Is it possible to be addicted to TTC?

O2girl

honestly I think I might be. 8dp5dt and all BFNs on HPTs; and I find myself torn in two. The sadness of yet another failed cycle is probably driving my cuckoo, but all week I have thought about ending the madness and jumping off the TTC train. Yet, this morning as I stared at another negative FRER I came to the conclusion that I want to move forward again with Lupron for another transfer hopefully in January. WTF? Really? Why? Am I fucking crazy? Or am I a gluten for punishment? It's like I just can't stop. Almost as if I need this craziness in order to feel in control..... When in reality isn't it control to make the decision to stop the madness? I am seriously pumped full of hormones so maybe that is the reason for the crazy right now? Ugh!

StephieMK

I'm obsessed too. Pregnancy has always been something I've wanted to experience and a mother, I've always wanted to be! I'm the kind of person that doesn't like giving up! When I see and hear about terrible people having kids, it fuels that fire even more because, "why them and not me??"! So no, I don't think your crazy, but that might mean I'm crazy too!

(((Hugs)))

O2girl

StephieMK said:

I'm obsessed too. Pregnancy has always been something I've wanted to experience and a mother, I've always wanted to be! I'm the kind of person that doesn't like giving up! When I see and hear about terrible people having kids, it fuels that fire even more because, "why them and not me??"! So no, I don't think your crazy, but that might mean I'm crazy too!




(((Hugs)))

I guess we can be cray cray together
Thank you for letting me know I'm not alone.

[Deleted User]

I don't think you are crazy either...I think my DH may think I'm nuts.  I'd be willing to do my next IVF cycle next month but he thinks my body needs a rest and I know he's right.   I just want to do everything in my power to be pregnant, even if it's exhausted physically and emotionally.  So I totally get where you are coming from.   (((((HUGS)))

O2girl

26summer said:

I don't think you are crazy either...I think my DH may think I'm nuts.  I'd be willing to do my next IVF cycle next month but he thinks my body needs a rest and I know he's right.   I just want to do everything in my power to be pregnant, even if it's exhausted physically and emotionally.  So I totally get where you are coming from.   (((((HUGS)))

Hmm my DH is the opposite......I think he would try it again tomorrow if we could.

jjbmstinco

I don't think you are crazy. I think you are addicted to the change of something positive that could happen for you.  I see that as hopeful! You are very strong!

ellebelle2384

Not crazy at all.  Big hugs!

LizBlue

Not crazy.  My first thought was, "Hey, Implant 'em if you've got 'em."  I don't mean to sound glib, though - it's my dark humor defense mechanism.    In all seriousness, on our last FET, I said outloud to my H that I didn't even want to go through with it because I was so afraid of it not working.  But then I realized how full of crap I really was.  I was so happy to have that next chance to try again.

Whatever you decide, we're all here for you.  hugs.

MSU_Girl1202

Hi lady...I am so so sorry for the BFNs. It's so unfair.
I know exactly what you mean by moving forward even though there's a very real possibility of it leading to heartbreak. Last week, when my RE passed by me when I was getting my beta drawn, he said something like "I guess that embryo just wasn't strong enough", and I know they used my best one, so to me, that automatically meant I want another fresh cycle. I brought this up to MH who thought I completely lost my mind since the OHSS from my last fresh cycle could have killed me if he hadn't dragged me in to the hospital.
I feel like with things we're so passionate about, it's hard to think clearly and logically. It's so easy to forget how much we've been through when there's the tiniest glimmer of hope in the future.

And on a completely different note, if I can dig myself out of this sadness and agree to cycle again soon, my next transfer would probably be in January as well, so we'll be sort-of cycle buddies again!

Frenchteachermama

((hugs)) love.  You're not crazy, you're just not ready to give up yet.  I'm here for you.

BookishMomma

Not crazy. I know that if I'm lucky enough to get KU again, there is a sizeable chance I'll have another loss... Yet my heart is not yet willing to stop trying.

O2girl

MSU_Girl1202 said:

Hi lady...I am so so sorry for the BFNs. It's so unfair.
I know exactly what you mean by moving forward even though there's a very real possibility of it leading to heartbreak. Last week, when my RE passed by me when I was getting my beta drawn, he said something like "I guess that embryo just wasn't strong enough", and I know they used my best one, so to me, that automatically meant I want another fresh cycle. I brought this up to MH who thought I completely lost my mind since the OHSS from my last fresh cycle could have killed me if he hadn't dragged me in to the hospital.
I feel like with things we're so passionate about, it's hard to think clearly and logically. It's so easy to forget how much we've been through when there's the tiniest glimmer of hope in the future.

And on a completely different note, if I can dig myself out of this sadness and agree to cycle again soon, my next transfer would probably be in January as well, so we'll be sort-of cycle buddies again!

Ugh! I had a dream last night that my re told me at our WTF appt we need to do another round of IVF to get better embies. It kills me because we used all of our "good" ones in the first 2 cycles. I now am actually considering doing another round of IVF......I just have to wait until my WTF to see what my RE says.

Xo

O2girl

LizBlue said:

Not crazy.  My first thought was, "Hey, Implant 'em if you've got 'em."  I don't mean to sound glib, though - it's my dark humor defense mechanism.    In all seriousness, on our last FET, I said outloud to my H that I didn't even want to go through with it because I was so afraid of it not working.  But then I realized how full of crap I really was.  I was so happy to have that next chance to try again.

Whatever you decide, we're all here for you.  hugs.

This is exactly what I told MH this cycle too! I was terrified to do this cycle because I was convinced it wasn't going to work......and it didn't