IVF Veteran Group idea

Justone13

Hey ladies!! So I wanted to start a convo with you all in reference to starting a group for the ivf veterans. @Carol77B‌ had mentioned starting a group on the hanging onto a dream group.

We would like to do a checkin twice a week for ladies who have done more than 1 ivf cycle and are actively cycling. If they are in-between cycles they can join the Hanging onto a Dream. If you want to join the veterans group along with the monthly group then have at it.

The whole point is at times it's hard to remain chipper and keep a sunshiny attitude with the multiple cycles we have done or losses we have suffered. Having the newbies, as much as we love their positivity, sometimes it's a hard pill to swallow.

Anyway @Carol77B‌ and I are willing to head up the checkins. Please let us know who's interested and if we have any good names out there. Some that were thought of were "been there done that" "super IVFer's" or "super infertile". And of course we will need a badge.

Let us know your thoughts!

pblge

****Lurking*****
I'm interested in this conversation because I would have loved a group like this. There are two problems with the way the IVF board currently operates that would make this group useful. First, they want people who have been on this board for six months, regardless of how long they've been struggling with IF. I didn't join this forum until IVF #1 had miscarried, so this was hard for me. I think lots of people join up after they've been through the wringer for a while. Second, they discourage people from joining the board right before they start a cycle. Both of these things make sense to me from what the IFV board is trying to accomplish, but it leaves some people out in the cold. I didn't join a cycle group for my last FET because the one running was almost exclusively first time IVF ladies, and their enthusiasm and optimism was just too much for me.

It is weird, as the IFV board would be perfect for some people, but others to whom the term "veterans" definitely applies are not welcome. As I said, I'm not complaining about how they've structured the board, I'm just pointing out who gets excluded. Hope that makes sense.

Twinkie0612

NariaDreaming said:

I don't mean to speak out of school here, but isn't that why the IF Veterans board exists?  This is what their board header says: 


"Regardless of where you are in your journey, IF Veterans is a forum for those with an active (6 month+) history on the IF board and an established connection to the IF community (IF, PAIF, and SAIF). Support, compassion, and humor encouraged. This board deals with the emotional aspects of an extended IF history. Visit Infertility for general information and questions" 

I post on IFV and there are some general guidelines to posting there.  First, you must have a 6+ history on the IF board, so if you did 2 cycles back to back you could have multiple failed cycles and not meet the history requirement for IFV.  Also IFV asks that people not intro if they are currently cycling (this is to avoid drive by members, even if it is an unintentional drive by).  So if you have failed a couple of cycles and are going straight into another cycle, you really shouldn't intro there.  I thought about introing on IFV after IVF #3 failed, but we ended up going straight into a donor embryo cycle, I did intro after that cycle failed and we were benched waiting for testing with Dr. KK.

I think it's a great idea to have an experienced IVF check-in, just because there are some unique emotions that you deal with cycling after a failed cycle (or a few failed cycles) and sometimes it can be hard to join cycle groups and feel like you are constantly left behind, or to feel like you are the debbie downer because you just don't have the same optimistic attitude that you had during your first IVF cycle.

I do encourage people with failed cycles to participate in the monthly check-in groups as well, if you can.  Having been through IVF, you have a lot experience that could help others who are doing their first IVF.  I know I learned a lot from others in my cycle group check-ins and I do enjoy passing on the knowledge that I have gained from 4 IVF/FET cycles. 

emmuffy

Twinkie0612  above, I like the idea of a check in for those who have already been through IVF.

Justone13

Hey ladies so sorry for taking some time to get back to you all! I came in late from work last night and am working the night shift again tonight. Sleeping the day away

@NariaDreaming‌ Hey lady!! Yes that is exactly what I thought the ifv group was too. But as the other ladies already pointed out we would be excluded again. They don't really want anyone who is actively cycling which bumps me out and back with the newbies.

@pblge‌ hey chick hey!!! Missing you over here! Yes I think it would create a safe place for ladies that have been through it before and just lost the sunshine and rainbows.

Thanks for the support for this group. Anyone else want to voice their thoughts?

StacyLH24

I'm not actively cycling again yet, and most likely won't until January, but I would definitely like to be involved in a thread like this when I'm back in the game. I initially joined the September Sweet Peas for my FET cycle, but I just couldn't participate so I bowed out. I was coming off of my first failed IVF cycle and I agree with PPs, I couldn't handle the optimism of folks new to the IVF game. I totally get it, because I also had that optimism. I'm not there anymore though.

Carol77B

Speaking for myself, I'm having a hard time connecting with the Infertility board, right now. I love the women and the support I have gotten, but I would like a "safe" place to bitch about what I'm dealing with having to go through IVF#4 without worrying that I'm freaking out everyone going through IVF#1. 

Justone13

@katemonster1‌ hey lady!! I'm not sure that's why I'm putting feelers out now reference. I guess it depends if we get that many ladies who want to join. How are you??

Justone13

@katemonster1‌ oh cool!! How many did you get? Fx for a great fert report. I just started lupron. Today is day 3. It's going. Lol. I'll start stimming for #4 on Thursday.

mariana81

Hi Ladies! I really liked this idea of having a veterans IVF check-in. I will be on IVF#2 and also running the check-in for november group but I am very interested.. hope it is ok to be part of both groups as I have already volunteered to help them.  

mm29

I would like to give a little input as one of the original IF Vets. One that feels left behind, even by other Vets. Why can we not change the rules for the IF Vets board? It is a DEAD board. People rarely post there. I think changing the definition a little bit will increase the activity on the board. Why not do a survey and re-define the IFVets board criteria?

**Just a side thought and my opinion from someone who has attempted IVF 5 times, in addition to a failed DE IVF. One failed IVF cycle does not equal "super Infertile"

Grateful&Thankful

mm29 said:

I would like to give a little input as one of the original IF Vets. One that feels left behind, even by other Vets. Why can we not change the rules for the IF Vets board? It is a DEAD board. People rarely post there. I think changing the definition a little bit will increase the activity on the board. Why not do a survey and re-define the IFVets board criteria?

**Just a side thought and my opinion from someone who has attempted IVF 5 times, in addition to a failed DE IVF. One failed IVF cycle does not equal "super Infertile"

*****PAIF

I agree! I hope it doesn't upset anyone but I think it would be good to run a poll and see what other vets think.

Justone13

mm29 said:

I would like to give a little input as one of the original IF Vets. One that feels left behind, even by other Vets. Why can we not change the rules for the IF Vets board? It is a DEAD board. People rarely post there. I think changing the definition a little bit will increase the activity on the board. Why not do a survey and re-define the IFVets board criteria?

**Just a side thought and my opinion from someone who has attempted IVF 5 times, in addition to a failed DE IVF. One failed IVF cycle does not equal "super Infertile"

@mm29‌ I have been over there a few times and saw quite a bit of activity. Maybe I just hit it on a good day? I do agree that going into ivf #2 isn't as bad as ivf #4 but I don't want to shut ladies out that don't want to deal with newbies all the time. That seems to get into the setting of my ivf was worse than yours or yours was worse than mine. I don't want the one upping on IF you know what I mean?

hmz819

I think this is a good idea, however, I agree with mm29. One failed IVF doesn't make a vet. I stopped doing check ins after ivf 3. I'm now on ivf 7 and there aren't many that can understand the financial, physical and mental issues I'm going through. I think a check in like is done for hanging on to a dream or pg after if is a good idea but the idea of who is a vet needs to be tweaked.

Personally I like the if vets board as is. I like the rule of not joining during a cycle because it is not inspirational when someone just joins and then posts sqeeee I'm pregnant and then never post again. The purpose of the board is we make connections that last longer than a pregnancy announcement.

I'm sorry if I sound bitter. I'm just pointing out why vets have the rules we do

Justone13

@hmz819‌ hey there!! Yes I totally get it. That's the whole reason that we wanted to start something like this. As I said I don't want it to turn into a one upping situation either. I think after your first failed ivf the sunshine and rainbows go out the window. At 7 you can't relate to those women at all. So maybe not list it as veterans and instead just the btdt been there done that group?? For us girls over the hill?

RunCC37

@hmz819‌ - I've been wondering where you've been. I'm so sorry to hear that you're still at it... Augh, IF sucks the big one.

AFM, I love the idea of an IVF vets check-in on the IF board. I agree that one failed IVF cycle does not make you a veteran the same way that 3-4 failed cycles do... Not that I'm saying my first failed IVF was any easier than the others. As a matter of fact, I was probably just as if not more depressed after #1 compared to #2 & #3. I guess the difference between my first fail and the other two is that after #1, I still had reason to hope. After #2 & #3, there was no hope for a long time. It was unbearable around here for me for months.

I have been participating on IFV for several weeks (months??) now. It is quite a bit slower on that board as @mm29‌ pointed out, but I can understand why. What is there really to talk about when you're not cycling? I joined when I was on the bench for an undetermined amount of time... I just wanted to forget about the pain, so I stopped coming on TB as regularly. I feel that the post volume on IFV is just right. The Friday thread is enough chit chat to say hi to the girls, when someone has news, they make a post. What else is there? I mean, can we liven it up a little more with non-IFV related topics? Sure! I think that'd be fun. But that means someone needs to take the initiative and step up. I don't know about you, but I'm swamped. I am busy at work, busy like crazy with my DE+KK cycle, and busy trying to keep the Team FUIF & TPR check-ins running. I am grateful for what is there, and would definitely participate if there was more, but I can't take on any more responsibility right now.

As far as this thread goes, like I said, I think it's great! I would check-in on both threads (here & November Tiny Turkeys). I think the key would be to keep it simple. Keep a list of the participants and a brief status update, encourage chit chat with a QOTD. It may or may not have to be related to the challenges of being a 'vet' of IVF.

Names? BTDT is still on the top of my list. Some other names that come to mind are Experienced IVFers (not creative, but descriptive), Don't Stop Believing, Can't Stop Won't Stop, Never Give Up, etc, etc.

Justone13

@RunCC37‌ hey girl!! Yes you are swamped and do a great job at taking care of the fitness group!

So ladies would we rather do a 2+ cycle? Keep it at 1+? Thought from those who will be participating?

Should we do a poll??

RunCC37

Justone13 said:

@RunCC37‌ hey girl!! Yes you are swamped and do a great job at taking care of the fitness group!

So ladies would we rather do a 2+ cycle? Keep it at 1+? Thought from those who will be participating?

Should we do a poll??

@Justone13‌ - Is that even a necessary question?!? OF COURSE WE SHOULD DO A POLL!!! I love to click on things!!!! CLICK ALL THE THINGS!!!

Justone13

@RunCC37‌ hahahahaha!!! Click all the things. Love it. Ok!!

@tabbytown‌ I'm thinking we can use it for veterans too along with cycling ladies to check in. I don't know if we would have enough ladies just to do currently cycling.