Need to vent and advice- BFN- (CHILD MENTIONED-not mine)

dogshowgirl

Hey ladies,

First Clomid cycle and it is CD29 today and took a Dollar Store test and it is Negative. The brown spotting I had this past week has seemed to have stopped (sorry if TMI). On CD20 my progesterone level was 4.5 so they don't think I have ovulated but I wasn't monitored this cycle. I have been super depressed all day. Haven't seen the husband since around 3:30pm yesterday because he is the best man for a wedding that he is in today (Saturday) and after the rehearsal dinner he took the groom and friends out for the bachelor party as the DD.... to a strip club no less at the groom's request..... I completely trust my husband and have complete faith in him. I just don't even like the idea of my husband LOOKING at another woman while she is being provocative.... I have really been thinking our relationship over lately. I feel as though I am not good enough for him. I have gained probably 50# since we met and no longer look like the young attractive girl he fell in love with..... having some insecurities. I can't even give him a child, something we talked about wanting years before we got married. I'm starting to think I might be holding him back.... he had no trouble accidentally getting my SD's mom pregnant 5 years ago after only being together for 2 months..... just not being able to think/focus right now.... really worried that I'm not good for him.......... :-S

Shauntee

I am so sorry you feel this way. I know I have had moments where I have felt like this as well. That is one of the worst parts of IF, it can make you feel like less of a woman, even though it is not true. Partake in a little wine or I guess Mimosas, since it is Saturday morning and remember that you shouldn't put yourself down for a medical issue. Sending hugs your way.

SND1231

I can totally relate to how you are feeling.  I was diagnosed with cancer at the young age of 19 when me and my now husband had only been dating for a few months.. obviously he stayed with me and we got married a month after I was cancer free.  After that I thought that I was such a burden to him as I had gained a ton of steroid weight, was constantly sick, couldn't work, it was terrible. Then all the side effects from chemo started.. three surgeries and a ton of issues and doctors later we finally start to feel like a normal couple and find out the cancer and treatment made me infertile.  I feel like I am holding my husband back from what he deserves.  I rarely tell him how I am feeling about this subject, but here recently I seriously lost it and cried and said everything I was feeling. His response was everything I needed to hear.  My suggestion to you is to talk to him!!

kallygirlie

sending you big hugs.  You are not alone in how you feel.  Infertility does all kinds of awful things to our brains.  I have told my DH many times that I feel like I'm a failure to him.  As for the weight gain, man do I relate.  I weighed in at about 165lbs when I met my hubby.  After I lost my Mom to cancer, I blew up to 220lbs from depression.  As unattractive as I feel, I've learned something from it.  If he's the right guy, he's going to love you no matter what.  And when you finally get that BFP, He is going to be in awww of the strength you showed through it all.   

dogshowgirl

Ladies, THANK YOU.

Thank you SO MUCH for your thoughts and encouragement. DH and I did get to talk.... and cry about everything. Have to say, we are at a MUCH better place in our relationship. Thank you again ladies. It is nice to have such amazing people for support. XOXOXO