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Need to vent and advice- BFN- (CHILD MENTIONED-not mine)

Hey ladies,

First Clomid cycle and it is CD29 today and took a Dollar Store test and it is Negative. The brown spotting I had this past week has seemed to have stopped (sorry if TMI). On CD20 my progesterone level was 4.5 so they don't think I have ovulated but I wasn't monitored this cycle. I have been super depressed all day. Haven't seen the husband since around 3:30pm yesterday because he is the best man for a wedding that he is in today (Saturday) and after the rehearsal dinner he took the groom and friends out for the bachelor party as the DD.... to a strip club no less at the groom's request..... I completely trust my husband and have complete faith in him. I just don't even like the idea of my husband LOOKING at another woman while she is being provocative.... I have really been thinking our relationship over lately. I feel as though I am not good enough for him. I have gained probably 50# since we met and no longer look like the young attractive girl he fell in love with..... having some insecurities. I can't even give him a child, something we talked about wanting years before we got married. I'm starting to think I might be holding him back.... he had no trouble accidentally getting my SD's mom pregnant 5 years ago after only being together for 2 months..... just not being able to think/focus right now.... really worried that I'm not good for him.......... :-S

**************************SIGGY WARNING********************************

Dx: PCOS (January 2014)

Dx: Hashimoto's [Thyroid] Disease (January 2014)

Dx: GERD (August 2014)


Treatments/Medicines:

Metformin (since 1/2014) 1500Mg/day
Synthroid (since 1/2014) 50Mcg/day
Omeprazole (since 8/2014) 40Mg/day
Prenatal Vitamins (per OBGYN- 9/2014) 1/day

First Round of Clomid (begining 9/13/14)
Progesterone Level Day 20 Results: 4.5


Mom to 3 Furbabies and I have a 5 year old Step-Daughter

 

 

 

 

 

   

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

Re: Need to vent and advice- BFN- (CHILD MENTIONED-not mine)

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    ShaunteeShauntee member
    edited October 2014
    I am so sorry you feel this way. I know I have had moments where I have felt like this as well. That is one of the worst parts of IF, it can make you feel like less of a woman, even though it is not true. Partake in a little wine or I guess Mimosas, since it is Saturday morning and remember that you shouldn't put yourself down for a medical issue. Sending hugs your way.
    Me-33 DH-36.
    Married 11/10 TTC 11/10
    06/11- diagnosed with PCOS 
    7/11- D&C and benched for a year 
    9/12-4/13-6 rounds of 50 mg Clomid- no sucess 
    6/13- new doc
    7/13-4/14- 6 more rounds of Clomid. 50 mg and then stepped up to 100mg- no success 
    5/14-7/14- took break waiting for new insurance 
    7/14-new insurance= new doc- actually a RE!!!! 
    7/14-HSG and blood test good-PCOS confirmed by new doc 
    10/14 looking forward to 1st IUI w/ Menopur. Blood Test= Negative
    11/14- IUI #2
    w/ Menopur- Blood Test= Negative
    1/15- IUI # 3 w/
    Menopur- Blood Test= Negative
    2/15- Self Benched this cycle
    3/15/15-Suprise BFP on natural cycle!!!! EDD-11/16/15

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    I can totally relate to how you are feeling.  I was diagnosed with cancer at the young age of 19 when me and my now husband had only been dating for a few months.. obviously he stayed with me and we got married a month after I was cancer free.  After that I thought that I was such a burden to him as I had gained a ton of steroid weight, was constantly sick, couldn't work, it was terrible. Then all the side effects from chemo started.. three surgeries and a ton of issues and doctors later we finally start to feel like a normal couple and find out the cancer and treatment made me infertile.  I feel like I am holding my husband back from what he deserves.  I rarely tell him how I am feeling about this subject, but here recently I seriously lost it and cried and said everything I was feeling. His response was everything I needed to hear.  My suggestion to you is to talk to him!!
    Married: 12/15/2012    TTC: 08/2014
    Husband: 26 SA: normal
    Me: 23 Low AMH and damaged ovaries due to chemotherapy.
    No AF or O in 3 years. HSG showed a slight T shaped uterus.

    High Risk OB 9/29- got the ok to get pregnant.
    RE Appt:  10/28/ U/S showed follicles, but also small damaged ovaries.
    B/W results CD0: all normal except low AMH at 1.3
    Cycle 1-November (TI)- Femera 2.5mg, 2mg Estradoil, and Trigger=BFN
    Cycle 2-December (TI)- Femera 2.5 mg ,4mg Estradoil, and Trigger= No O
    Cycle 3-January (TI)- Femera 5 mg, 2mg Estra
    doil, and Trigger=


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    sending you big hugs.  You are not alone in how you feel.  Infertility does all kinds of awful things to our brains.  I have told my DH many times that I feel like I'm a failure to him.  As for the weight gain, man do I relate.  I weighed in at about 165lbs when I met my hubby.  After I lost my Mom to cancer, I blew up to 220lbs from depression.  As unattractive as I feel, I've learned something from it.  If he's the right guy, he's going to love you no matter what.  And when you finally get that BFP, He is going to be in awww of the strength you showed through it all.   
    Siggie Warning, BFP/Loss mentioned



    Me 31
        DH 35
    Married since 4/16/11
    NTNP since 2008
    Actively TTC # 1 since 4/16/2011

    Sept 2012- Change Gyn after 3 yrs with no Diagnosis
    Oct 2012- Dx PCOS

    April 2013- 50mg Clomid.....BFN
    May 2013- Referred to RE
    Sept 2013- Clomid 50mg (no response), 100mg (2 mature follies), Trigger, TI.....BFN
    Oct 2013- Clomid 100mg, 2 Mature follies, Trigger, TI....BFN

    Nov 2013- Break to discuss IUI and other options
    Dec 2013- Clomid 100mg, Brevelle 75iu (CD 9,11,13-15) 112iu (CD 16-21) 150iu (CD 22-24)
    2 Follies vanished, Cycle scratched
    Jan 2014- Provera, awaiting AF
    Feb-Mar 2014- Gonal F 150iu (CD 3-9) 187.5iu (CD 10-12) 225iu (CD 13-22), 3 Follies, Trigger, IUI....BFN
    April 2014-Gonal F 225iu (CD 3-17), 1 Follie Trigger, IUI....BFP!!  Ectopic :*(
    Break after Ectopic May-Aug 2013

    Sept 2014- Fermera (CD 3-7), Pregnitude, 1 Follie, Trigger, IUI...BFN
    Oct 2014-
    Fermera (CD 3-7), Pregnitude, 2 Follies, Trigger, IUI...BFP!!!
                 Beta #1: 144   Beta #2: 365    Beta #3: 1278     Miscarriage @ 6wks

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    Ladies, THANK YOU.

    Thank you SO MUCH for your thoughts and encouragement. DH and I did get to talk.... and cry about everything. Have to say, we are at a MUCH better place in our relationship. Thank you again ladies. It is nice to have such amazing people for support. XOXOXO

    **************************SIGGY WARNING********************************

    Dx: PCOS (January 2014)

    Dx: Hashimoto's [Thyroid] Disease (January 2014)

    Dx: GERD (August 2014)


    Treatments/Medicines:

    Metformin (since 1/2014) 1500Mg/day
    Synthroid (since 1/2014) 50Mcg/day
    Omeprazole (since 8/2014) 40Mg/day
    Prenatal Vitamins (per OBGYN- 9/2014) 1/day

    First Round of Clomid (begining 9/13/14)
    Progesterone Level Day 20 Results: 4.5


    Mom to 3 Furbabies and I have a 5 year old Step-Daughter

     

     

     

     

     

       

     

     

     

     

     

      

     

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