I going crazy?  Not sure what I am looking for here?  Maybe just to vent a bit, confide, see if anyone can relate?

Thanks for listening.

jellybean529

I could have written this same story a few years ago, with the crazy intrusive thoughts and racing heart and inability to sleep and all. Are you on any medication? I had been on two and I found out that the second one (for blood pressure) I was on was not recommended for people with depression/panic disorder and was rendering my antidepressant ineffective.I literally thought I was drowning and even had thoughts of "if this is how the rest of my life is going to be then it's not worth living". 

I got off the other drug and got my antidepressant adjusted and all was normal again within days.

Don't wait to talk to the doctor...call them TODAY if you can. 

Helenahhandbasket

Thanks for the response Jelly-- other than my regular oral BCPs, I am not on any other medication.

Thankfully, I am not having these thoughts all of the time, but I seem to have these acute attacks of complete panic.  I have my weekly therapy appointment tomorrow, so I am for sure going to bring it up.

It's just nice not to feel so all alone.

Helenahhandbasket

pegacorn said:

See. I'm at the same place. I don't know if my feelings are normal parent worry or beyond that. I think it is beyond, but I'm so scared to take the first step.

I am just like you. My brain runs through horrific "what if" scenarios all day. Constantly.

What if DS is hit by a car?
What if DS is flung from his carseat?
What if DS is kidnapped?
What if DS dies?
What if there is a shooting at DSs school and the shooter picks DS classroom?
What if there was a shooting at the mall while DS and I are there? What would I do? Where would we go? How would I react? If I got shot would DS run away or get shot, too? [The day this one happened we were at the mall and I cried. That night there was a shooting at a local grocery store and two women died. I lost it.]
What is that bruise? Where did he get it? OMG he has lukemia?
What if I don't take a cough/cold/fever seriously enough and he dies?
What if someone breaks in and kills him/me/us or takes him?
What if we get hit while driving?
What if he goes missing?
What if he wanders away?
What if he lets go of my hand in the parking lot?
What if he's allergic to [item] and goes into anaphylactic shock?

I worry about things happening to DP, too but not as obsessively as I do DS.

Yeah-- I can relate to a lot of that.  I thought I remembered you posting something really similar.  Thanks for chiming in- I really need/ want to get this under control.

Helenahhandbasket

pegacorn said:

You are definitely not alone @helenahandbasket.

The best way I can describe the physical feeling I have is my chest feels heavy. It's really bad today.

I just called a PCP and the wouldn't schedule me until I came in to fill out paperwork. Then appointments are into November.

I cried when I hung up.

So, so many creepy e-hugs.

Helenahhandbasket

bostonkisses said:

Call your doc ASAP.  I've dealt with anxiety all my life, and it can be crippling.  Getting help makes a big difference.  Give meds a try, and even talk therapy.  You can always try weaning off the meds later and see how it goes, but meds can really give you some good relief now.

::big hugs::

Thanks BK!

I've been on and off meds (currently off) since my teen years, but it may be time to give them another try.

skategirl128

I'm glad you called your dr @Helenahhandbasket‌. Dealing with anxiety at that level is super tough and you definitely shouldn't deal alone.

@pegacorn‌ you should contact a therapist who can prescribe something. Meds will make a difference, as will talk therapy. Those types of thoughts are so tough- I've been there and it's a hard place to be.

Big hugs to both of you!

My first bouts of these feelings stemmed from actual tragedy and resulted in a lot of talk therapy and some medication for a while. I've learned how to cope with my thoughts and how to deal. I can start to see when I'm spiraling downward and it's made it easier for me to cope. Sometimes there is a trigger and sometimes these things sneak up on us without a real reason why. You are not alone! More hugs!

HopingforChange

I have dealt with these thoughts for as long as I can remember. It is hard. I'm on meds, and they are a huge help. I also had a really great therapist who specialized in cognitive behavioral therapy. Exposure therapy and flooding really worked for me, but those are definitely things you need professional guidance to do safely. You are not alone, and it will get better.

Helenahhandbasket

Thanks for all of the love and understanding ladies!

I have my regular talk therapy appointment tonight so I am going to bring it up there.  I hope I can get it under control because I hate feeling like this.

Helenahhandbasket

pegacorn said:

Hugs @helenahandbasket! Keep us posted.

Thanks lady-- you too!