Is this a friend I should let go of?

Jae179Jae179 member
edited October 2014 in Parenting

Hi everyone

Can I get some brutally honest opinions please? This is long and gunna sound like a lot of drama- please bear with me- but I'm wondering if this friendship is dead and I should let it go.

A few years ago before I became a parent my good friend Meg had a baby. I went to her baby shower and visited her baby after she was born.

When I became pregnant, all Meg did was send me a congratulations card. She never asked how things were going etc.

She confided in me a few months later that for about 18 months after the birth of her child she had severe post partum mental health issues that were now under control with medication. I told her I was here if she ever needed to talk. A few days later she texted me she was having some family issues and I responded via text "poor you. Lame drama just seems so attracted to you". She asked what I meant by that and I assured her I meant nothing bad.

So I didn't hear from her for months except for being mailed baby gifts. I then had her invited to my baby shower. When she received the invitation she emailed me and said she was surprised I wanted her there, that she immediately regretted telling me about her PPD and that it is not "lame drama". I responded that I couldn't believe that's what I was hearing from her about, pulled up text messages proving that I was referring to her family issues and not her PPD (it had been a few days after she mentioned having PPD that I made that comment) and that I had done nothing but support her and her family and that she should have told me she had an issue with what I said sooner. She apologized if she hurt my feelings over the misunderstanding but had felt I was referring to her life in general, and that included her mental health struggles.

Fast forward a month and she comes to my baby shower and brings another gift. She drove an hour and a half each way to come but only stayed an hour and a half before sneaking off without saying anything. When I texted her about it she said she had to get home to her child because her husband had to work and didn't want to make a scene.

I did not send her a thank you card for the gifts she mailed me while I was pregnant or for coming to my shower, but I did text her thanks.

I also did not personally tell her I had the baby, I did a general FB status update so she found out that way. She sent me a congratulations card and that was it. I have not heard from her otherwise, she has not offered to come and meet my baby or anything. She also deactivated her FB account.

My questions are: Did I do anything wrong in this? Was I being a bad friend at all or was she? Is this a friendship I should just let go of? Am I being unreasonable about anything here or is she?

I'd love all honest thoughts and opinions please and thank you- I can take it! Lol! Thanks so much everyone

Re: Is this a friend I should let go of?

  • thanks for your opinions everyone. That certainly wasn't my intent.
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  • thanks everyone. You've all been very helpful
    [Deleted User]
  • I have to say that the op is taking this very well.
    I agree with everyone that I think in all of this you truly are in the wrong. Hopefully you will try to make it right. Your drama comment was out of line.
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  • I agree with everyone else. You are the bad friend. I hope that you take this advice and either try to make it work with this friend if you want. Maybe subconsciously you were over this friendship already and maybe for reason so you said those things, but it was so wrong of you to say.  


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  • +1 to what everyone else already said.

    You're a shitty friend.
    [Deleted User]
  • I'm pretty sure this is MUD. OP posted a very similar story on The Nest about another friend who was very nice to her and the OP told her the same thing. The details were slightly different but essentially the same story. OP posted another story about ignoring and not caring to be nice to her brother's GF and she didn't know why the GF was hurt. The others called her out on it.
  • Jae179Jae179 member
    edited October 2014
    what an odd ask if I am my friend lol. I am asking the questions in the OP because I sincerely wanted to check this situation and my feelings of sadness and disappointment with others who don't know me and can give me an objective and honest stance
  • it is a painful situation I wanted objective and honest feedback on
  • Bless your heart, you can't see who the real bad friend is in this situation.

    Try pulling your head out of your tail and be just a bit more respectful of people you call friends. "Poor you" is your response to your "friend" that went through PPD and more family drama. That text would've ended the friendship in my book.
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    Mackalien13angelashly[Deleted User]
  • I agree with everything everyone else has said but wanted to chime in and say that I think people who act like this really don't see themselves objectively, so I can see that they would post a question like this.  Although the "thanks for the advice" seems off for someone like this. 

    The OP is exactly like someone I used to be friends with, who kept asking me to do stuff with/for her while my mother had a serious medical condition that was very stressful for our family, so I distanced myself, years later she apologized by saying "I know I was a bad friend and wasn't there for you, but really what could I have done".  My former friend really didn't see how that was crappy, just like the OP. 
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  • I am probably late but I will contribute. Have you tried calling her, emailing her or trying to reach out to her in some way? Its without a doubt that you hurt her feelings but she still tried being there for you.

    Could it be that she came to your baby shower maybe expecting an apology from you but didn't get one. This also could be the reason she left so quickly without saying goodbye.

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