I need help (graphic/upsetting)

amiligrace

I'm not sure what to say. I am ten weeks pregnant. I walked into my home and found my husband attempting suicide. He is at the hospital now and tomorrow morning will be sent to a psychiatric ward. I am alone for the next 45 days. I'm not sure what advice to ask for. If anyone has anything helpful I would appreciate it.

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amiligrace

@mermomo5‌ He struggles with anxiety, but we've been proactive with his treatment. I am struggling a lot with worrying about me. I feel almost selfish. But I know that's what's best for the baby. Thank you for responding.

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amiligrace

@shmeell25‌ I don't have any family nearby, but luckily I have a great friend here. Our families are in California but we are stationed in South Carolina. I appreciate that you responded. I know it seems small, but every response helps. Thank you.

Morenajuliet

CAn you look up some sort of support hotline that can best direct you? THere has to be hotlines for family members dealing with this. I'm sorry you are going through this. Prayers mama.

amiligrace

@Morenajuliet‌ thank you for the advice. I hadn't thought about a support hotline. My brain is fuzzy right now. Thank you for responding. It means a lot.

marijaa333

I am deeply sorry you are going through this. I'm not sure if your husband is upset temporarily or if he is clinically depressed, but in any case, you will need a support network to get through this.

 

I would advise seeking professional counseling for yourself (with a good therapist, so you may have to interview 3-4 and choose the best one). It will help you understand what is going on with him and how to deal with him in the most supportive and productive way possible, and will also give you an outlet, someone to talk about your own struggles going through this. I would look for referrals tonight and start calling them first thing in the morning. If you can interview them in person, rather than on the phone, then all the better. Most will give you 20 minutes of their time for free and expect to be interviewed before you commit to seeing them only. You can ask about their methods, specialties, and interests, and, through that conversation, get a sense of their expertise and approach so you can decide who is the best fit for you.

Along the same lines, it is important for your husband to have access to expert professional help. The psychiatric ward may have some people on staff but if you have the means, it may be worth seeking extra assistance from someone who can devote more time to him.

It is important that your husband is in a safe place (such as a psychiatric ward) until he gets better, but it may take a while to fully recover. It can definitely be done, though, so do try to remain as optimistic as possible. A friend of mine attempted suicide multiple times 15 years ago and today she's able to talk about it in a strangely removed way; she is now far from suicidal and thanks her lucky stars that her attempts didn't work.

Do also try to eat healthily, get as much sleep as you can, and spend some time outdoors - these things may seem trivial in comparison to the crisis going on, but they can make a big difference in one's well being.

Finally, this website has lots of resources, including a guide for what to do after an attempt:

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/suicide-prevention/suicide-prevention-helping-someone-who-is-suicidal.htm

I wish you and the family the very best outcome out this difficult situation.

Poppy715

That must have been horrifying to walk into. I agree with the other ladies. He is getting the help he needs by professionals. The best thing you can do is take care if yourself and that little one. It must be really hard not having much family around or people to talk to. I would look into a support group or think about therapy. You'd be surprised how nice it is just to have someone to talk about your problems with. Take care if yourself the best you can. I won't begin to say that I understand depression. I do know its a hell of a way to live and so hard for everyone involved. Be there for your husband, support him the best you can. That's the best you can do. (((Hugs))) I'm so glad you got home when you did.

tinalovescauliflower

I'm so sorry.

Look up NAMI - it's the national association for mental illness (or something like that). Their website has great regional resources for support groups and hotlines, for patients suffering from mental illness as well as their loved ones.

amiligrace

@marijaa333‌ thank you for the link. I really appreciate your response. I am glad to hear that your friend survived. It gives me some much needed hope. @Poppy715 thank you for the kind words. I am thankful too that I came home before it was too late. I appreciate the hugs. @Smilz4782‌ thank you for bringing up the point about post partum. I will definitely take your advice, and the advice of the others, to seek a counselor. I am so thankful for your response.

lgsdesigner

All of the other ladies have given you great advice. I just want to let you know I am sorry to hear what you are going through. My thoughts are with you, and I hope your DH gets the help he needs. 

((hugs))

Courtney1741

I agree with the PPers. And I just wanted to let you know that you and your little one will be in my thoughts and prayers (as well as your husband). I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. ((Hugs)) please take care of yourself during this time when it is so easy to forget about your needs!

amiligrace

@irishtheatrechic‌ thank you for the great insight. The support here is so wonderful. You are right about my emotions. I've felt every single one you mentioned. I appreciate your helpful advice. @tinalovescauliflower‌ thank you for suggesting the website. I will look at it tonight. It's great to know there is help. @scatteredtrees‌ thank you for responding. It means a lot to me! @lgsdesigner‌ your kind words mean so much to me. Thank you for being so supportive.

amiligrace

@Courtney1741‌ thank you so much for being so kind. It's wonderful to know I can find support in people who don't even know me. Just that you all are so thoughtful.

littlecookie

Just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you. That had to have been so scary.

amiligrace

@littlecookie‌ thank you for responding. I don't know how to describe how afraid I felt today. Honestly this forum is currently helping so much. I appreciate it.

Poppy715

Knottie45941564 said:

@littlecookie‌ thank you for responding. I don't know how to describe how afraid I felt today. Honestly this forum is currently helping so much. I appreciate it.

I'm so glad that during such a scary time you can find comfort in words from strangers. We are here if you need to talk or vent more. I really can't imagine what you are going through and I want you to feel supported and loved.
>:D<

marijaa333

"With treatment [which can often include antidepressant drugs at least in the short to medium term], the majority of patients with major severe depression recover."

https://www.mentalhealth.com/rx/p23-md01.html

Hang in there. You will be OK. Take it one day at a time. I hope you can get some sleep tonight, knowing he is safe.

Sunshine4020

So so sorry!! Positive vibes being sent your way.

katietopaz

I can't imagine how you're feeling right now. I don't have anything to add to what the previous posters have mentioned as far as support group and resources, but I just wanted to express my support and send some thoughts and prayers your way. Take care of yourself during this difficult time, too.

amiligrace

@Poppy715‌ it's really great to get advice and support just from kind people. I'm worried that this stress is hurting my baby. I spoke to my mother in law and she suggested that I somehow pushed him over the edge and that we should have waited to have a baby. Not what I needed to hear. @marijaa333‌ I appreciate your link. I really needed to know that this can have a successful outcome, and you helped me realize that. Working on the sleep, but it seems impossible right now.

craftylady29

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Everyone has good advice here. It's hard to see someone you love in a state like that. I hope he is open to help and can work on recovering. Focus on staying healthy physically and emotionally yourself.

amiligrace

@Sunshine4020‌ thank you so much for being nice to me. I appreciate the positive vibes! @katietopaz‌ thanks for the reminder to take care of myself. Your support is so appreciated.

Jenarena

A bunch of love and hugs. I agree with PP take care of you and baby. And please know that you didn't do anything to push him over the edge. He needs some help and now he's getting it. :x

amiligrace

@sunshinedaisies000‌ thanks for the insight. Sorry about your family members. It's a helpless feeling being on the other side, and so tough to see loved ones in pain. I will definitely look for help for myself too. @craftylady29‌ so nice of you to respond. I am hoping he is ready to recover too. Thank you for the kind words. @Jenarena‌ thank you for the reassurance. I've had a lot of mixed emotions tonight and I'm trying to keep the guilt under control. Love and hugs are appreciated so much!

Kitten80

I agree with above advice, but wanted to send you another warm thought. I know how hard it is to live with someone who suffers mental illness. It can be such a frustrating process for all involved. I would also suggest finding support group + counseling as it is often a process rather than a straight approach with linear improvement. It may take awhile to find the correct treatment combination. It may be helpful to start a journal as an outlet for your feelings since you are away from family and he will be in patient for awhile. Best wishes during this time. I also agree with remembering to take vitamins, eat well, get outside and I would suggest a daily walk or exercise.

amiligrace

@kitten80 thank you for the journal idea. I have so many thoughts to gather. It was nice of you to respond. I will make sure I don't slack on my food and exercise.

Poppy715

It sounds like you MIL is a real piece of work. I'm sure she is scared too but that's no reason for her to try and put blame on you. You are not to blame in this situation. Please don't put this all on your shoulders. You don't need hurtful comments like that right now. I'm sure you are going through a huge range of emotions and feelings. Try and process them the best you can. If you have to speak with her again tell her to keep her opinions on the matter to herself. She's not helping anything by trying to place blame.

amiligrace

Thank you @Poppy715‌ I feel the same way. Her comments hurt pretty badly, but I'm trying to just ignore her opinions the best I can. I guess I expected support instead of blame.

supersarah77

Wow, what a horrifying scene to walk into. I can only imagine how shocked and afraid and overwhelmed you must feel right now.

Agree with making sure you keep up with the basics: showering, bedtimes and awake times, eating healthfully, leaving the house at least once a day. Taking care of the basics will help you cope with this crisis. The stress isn't likely to harm baby. Women with husbands at war have healthy babies.

Your husband is safe now. Often psych units have groups or other support for family members. You might inquire. Otherwise, as PPs said, a counselor would be super helpful to process this with and provide trained support.

Thinking of you and your little bean.

amiligrace

@supersarah77‌ thank you for the reassurance about the stress. And I appreciate your advice about keeping up with the basics. It all seems so tedious right now to do those things, but you are right about it helping me. Thank you so much for your thoughtful words.

Pintobean39

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

My son that is almost 16 suffers from anxiety disorder and had to be hospitalized last year for a week for suicidal thoughts and panic attacks. He's also been struggling with depression this year. It's really hard to watch someone you love struggle with things we don't seem to be bothered with. I highly recommend a good therapist for you also to help deal with everything and learn how to help him.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel, it just doesn't seem like that right now.

thisbabysactingfresh

@Knottie45941564 I cannot even begin to imagine what you are thinking and feeling right now. The additional horror of what your mother in law is placing on your shoulders is more than anyone person should have to deal with. But please know that there are many people, strangers, friends and family that are rooting for you, your baby and your family's success through this. Unfortunately the only person's behavior you can control is your own, so nothing your husband has done or tried to do is because of you or your child. If you can, try a little at a time to refocus on this baby. Journal for yourself and possible write a journal to your child. These thoughts you're having will swirl in your mind and overwhelm you at times, or maybe even all the time... and thats ok. Getting them out on paper starts the process of getting them out of your head. Make a point of taking even the smallest time everyday to do something that makes you feel good, physically, mentally or some combination of the both. It may take time to feel moments of happiness but cherish the ones you do and never feel guilty for that. 

Please know that I am thinking about you & you and your family are on my mind. If you ever want to reach out I am here. I will give you my email in a heartbeat and we can talk about nothing or everything. Sending peace and love and everything in between. 

*edited to put in the words that baby brain left out. xo

jenari2013

I'm so sorry for you and your family to be going through something so difficult! I have no advice but just wanted to add my warm thoughts to those already here. Your MIL is obviously upset and looking for someone/thing to blame in a scary situation. Don't take it to heart. Once your husband gets through this darkness it'll be the baby that brings him so much joy.

amiligrace

@twaffle5‌ @linegirl313‌ thank you so much for your kind words. I appreciate that you responded. It's a relief just to read something nice right now.

amiligrace

@maggiet19‌ thank you for the thoughts and prayers, and the reassurance that it's not my fault or the baby's fault. I am trying to see my mother in laws comments for what they are, but it's nice to know that I'm not the only one who feels her comments were wrong. @pintobean2015‌ I'm sorry your son is hurting. I'm glad he has you to be there for him. It's overwhelming and I feel helpless. I appreciate your kind words. @mayflowers35‌ yes he is on anxiety medication. He is seeing a psychiatrist. Thank you for responding. It means a lot. @thisbabysactingfresh‌ thank you so much for reaching out. I may take you up on your email offer once everything is settled. The journal idea is a great one, and it feels good to be reassured that this isn't my fault. Everyone here is so kind. It's been hard to talk to people in my life, because it's too emotional right now. This forum is my saving grace.

oregonhill

Knottie45941564, sending you lots of love from VA. I've experienced something similar with my better half, and it was hard enough to process when it was just the two of us to think of. Your MIL is lashing out because she's scared. People are at their worst when they are afraid. What she said was absurd and toxic. You are handling this with strength and grace and you will get through it. PPs have suggested a number of solid ideas. I would just say that, having been in similar circumstances, know that just because this is where you are right now doesn't mean it's necessarily how things are going to be. You are not alone. And although this experience was traumatic, he is closer to getting the help he needs. Hold on to hope. And breathe. Huge bear hugs to you and LO.

queenhoneybee

@Knottie45941564‌ I'm so sorry to read that you witnessed such a frightening and tragic event. To make matters worse your MIL words were very cruel, but sometimes when people are scared they need to shift the blame on someone else. Sounds like this has been brewing for a long time and really isn't your fault. Hoping your husband is open to the help that is being offered and they find the right mix of therapy and meds to assist and help him sort and work through his issues. Please find time to take care of yourself and your baby and know that you are in our thoughts. (((HUGS)))

gauxie

I'm a clinical social worker and have a lot of experience working with individuals and families who have a loved one with mental illness. You will need someone to talk with about your feelings. Do not be surprised if marital or family therapy is suggested. Be prepaired to participate in meetings at the hospital about what has been going on with your husband (feelings, stress, worries, anxiety), planning for his discharge and planning for his safety when he returns home. You or someone who you trust can help you with the advisement to secure all weapons, medications, and sharp objects. You said your husband is stationed in South Carolina? I am assuming he in in the military. The VA and DOD have a lot of services in place to keep members of the military safe. Your husband will likely have to go to weekly therapy and meet with a psychiatrist once a month at discharge. Group therapy, for him, can be helpful as well since he can learn and hear about others who may be feeling the same way. I would encourage you to join a NAMI group, national alliance on mental illness. They often have a number of information groups and caregiver support groups. Here is information for the VA crisis line: https://veteranscrisisline.net Feel free to PM me if you have any specific questions.

CoPilot2012

((Hugs))