Birth Stories
gingerygirl
member
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Warning: my story is a sad one.
gingerygirl
member
It's been a month now and I feel like I can finally talk about it. But I have no one I feel I can talk about it to. And so, my story will be told to you ladies if you will hear it. I need to tell someone; I at least need to know my story is out there.
If you are one of those ladies who is extremely emotional or paranoid or terrified that something will go wrong, leave this story now because it does not have a happy ending.
My due date was December 24, 2014. On August 29, I had a checkup with my doctor and we had an ultrasound. Everything looked great. Baby was on the bigger side for 23 weeks and had a nice strong heartbeat. She was growing at a good rate and I was feeling great.
August 30, I worked all day from 10am-7pm. A very long shift with only one 30 minute break to sit down. When I got home my feet were killing me and my lower back ached like no ones business. Fast forward to later that night, hubby and i laid down to go to bed. I was tossing and turning; I just couldn't get comfortable. My lower back still had that persistent throbbing ache. I eventually drifted off to sleep thinking about my baby and wondering why I hadn't felt her move much all day.
August 31. 4:00am. I woke up. I had this weird pain like a mix between really having to pee and being really hungry. I got up and went to the bathroom. I checked the toilet paper out of habit, nothing unusual. I went back to bed. I was finally falling asleep again when I felt that pain again. Okay, definitely not a normal pain. Something was wrong. I knew it. I woke up my husband and told him what was going on. He told me to lie still and take deep breaths. It would probably pass. Hah, yeah right. Ten minutes later, same pain, more intense. Okay, now it's time to wake mom up (we lived with my parents at the time). Go downstairs. "Mom, wake up. Something's wrong." My wonderful mother. Mother of 6 children. She knew what was happening. She had me lie down and we started timing the contractions. Average of 1.5 minutes long every 3-ish minutes. Call the doctor. "Get to the hospital, NOW!"
In the car. Why is the hospital so far away? Only 15 minutes. Drive faster, Mom. Pain...pain...pain...oh please, God, no. Help.
5:30am. We arrived at the hospital. They got me in a room. Fussing and fussing with equipment and monitors. They strapped round things to my belly and then I heard the most wonderful sound. Baby girls heartbeat. Strong and healthy. A quick examination, cervix is fully closed. Good. But I am still in full out real time labor. They gave me pills and a shot in my butt. They told me it would slow and hopefully stop the labor. Meanwhile, an ambulance from St. Mary's, an hour away, was coming to get me. They have better NICU equipment.
They moved me to a different room. Pain...Pain...PAIN! Holy pain! These were so much worse! I thought you said the medicine would slow the contractions, not make them worse!
Check the cervix. Still closed. Ten minutes pass. Check cervix again. Fully dilated. Wait. What? In ten minutes? What does that mean?
"I'm so sorry. This baby is coming now. We can't stop it."
No. No no no no. No please, God, anything but this. It's too soon. Too early. She's not ready. She can't survive yet.
Five more minutes. My water breaks. Gross. It felt like I peed myself. People standing around talking. Woah. WOAH! "I feel something!!" It felt like something solid and slimy was sliding down my inner tube. Come to think of it, that's kind of exactly what it was. My doctor hurried over to look. "Here she comes." I hear. One more contraction. Didn't even have to push. Plop. There she was.
10:25am. 1lb 4oz. 11 inches long. Arms waving. Mouth wide open, trying to scream. Then she was gone. They took her away. No, come back. Let me see her. Bring her back. No. They had to take her. They had to save her. She's alive. She's still alive. There is hope. They can save her.
Waiting. Waiting. I'm so tired. I think I passed out.
An hour passed before my doctor came back in. She told me they had done everything they could. As of right then, she was still alive. Tubes and wires were keeping her heart beating. But I had to make a choice. A terrible, terrible choice. They could keep working on her. Keep her alive. But she would have horrible health problems for all of her life. Probably brain damage. Her organs were damaged from lack of oxygen. Or, they could bring her in to me. Let me and my husband hold her for her last moments. Spend some time with her. What could I do? I could never condemn my precious daughter to a life of misery. I decided to have them bring her to me.
Oh, she was so beautiful. Emma Rose. That's what we named her. My sweet little Emma Rose. She looked so much like her daddy. Her eyes were still sealed shut. I don't know what color they were. She was the most beautiful little girl I have ever seen.
If you read this all the way to the end, thank you for listening to my tale. Over a month later and I can still hardly believe it happened. It's still surreal.
Take care of yourselves, ladies. And kiss your children for me.
If you are one of those ladies who is extremely emotional or paranoid or terrified that something will go wrong, leave this story now because it does not have a happy ending.
My due date was December 24, 2014. On August 29, I had a checkup with my doctor and we had an ultrasound. Everything looked great. Baby was on the bigger side for 23 weeks and had a nice strong heartbeat. She was growing at a good rate and I was feeling great.
August 30, I worked all day from 10am-7pm. A very long shift with only one 30 minute break to sit down. When I got home my feet were killing me and my lower back ached like no ones business. Fast forward to later that night, hubby and i laid down to go to bed. I was tossing and turning; I just couldn't get comfortable. My lower back still had that persistent throbbing ache. I eventually drifted off to sleep thinking about my baby and wondering why I hadn't felt her move much all day.
August 31. 4:00am. I woke up. I had this weird pain like a mix between really having to pee and being really hungry. I got up and went to the bathroom. I checked the toilet paper out of habit, nothing unusual. I went back to bed. I was finally falling asleep again when I felt that pain again. Okay, definitely not a normal pain. Something was wrong. I knew it. I woke up my husband and told him what was going on. He told me to lie still and take deep breaths. It would probably pass. Hah, yeah right. Ten minutes later, same pain, more intense. Okay, now it's time to wake mom up (we lived with my parents at the time). Go downstairs. "Mom, wake up. Something's wrong." My wonderful mother. Mother of 6 children. She knew what was happening. She had me lie down and we started timing the contractions. Average of 1.5 minutes long every 3-ish minutes. Call the doctor. "Get to the hospital, NOW!"
In the car. Why is the hospital so far away? Only 15 minutes. Drive faster, Mom. Pain...pain...pain...oh please, God, no. Help.
5:30am. We arrived at the hospital. They got me in a room. Fussing and fussing with equipment and monitors. They strapped round things to my belly and then I heard the most wonderful sound. Baby girls heartbeat. Strong and healthy. A quick examination, cervix is fully closed. Good. But I am still in full out real time labor. They gave me pills and a shot in my butt. They told me it would slow and hopefully stop the labor. Meanwhile, an ambulance from St. Mary's, an hour away, was coming to get me. They have better NICU equipment.
They moved me to a different room. Pain...Pain...PAIN! Holy pain! These were so much worse! I thought you said the medicine would slow the contractions, not make them worse!
Check the cervix. Still closed. Ten minutes pass. Check cervix again. Fully dilated. Wait. What? In ten minutes? What does that mean?
"I'm so sorry. This baby is coming now. We can't stop it."
No. No no no no. No please, God, anything but this. It's too soon. Too early. She's not ready. She can't survive yet.
Five more minutes. My water breaks. Gross. It felt like I peed myself. People standing around talking. Woah. WOAH! "I feel something!!" It felt like something solid and slimy was sliding down my inner tube. Come to think of it, that's kind of exactly what it was. My doctor hurried over to look. "Here she comes." I hear. One more contraction. Didn't even have to push. Plop. There she was.
10:25am. 1lb 4oz. 11 inches long. Arms waving. Mouth wide open, trying to scream. Then she was gone. They took her away. No, come back. Let me see her. Bring her back. No. They had to take her. They had to save her. She's alive. She's still alive. There is hope. They can save her.
Waiting. Waiting. I'm so tired. I think I passed out.
An hour passed before my doctor came back in. She told me they had done everything they could. As of right then, she was still alive. Tubes and wires were keeping her heart beating. But I had to make a choice. A terrible, terrible choice. They could keep working on her. Keep her alive. But she would have horrible health problems for all of her life. Probably brain damage. Her organs were damaged from lack of oxygen. Or, they could bring her in to me. Let me and my husband hold her for her last moments. Spend some time with her. What could I do? I could never condemn my precious daughter to a life of misery. I decided to have them bring her to me.
Oh, she was so beautiful. Emma Rose. That's what we named her. My sweet little Emma Rose. She looked so much like her daddy. Her eyes were still sealed shut. I don't know what color they were. She was the most beautiful little girl I have ever seen.
If you read this all the way to the end, thank you for listening to my tale. Over a month later and I can still hardly believe it happened. It's still surreal.
Take care of yourselves, ladies. And kiss your children for me.
Re: Warning: my story is a sad one.
I am so sorry for the loss of your little daughter!
Thank you for sharing your story with us!
CD 3, FSH of 15, E2 67, AMH 0.43, LH 6.2, normal HSG test
DH good count but low volume, 87% motility, 1% morphology
IUI#1 - Nov 2014, 100 mg clomid and HCG, 2 large follies 20 & 16mm (7 follies total). BFN
IVF# 1 Jan 2014, 225 Gonal F, 225 Menopur, Ganirelix, 4R/3M/1F w/ICSI - PUPO!
Emma Rose. Thoughts and prayers for your sweet family.