Big Brother

NanG234

My son is two, he has been a spoiled boy. He is a grand-baby and great grand-baby. Has been the center of attention since day one. He still sleeps in my bed and all. my other half and i told him he was gonna be a big brother. And i am afraid he isn't going to react well when his baby sister is born. He is spoiled and doesnt know how to share well at all. He talks to my belly and loves his sister so much already. But it scares me that he wants to lay on my belly to sleep, Because its his sister.. How do i make it easier for him to understand that he isnt the only baby anymore? But how do i do it and not upset his sensitiveness..? And how do i get him to be careful for my growing belly and the baby inside of it?

ashiscute

I would start by getting it out of your head that he is spoiled.  Positive attention does not mean your child is spoiled.  Spoiling a child means giving them whatever they want regardless of what is best for them.  Receiving attention or sleeping in your parents' bed is not that.  There are lots of parents that co-sleep.

You sound like you are describing  fairly typical 2 yo.  There isn't a way for him to understand that he isn't the baby anymore because for now he is still is.  Yes you tell him there is a baby in your belly but he can't understand that.  He wants to lay on your belly because he is used to that not because he wants to hurt his sister.  I would read him some books about being a big brother, make sure you point out babies you see when you're out and about.  Let him get involved in preparing for the new baby, etc.  There is no way to really prepare them for the change before it happens.  

My DD was 19.5 mos when DS was born and I was super scared that she would be so upset and jealous and she was fine.  Yes, she was a bit jealous and struggled sharing toys when DS got old enough to want her toys but really it was fine.  Also, most toddlers aren't great at sharing.  It's pretty normal.  

NanG234

He is absolutely spoiled. I hardly say no.. I am working on that. And he gets what he wants at the drop of a dime.
We have had him with his younger cousin who is 11mo and he refuses to even try to play nice or share. He is a little brute.

MommyAtty

I worried a lot about this. Mine are 21 months apart. You are going to have to socialize him. Library time, music classes, Mother's Day Out. He needs to get used to not being the only kid around and not immediately getting his way. This would be true whether or not you were having another child. I'm assuming you aren't going to homeschool him, so you need to do him the favor of teaching him patience, how to be a member of society, and how to be kind. Start by making him wait for things. You want a cookie? Mommy is busy, you're going to need to wait until I finish this. Also, encourage him to play by himself because he's going to need that skill when you're feeding, diapering, and generally caring for a new baby.

emberlee3

New baby or not, your child does need to learn basic life skills such as patience, kindness toward others, and good manners. Focus on those skills first. Try to avoid labeling your child as "spoiled" or "a brute." Kids internalize those labels and live up (or down) to them.

ashiscute

emberlee3 said:

New baby or not, your child does need to learn basic life skills such as patience, kindness toward others, and good manners. Focus on those skills first. Try to avoid labeling your child as "spoiled" or "a brute." Kids internalize those labels and live up (or down) to them.

This.  I'm so confused by your post.  Your child can't learn these lessons if you don't teach him.  Most 2 yo do not share.  We help them by showing them what it means to share, taking turns with them, and giving positive praise when they do.  You need to give him appropriate boundaries and positive examples of proper behavior.  

NanG234

Its more complicated then that. My son knew all of that before he was abandoned and kidnapped. He was well mannered and was amazing. Spoiled but amazing. Its not a matter of teaching him but reteaching him. I only just got him back when he was taken from me five months ago. I wasn't asking to be criticized or told "thats most two year olds". I have had to see the trauma my son faced so yes i do spoil him again, and yes i have to work on his manners. I was asking how to go about all of it without upsetting his sensitiveness. I didn't realize i would have to tell the world that his kidnapper traumatized him into his current ways. Or that his father abandoned him when he asked for temporary custody. Sorry i asked for advice, next time i will ask for opinions.

emberlee3

If your child was abandoned, kidnapped, or traumatized, then you need to get professional help. But I stand by my initial response because it is true for any parent and child.
I didn't say to stop spoiling him. I said to stop calling him "spoiled."