BFN but still late on AF.......needing advice and support

stillpraying4ababy

Hello ladies Hope all is well for everyone on this tuesday. Is everyone tired from the long weekend like i am? Well, here is my confusion of the day..... Im on cycle day 29. (due to get AF yesterday). No sighting of AF as of yet. I took a pregnancy test this morning and got a BFN. I went into doc and did the bood draw test but of course it takes a day to get results back. I did everything as i was told during my 2ww (no alcohol, no heavy lifting, only running as exercise, took all meds as instructed). Should i just assume that im not prego is the pee test was BFN? Or should i still have hope? Im totally down, an emotional wreck (everyone at work is staring at me...). Just not sure what to think anymore. Oh little history, My fiance and i did our first IUI procedure 15 days ago, we tried to conceive the natural way for 15 months. Please help with some advice if you can. One more question...... is there an average amount of attempts that the IUI procedure takes? Is it rare to get a BFP on the first try? thanks everyone

BunnyBerry

For most people, the first 3 IUI cycles each have about an equal chance of success (meaning, a couple failed cycles is perfectly normal). I've noticed by counting up BFPs on our IUI check-in that we seem to have fewer BFPs on IUI#1 than on #2 or #3. I wonder if that's because the protocol is tweaked and improved based on the first cycle?

It's possible that your luteal phase is a little longer than usual this time around. Did you take meds for ovulation like Clomid or Letrozole, or are you on progesterone support (both can sometimes lengthen the luteal phase)? 

f you triggered in the evening 17 days ago, then you probably ovulated in the morning 15 days ago. Getting your period any time today would then give you a 14 day luteal phase. Anything up to 16 days is considered normal, so perhaps you just need to wait another couple days.

It's also possible that your blood test will come back positive, especially if your HPTs were not very sensitive. Unfortunately, this is just that crazy time of a cycle when you can't be sure. Good luck!

lisa89760

Were you on Clomid? My cycles were longer on clomid.  

stillpraying4ababy

I have participated in threads that i didnt start and didnt feel right asking questions of my own when someone was seeking there own support on the thread they started. but thanks for you advice. i wasnt treating anyone like google. i was simply asking for a little bit of up lifting words since i was extremely down about the negative pee test. sorry if you felt that way. Yes i took clomid, did a trigger shot and am still on suppository progesterone.

lisa89760

My AF doesn't start to a few days after I stop progesterone supplements.  In fact, my Dr told me my period most likely won't start until I stop taking those.  Once I get two negative HPT or one negative blood test I stop.  

stillpraying4ababy

Thank you again for those who responded with helpful info. Im not an expert like some so responded to some posts makes me feel a little outta line. I know you @bluejoan say your not attacking but that pretty much is what it feels like, thanks. I thought we were all here to help and get info from eachothers experiences. I didnt realize my comment history is watched. I'll make sure i comment more. Sorry if this post went negative but i feel like a dog that just got kicked while down. Hope all of you are having a better day than i. Good luck to all.

Hollowvic

Only time will tell if you are pregnant or not. That being said, I would post an intro. Good luck.

Hollowvic

@stillpraying4ababy‌ I just read your last post. Why do feel you are being attacked?

stillpraying4ababy

ok, thanks all. sorry for posting questions without a full hx intro.

BunnyBerry

stillpraying4ababy said:

ok, thanks all. sorry for posting questions without a full hx intro.

Taken together with your previous replies here, I just took this as sarcastic. Am I incorrect?

Here on 3T, we have all struggled to conceive, most for a very long time. The only reason that we aren't offended by hearing other women's hopes that they're still pregnant with a negative HPT at 15DPO, or hurt by hearing about the BFPs of other women here, is that we've invested enough communication through posts and messages to trust that these are mutual relationships where we both would care about the other in the same situation.

I sometimes check on even a familiar poster's back history to make sure the things I say to her are appropriate for her situation. It is an act of love, because I want to make my comments individualized as a way for people to feel that they are known, remembered, and cared about. 

I also often check back posts for a screen name that is unfamiliar. When several new people intro each week, and only some continue to hang around, it can take time to figure out who everybody is. When there's so little info (not even knowing if they're taking meds for example) it makes a simple question like yours here pretty complicated to answer.

The best way to speed up that process is to be an active, communicating member in support of others. That way I know you, I know you care about the people whom I care about, I know that you are here for me as much as I am here for you. If I don't know those things, I don't have much patience for your concerns because it would feel like I was giving without receiving - something that's totally fine with someone you have a history with (because one day they're going to have your back), but something that's stressful and uncomfortable with someone who you don't really know.

There's no "rule" about a ratio for supporting others vs. reaching out for your own support, but if you check the back histories for women who are active in this community, you'll see that they have several, if not dozens of supportive comments for every discussion they've started for their own question/concern. I think this is why your question elicited some frustration from the board.  

stillpraying4ababy

i simply posted on here to get some support and advice. like i stated before i wasnt using anyone as google. Ive seen how supportive everyone always seemed to be. I wasnt reaching for anyone to give me false hope. I was honestly asking, hoping to find someone who went through the same thing. Not to be attacked for not making a proper introduction. I stated in my post that my fiance and i had our first IUI procedure. Ive been supportive with other ladies on here through private message, but not sure that matters. Yes im being defensive because i feel like instead of feeling better about this crappy day through the kind words and informative comments, i felt like i got bashed for not commenting enough. im sorry if i offended anyone but i honestly felt attacked. Hope everyone has a good night. ***btw- RE called......negative beta

theholmanherd

stillpraying4ababy said:

i simply posted on here to get some support and advice. like i stated before i wasnt using anyone as google. Ive seen how supportive everyone always seemed to be. I wasnt reaching for anyone to give me false hope. I was honestly asking, hoping to find someone who went through the same thing. Not to be attacked for not making a proper introduction. I stated in my post that my fiance and i had our first IUI procedure. Ive been supportive with other ladies on here through private message, but not sure that matters. Yes im being defensive because i feel like instead of feeling better about this crappy day through the kind words and informative comments, i felt like i got bashed for not commenting enough. im sorry if i offended anyone but i honestly felt attacked. Hope everyone has a good night. ***btw- RE called......negative beta

Sorry for your BFN. Perhaps, if you were looking for a success after the first IUI story, you should have asked the PAIF/SAIF boards (although these, could I still be pregnant posts don't tend to go over well on the Bump). I want to think that you really meant no harm, but your responses are a little catty towards the other members of the board....respected members. Yes, you got a little snark (very, very little), but mostly people were just being blunt and honest. We don't like to sugar coat things because it doesn't help anyone.

Drink some wine, take a step back from the board for a couple days, THEN intro and, before starting any other threads (besides your intro with your TTC history), start commenting on other posts. There are intro posts to comment on (welcome, hi, etc), weekly threads where you can ask questions and purge your thoughts and feelings about your current cycle, and weekly "entertainment" threads (Tuesdays are Other People's Pregnancies - venting, Wednesdays are WTFs, Thursdays are TPT - Throat Punch Thursday, and Fridays are Flame Free Friday Confessions - FFFC). So, please join us in those capacities and you will gradually be able to jump in, in other areas, from there. Good luck on your journey.

LindseyM2012

stillpraying4ababy said:

i simply posted on here to get some support and advice. like i stated before i wasnt using anyone as google. Ive seen how supportive everyone always seemed to be. I wasnt reaching for anyone to give me false hope. I was honestly asking, hoping to find someone who went through the same thing. Not to be attacked for not making a proper introduction. I stated in my post that my fiance and i had our first IUI procedure. Ive been supportive with other ladies on here through private message, but not sure that matters. Yes im being defensive because i feel like instead of feeling better about this crappy day through the kind words and informative comments, i felt like i got bashed for not commenting enough. im sorry if i offended anyone but i honestly felt attacked. Hope everyone has a good night.

***btw- RE called......negative beta

I'm sorry you got the call with a negative. And I'm sorry you're struggling right now. Please note that there have been several informative comments on this thread from the ladies in this community. It sounds like you were looking for a particular type of response - experiences of positive beta after a negative hpt (which is probably an incredibly rare occurrence). The fact that you didn't get that response you were seeking should not be surprising if you lurked and got a feel for the community culture. It should also not be surprising since most people here have not had a positive test. If you don't like the tone of some responders, ignore it. We can't help you if you're looking for a specific response that is not within our knowledge or experience to give.

BethKate2

The fact is, if you spent any time on this board (or anywhere on The Bump), you'd realize that "Am I pregnant?" posts never go over well....and yes, that's what this post was.

Just because you didn't get the answers you wanted doesn't mean that you were attacked.

You were given good advice. Take a step back, lurk, read other threads, and determine if this is the board for you. The ladies here are a wealth of knowledge, but we're not going to offer false hope.

stillpraying4ababy

as i stated before i was greatful and thanked that people that gave advice. i was in no way seeking a particular answer. i was expecting blunt honest answers........not 1 or 2 people commenting about how i didnt give an intro intro my IF issues. once again, i greatly appreciated the ones that did respond to the actual post subject (positive and negative). It was also in no way was this a could i be pregnant post, i was simply seeking answers and comments from anyone who had been in my confusion. like i also stated before ive messaged back and forth privately with a couple girls because when i did lurk around i found that we were on the same day during our 2ww and had similar results with certain tests. i guess maybe im more private in that aspect. i thought it would be more personal to privately message some people that chat about similarities. im not an expert to give advice or answers to 99% of the questions that people ask. so who am i to answer questions?????? sh*t, i barely know whats going on with my IF issues......... ( Im an extremely honest and blunt person (too much at times), so if i feel like i can answer a question or assist in some way, believe me i would. I guess i just believed that me making an intro post about my life (IF life) would be me exposing my private secret life. (im also very private). as always, hope everyone is having a good hump day.

theholmanherd

Well, we all want anonymity in some way. You can post a general intro that doesn't give anything away specifically. Your IF info will be similar to many, so that won't give you away. We all like to get to know each other out in the open on the board. Your private messages to others don't help us know you. Us knowing you is what helps make you a member. Anyway, you asked how to get involved. I spent quite a bit of time explaining how to you in my post. Re-read it and let me know if there's anything that confused you about it. There are plenty of ways to get involved. I'm private, honest, and a regular member here. Those things don't have to be mutually exclusive.

LindseyM2012

Ok. Well lurking and getting to know the community culture would have taught you that 3T proper etiquette is the following (preferably in order): lurk, intro, participate (i.e GIVE and get support). 

And please stop saying you're not asking if you're pregnant. The following is asking exactly that:

stillpraying4ababy said:

......

Should i just assume that im not prego is the pee test was BFN? Or should i still have hope?

.......

Please stop being defensive. The ladies here are trying to tell you how to best get the support you're looking for from this board. If you don't follow community culture and etiquette, you won't find what you're looking for here. I'm expecting to get a defensive response to this post, but I'm done with this topic. 

stillpraying4ababy

yes, done with the topic. didnt realize there were so many "rules"..... all i can do is sigh, and laugh it off at this point (coping mechanism). saying i need to post an intro in order to be considered a member to a free public site is confusing and judgmental in my eyes. but maybe im just coming from a different point of view. im just mis understood and my explanations dont mean anything. not much else to do, unless i grow the ability to air my IF laundry and make an intro post.

theholmanherd

stillpraying4ababy said:

yes, done with the topic. didnt realize there were so many "rules"..... all i can do is sigh, and laugh it off at this point (coping mechanism). saying i need to post an intro in order to be considered a member to a free public site is confusing and judgmental in my eyes. but maybe im just coming from a different point of view. im just mis understood and my explanations dont mean anything. not much else to do, unless i grow the ability to air my IF laundry and make an intro post.

This is not dropping it. This is demanding support without being willing to give it and defiantly refusing to adhere to the board's culture. *head desk*

theholmanherd

iPutKetchupOnKetchup said:

Guise. I told MK I wouldn't pee on OPKS during this vacay but I never said I wouldn't check in on TB. Anywho, IMO, I was nice to OP. Anyone who has ACTUALLY seen the "Wrath of Ketchup" care to inform her how differently this could have gone? I mean, come on..

After her last response, I was admittedly a little excited when I saw you commented again LOL

futuremrsloya

Stillpraying4ababy, I totally agree with you. From the moment I joined the bump (like pressed the join now button without having to read through community rules and regulations) I felt that everyone was really rude. I hadn't posted anything yet, just clicked on one forum to read it and see what the atmosphere is like here. To be honest I'd rather not ask a single question in this community. Everyone here has hopes for pregnancy wether it's to get pregnant or to deliver a happy healthy baby. If people are going to get all butt hurt over other people expressing those hopes, then they are the ones who have issues. This is my very first and very last post. If this was the last community on earth to communicate with and my sanity depended on talking to these I'll tempered, barren women I'd rather choose to lose my mind. And for you Stillpraying4ababy, good luck on your journey ttc. Sending baby dust your way!

futuremrsloya

Well your idea of 30 seconds is a lot longer than mine considering I've been a member since... oh gosh... about January. I am getting out of here. Not because you told me to, which oh my goodness the power you have over me ) but because after my 3 year struggle,I'm pregnant!!! Feels so good to be able to rub that one all up in your face! So... i know that once again your going to say I'm "incredibly offensive" but your ridiculously unsupportive so we are even.

lisa89760

wow what type of horrible person comes to an online forum to help people struggling with IF to "rub a pregnancy in their face" 

For the record, I've found this board very helpful and supportive and I'm still fairly new.  Hmmm i wonder if it has something to do with the fact that I am not a horrible person??

Shauntee

That escalated quickly!

stillpraying4ababy

Im not gonna stop defending myself.  and I HAVE given support.  Maybe not the way you guys have or what adheres to your "rules".

mshandlebar

Ick. Kinda wish I hadn't read this thread. Now I am sad, but also really happy because all the ladies here are awesome!

Ann612

That was just mean.  There are many people on here not even saying anything (not that those that did said anything all that terrible) and it's really unfair that anyone had to read that. 

I don't get it - I joined just about a month ago and I didn't find it all that difficult.  It doesn't take any kind of special knowledge to respond with a couple words of encouragement to others every now and then.  

Also, fuck you to that horrible, horrible person.

emmej313

This made my day.

SND1231

Ok.., I am very new to the boards here but have found them to be nothing but helpful and supportive.. IF you simply take the time to read the very few recommendations it is super simple. Post an intro and get involved that is it... I have posted 2 or 3 of my own discussions and have responded to over 40 other people's. Now that I am getting the hang of it I realize I could have saved the others two of my 3 posts by learning about their different days posts- like Throat punch thursday.. OPP Wednesday or Tuesday etc... But regardless the community has been nothing but super supportive. I don't have expert advice like you claim to not want to comment on bc of... But its a simple.. Welcome good luck or even FX... You don't have to be an expert you just have to care... I went back and looked at your posts also... You had three different discussions going about the exact same thing... In all of them the people asked you to post an intro.. Its totally anonymous. You don't have to share what position your having BD in.... Names... or anything that should make you feel uncomfortable... Just tell us whats going on so that we can help you... Now to the person who shoved their BFP in our faces... You will one day see how terrible that was... There is no reason for that here...

theholmanherd

@SND1231, what? you mean by lurking and paying attention to posts other than your own, you can actually learn the culture of the board? You even figured out that we have regular threads all on your own? Wow. That must have been hard. :P (read my sarcasm)

To the WK who rubbed her BFP in our faces, I don't even remember your name and you aren't worth my time to even scroll up and look. You acted like a bitch and now you've burned your bump bridge. TB never forgets. Bye, felicia.

redandblue

Enough said....

stillpraying4ababy

holy crap, i gotta say, that girl was a little abrasive. Ive read a bunch of discussions and always saw that everyone was supportive and everyone gave advice with my other post. but this one rubbed SOME, NOT ALL, people the wrong way. i dont have time nor do i care enough to make a second profile. what would be the point of that. i joined this site because i was told that i could read and learn things about IF and that people would give good advice. i was also warned that the ladies can be harsh if you rub them the wrong way (the girl who told me about TB no longer logs on here) but i wanted to try anyway. and like i said before everyone always seemed nice. although i never read the discussions that had negative titles. I stated before why i PM 3 or 4 other people. just felt it was more personal. but again, that doesnt matter. i guess it just needs to be seen, the support that it. gotta admit that im kinda bummed that this has turned out this way. i think EVERYONE (myself and the few people that jumped down my throat) couldve handled comments differently. oh well. maybe one day ill make an intro. although with my first post, i did introduce myself in the first part of the discussion. guess that wasnt the right type of intro. i did read read the "rules" about lurking and intros and stuff and i kinda felt, i kinda did what i was supposed to do but in the wrong way, i guess. toss it up to me not getting it right and me being defensive. hope all is well with everyone.

Hollowvic

OMG @futuremrsloya‌ first you said it was yout first and last post, then you post again, purposely throwing the fact that your pregnant in our faces? What, you have nothing better to do today than to go on a support group and try unsuccessfully (because really nobody cares about you) to make others feel bad? You're a lowlife, but deep down you already know that. You're one of those awful people who get off on making others feel bad. Karma will come around and bite you in he ass, be prepared bitch! To all the ladies on here, my apologies, I had to pull out my troll assassin swords. This is the worst troll yet.

theholmanherd

BlueJoan said:

murrt said:

@BlueJoan Yup. Just a dab. Also, you can use furniture polish to remove fingerprints too!

So cool!!  I'm going to try that. Thanks!

I saw later in the thread that a poster's dog kept licking her appliances after, so I wouldn't do it if your dogs like to lick things LOL

dancerspose

theholmanherd said:

BlueJoan said:

murrt said:

@BlueJoan Yup. Just a dab. Also, you can use furniture polish to remove fingerprints too!

So cool!!  I'm going to try that. Thanks!

I saw later in the thread that a poster's dog kept licking her appliances after, so I wouldn't do it if your dogs like to lick things LOL

I had to laugh at this because my dog LOVES olive oil so much we had to stop keeping it on our counter (he's huge and can reach without even trying).  We know put it on his food to help his coat, but I could only imagine the chaos that would ensue if I tried to clean my appliances with it!

Hollowvic

murrt said:

AlaskaDee23 said:

oh well that BFP being rubbed in our faces was just mean

I'm betting she's not preggers....just trying to piss us off. Don't let some crazy get to you.

I'm thinking the same thing, I bet she's not preggers also.  Why would someone who is pregnant after trying for 3 years (like she claims) who has never posted on this site ever lurk on a TTTC board if they're pregnant?  She's just an asshole with too much time on her hands.  It was so obvious what she was trying to do, I found it funny.  

I'm done with this thread and glad it turned into getting some helpful household tips, thanks ladies.