Update

JoJoGee

So, about 3 months ago I posted asking for any advice as our 15 year old niece (RAD, ODD, and another I am forgetting) was going to move in with us.  So, here's the quick update for anyone who might be interested...

DN's therapist says she is the most stable she has ever seen her.  And, indeed, at home, things are pretty good most of the time (discipline continues to be a struggle, but less and less so).  However, DN continues to self-sabotage at school and with her friends.  As a result, she is now at the alternative school and failing 2 classes.  DH and I continue with the mantra "This is her life, we cannot live it for her.  All we can do if try and provide guidance, support her in any positive endeavors, and provide a soft landing when she falls."

Meanwhile, mom and step-dad are not happy with us or her placement here.  They feel we are too soft on her and they don't fell like we are communicating enough.  Mom and DN continue to fight and mom doesn't understand why their relationship hasn't repaired itself (as if living with us was supposed to magically make them best buddies).  It is getting so bad, DN therapist is now suggesting we limit the contact DN has with mom (DN therapist has also suggested mom and step-dad may be upset with us because DN is doing better in our care than in theirs).  In any case, mom and Step-dad want to treat this like a divorced household, where we all co-parent.  But, DH and I see this as more of a foster care situation.  So, there is a lot of unresolved friction and frustration.

On top of all of this, our daughter's nurse of 3.5 years quit about a month after DN moved in because he was uncomfortable working in a house with a teenage girl.  In the long run, I believe it will be a blessing in disguise, but it means we haven't had consistent childcare for our daughter for at least a month now.  With both DH and I working full time, this has made things even trickier.

Coming up, we have a custody hearing on November 13, and we have subpoenaed both the therapist and the former JFS case worker.  We'll just see what happens. 

ToastieSimons

How is Miss L doing Trach Free? 

I'm so glad it sounds as if your DN is doing well.  It seems she needs a firm hand in parenting.  I hope you can come to some agreement with her mom and have some peace with that.

JoJoGee

@ToastieSimons, L is doing great!  We have weathered several colds this year, with no hospital visits.  And, her language seems to be improving exponentially.  She is using simple 2-3 word sentences, and even some phrases that are 4 words long (i.e. 'Happy Birthday to you.').  Her voice is still soft, so we are probably going to explore voice therapy when she turns 4 (we're told there isn't much use to doing voice therapy before that age).  She also has some pronunciation issues (dropping some consonant sounds, switching L and Y), but for coming up on 1 year post-op, I'm really happy.  

Thanks!  How are the boys?

ToastieSimons

@JoJoGee

The boys are doing great.  DS1 is in full day preschool now and walking everywhere.  DS2 is about to go for Botox and hopefully we can get him walking with at least a walker soon.  No communication at all yet though for either.

So glad to hear you guys are doing well and that L has avoided any hospital stays!