Are we too mean to the newbies?

absolutelymaybe

This question was brought up in the randoms thread (spawned by the drop it like it's hot...er, I mean "Has My Baby Dropped?" thread). I thought it might be interesting to get a full board input.

Feel free to leave feedback in comments.

JFH2010

I'm a newbie so I haven't been around long enough to know (so I didn't vote). But I've been on the boards for several years. Based only on the "should I induce while my Dr is out of town" thread, here are my thoughts: Those of us who have spent a lot of time on TB are MUCH more knowledgable about pregnancy, childbirth, and babies than the average person. I believe this so strongly. I knew almost nothing about those topics before joining my first BMB. So I think it can be shocking when someone else displays an apparent egregious lack of knowledge. But the thing is, that's the normal level of knowledge. If you don't know any better, and your Dr says, hey, no big deal, I'll just induce you before I skip out to Hawaii - well, maybe you just kinda trust your doctor. But maybe something doesn't quite sit right, so you come on here to double check. If you feel attacked, you're less likely to keep coming back and keep getting educated.

I really have no idea about the answer to the poll question, though. I just like to write stuff that may or may not be relevant.

AnnieRoo13

I replied SS. I don't know if I would say we're too mean, too nice or just right, but we are what we are. We're never going to be Baby Gaga and we're always going to tell it like it is, but sometimes it's taken a little far at times.

absolutelymaybe

carolineheider said:

I think there are lots of nice people who don't jump down people's throats. I also think that certain people seem to get off on being bullies when someone new shows up.  

ETA: Also, it's cracking me up that you started a poll for this! 

=D>

I just figured not everyone reads the random thread and if it's a serious enough issue where even our "regs" are saying we're too mean, it's worthwhile getting a broader sample. I'm not saying anyone should change the way they act, I was genuinely curious what the general sentiment is.

JFH2010

I will say that I want to keep posting here, so it can't be all bad. I joined a BMB last year before a loss and I exited stage left within a few days.

absolutelymaybe

@JFC2010 - Glad we were cool enough for you to hang out :-) (Sorry about your previous loss)

SarahHeck

I think some of the mean-ness is deserved, for instance if you insist on naming your child, Alexavier (I have to say something mean) but.... I think once one person says the mean comment sometimes others should just love tit the one mean comment and drop it unless they are saying something completely different. I feel like a lot of times I see the exact same comments over and over. I just don't think the same exact post needs to be reiterated by a ton of other people. It isn't necessary and to me it does make it seem like we gang up on people sometimes. That's just my personal opinion though.

absolutelymaybe

@kyliedaniellexx - I know you tend to lean (heavily) on the side of the snarky, but your replies are some of my favorite.

I agree that it feels a lot of the time we're treated like personal google by drive-bys and, as @lizzielu82 brought up in the randoms thread, we aren't MDs and these types of questions really should be asked of their doctor. Could we be a bit nicer to them at times, maybe? But I don't think we should have to sugarcoat our responses either.

SarahHeck

I think a lot of the people that ask those types of questions do know we aren't doctors, but are trying to break ice and/or get ideas of specific things to ask their doctor about. They might just want opinions and not necessarily take everything anybody says as the gospel truth. when they get comments about being dumb or that they should ask a doctor, they get mad at someone insinuating that they would trust an internet board solely for medical advice or to name their child when they just want a jump off point to either make friends or get ideas.

absolutelymaybe

@aragosta - I think our personalities are probably different (or maybe our definition of snark is different?), because I see snarky as playful humor. I'm snarky with my husband and my friends and, most of the time, they're snarky right back. To me, there's a difference between answering someone rudely vs. snarky.

I feel like if I was new here and decided, for whatever reason, to post "What should I name my baby?" and received a bunch of funny responses and GIFs, I'd laugh and realize, "Okay, yeah. That was probably a stupid question since these people don't even know me." I wouldn't be offended.

lizzielu82

@absolutelymaybe loved that you turned this into a clicky poll - I love clicking on all the things!

As we get closer to our due dates, I feel like there have been more newbies on here than usual. And not just the ones that want us to name their babies or pick from their you-nique set of name options, ones with real questions. 

Real questions that should NOT be asked by an internet board of non-doctors. I think it's important to be direct and the best advice that can sometimes be given here is to CALL YOUR DOCTOR. It doesn't matter what "my experience" was, there's no reason not to call your own doctor if something warrants it. And as we get closer to birth, it seems like the answer more often than not is that why not just call your doctor and not risk it for the baby? 

Sure, there are regulars that should be called out, too. There are things that bug me - for example, starting a new discussion for every single thought or AW moment in your head and never responding to any other thread drives me absolutely bananas. 

But are we too harsh on the newbies? Maybe sometimes. But maybe, we've also helped by not showering them with rainbows and unicorn farts by giving direct answers (or even throwing in the occasional gif).

Maybe those direct answers to call their doctors or ridiculous gif is helping them to personally take the matter themselves more seriously and know that they are in fact, asking an important question to a bunch of strangers on an internet forum. 

joshua+rebecca11

I voted SS because my option wasn't up there. It's "I have no idea." it seems like the board has mood swings (all the hormones maybe? ) we are nice and ok with some newbs, but then some seem to get really snarked at.

ETA: spelling is hard and auto correct is sometimes the devil!

absolutelymaybe

Really? NO ONE has voted that we're too nice!?




ETA: Okay, someone HAD to vote for it. Whatever. I'm leaving my gif up!

lizgrace03

I answered SS because I see both sides. But I really like the Pharrell and Stranger Danger GIFs!!!! If it's a totally ridiculous post, I endorse the "snark" or whatever wholeheartedly. Some of them are trolls I think too. But, I see the arguments that Lisa and Lissy and some of the others were making in the rando thread, we don't need to be trolls ourselves looking for opportunities to shame someone.

missnacholover

I'll admit, I find humor in throwing up a funny/relevant gif.  I don't do it to be mean, but sometimes I feel like the answers are obvious or that some folks don't even attempt to find the answer on their own.  If that's mean, then I guess i am mean.

highbornhunter

I wavered between too mean and just right - there are some posts I think we might bring out the snark a little early on.  It's a difficult balance to hit.  I also think newbies coming onto the board with less than month til our due dates should remember they are talking to other people who are 8-9 months pregnant and may be all out of patience for stupid.

hiketheworld

I think new people often have no idea about the community that has formed on a chat board, or that there are "rules" about what you should or shouldn't post. Then when they post something that contravenes the rules informally set up by that community they get pounced on. I don't think it's fair. I generally think that if someone is posting a question they are seriously seeking an answer.

I think it is great to tell someone: you really need to ask your doctor that or please reconsider giving your child a misspelled name. It is an opportunity to be able to direct those people down a better path. I don't see it as a personal affront or an inconvenience. If you don't want to deal with those posts, after you read the original post just go back to the main page and ignore it. I see no point in making snarky or mean comments to those ladies. It seems like a gigantic waste of time and energy and only adds a little shittyness to someone else's day.

That said, I voted "too mean" if you couldn't guess.

fyreandblood

I voted SS. I think a lot of the people who have been flamed deserved it. They asked horrible questions and were rude and flat out idiotic. However, i really felt for the girl with the stepkid thread. I'm still confused about that one because i could def empathize, but her wording irritated me. I feel like forums and other outlets where people have gotten to know each other for months can get really cliquey and this group is no exception. Some of the regs can gang up on newbs, lurkers, semi-regs and even other hardcore regs, so i wouldnt say regs are super nice to each other all the time.

I kinda think people believe they can do whatever they want and say whatever they want on the internet, which means the forum gets a fuckload of stupidly worded posts. JUST GOOGLE. Like the lady across from me in L&D triage last night who was smoking/drinking while preg and there because she had mucus in her underwear (and couldnt even answer the nurse's questions). The nurse was so done with her and i don't blame her. GOOGLE "PREGNANT MUCUS IN UNDERWEAR" AND YOU WILL LEARN ABOUT YOUR MUCUS PLUG. Ughhhhhh. I digress >.>

ETA: some doctors also suck and dont listen to their patients or provide adequate advice, and not everyone has the luxury of switching. This is why i depend on google and only ask after thinking about wording EXTENSIVELY. It's the internet, after all.

CPM13

I went with SS. I do think that in general people here are just right but there are some who seem to enjoy being a little on the mean side. But isn't that true in the real world too? I've enjoyed spending time on this board. Sometimes I roll my eyes at some of the questions. And sometimes I do the same at some of the responses. But I keep coming back! 

And I never read the random thread. So I am glad @absolutelymaybe started another thread. 

edit: to, too, two. It's hard sometimes!

Deardra77

SarahHeck said:

I think a lot of the people that ask those types of questions do know we aren't doctors, but are trying to break ice and/or get ideas of specific things to ask their doctor about. They might just want opinions and not necessarily take everything anybody says as the gospel truth. when they get comments about being dumb or that they should ask a doctor, they get mad at someone insinuating that they would trust an internet board solely for medical advice or to name their child when they just want a jump off point to either make friends or get ideas.

Have to agree with this one, I'd love to ask for other women's experience of complications of GD so I could help prepare myself mentally for what may be ahead. But I don't/won't as I have seen the responses other women get when they ask similar questions. I know I can google the shit out of it but I'd love to hear from actual women that have gone through the experience to speak about what it was like for them. Like me for example, I had complication of premature placenta breakdown leading to low fluid levels & early induction but if you read up on the complications of GD what you can expect & is waaay more normal is too high fluid levels. That's why I'd love to hear from other real life experiences from other women. Doesn't mean that I am dumb or looking for women on the internet to take the place of my medical team.  Used to be on the IF board & it is so much about women asking each other to share medical experiences. Really very helpful for women facing a life crisis to be able to share, Drs will have different opinions and approaches and the women were really great at giving advice. Again, no one was ever going to listen to a stranger on the internet over their Dr when the stake were so high (am I over confident in people ability to make rational decisions?) but they may seek out a 2nd medical opinion as a result. When you are frightened and stressed out the best of us can ask really really dumb questions that if we weren't in that same place mentally we would know the answer or maybe even roll our eyes at the asker. I know when my first beta came back as a 21 I thought automatically it was a CP & posted asking for advice on how a FET worked as it was my first time with frozen embryos and all the women were very awesome telling me that it wasn't over yet. Not a single you are dumb, or ask your Dr in all of the responses. Was so very awesome at a time when I really needed the support & to be set on the right track.

Ok so not sure how that just became an essay, again. Sorry!

Soonergirl131

I've seen some pretty mean comments, I haven't been around long but I don't really consider myself a "newbie" anymore. I had some pretty hateful stuff said to me when I first started, mostly because I didn't know the basics of how all this worked when I started. I just really wanted a place to go and see that other FTM's and STM's were experiencing the same things I was. The thing is for all the newbies, you have to have tough skin, realizes not everyone is rude, and try not to take everything as a jab. Some ppl are more straight forward than others.

Lilwatz

I voted too mean.  I love you ladies.  I love your snark.  But I also appreciate snark.  I just don't feel like "Because we have all been around for 8 months" is a good reason to be mean to a stranger.  I like honest answers, no coddling.  I also think if someone is being a jerkface about things, all bets are off and I want to be entertained with GIFs.  But, just a dumb or poorly worded question?  yeah, I vote too mean.

Also, something to note.  I cringe every time I see bad spelling/grammar, but I heard something once that had really challenged me.  I won't be able to recall it as well said as I first heard it, but the gist was that someone's poor grammar often reflects less opportunity as a result of a lower socio-economic status.  Just because I had a supportive family that worked with me to learn these habits and the access to proper schooling does not make me better, it makes me lucky and blessed.  I know this is a generalization but something I try to make myself remember before cringing too much...  /steps off soapbox

snarkylibrarian

Lilwatz said:

I voted too mean.  I love you ladies.  I love your snark.  But I also appreciate snark.  I just don't feel like "Because we have all been around for 8 months" is a good reason to be mean to a stranger.  I like honest answers, no coddling.  I also think if someone is being a jerkface about things, all bets are off and I want to be entertained with GIFs.  But, just a dumb or poorly worded question?  yeah, I vote too mean.

Also, something to note.  I cringe every time I see bad spelling/grammar, but I heard something once that had really challenged me.  I won't be able to recall it as well said as I first heard it, but the gist was that someone's poor grammar often reflects less opportunity as a result of a lower socio-economic status.  Just because I had a supportive family that worked with me to learn these habits and the access to proper schooling does not make me better, it makes me lucky and blessed.  I know this is a generalization but something I try to make myself remember before cringing too much...  /steps off soapbox

Yes, TOTALLY AGREE. This may come as a surprise to many of y'all, since I am a librarian, but people being mean to others for failing to use "proper "grammar bothers me a lot. Sometimes certain things (like books written in text message format) make me cringe internally, but I try to challenge that instinct. I think being too prescriptive about grammar can sometimes be classist and racist. As long as you can understand a person, it shouldn't be a big deal. I definitely believe in descriptive, rather than prescriptive grammar in everyday, informal situations. Of course, if someone wants to name their kid a name that seems misspelled or stupid to you and they ask your honest opinion, then sure, go ahead and give it to them.

There are a lot of people out there that might not have much support and/or the skills to locate and evaluate information critically and we shouldn't tear them apart and make fun of them for our own amusement. I am probably extra sensitive to this, because I work with people who have these kinds of literacy issues everyday. 

That being said, this board is WAY nicer than some of the other boards I've posted on and I love being a part of it.

ccam

Econosaurus said:

I don't think it's a board thing, I think it's more of a problem that certain people have.

Ladies that think being rude is funny as long as they call it "snark".

Yup - this!

MissN06

I am relatively new (came around in the last month) and I don't find the board to be that mean.  However, I also have been around and don't ask questions that snark would be responded with.  When I have a question that I think snark might be in the response I post it in the newbie thread where those type of questions belong.  

I've enjoyed this board and the information I've taken from it and the knowledge that others are experiencing so many of the same things.

MrsDL

I don't think it's a matter of necessarily being too mean, but certainly hypocritical at times.  The dropping question wasn't the most stupid thing ever posted on here and if it was posted by some regulars, people would have given their own experiences, maybe told the poster to call her doctor.  Personally, I didn't see anything wrong with the OP coming back and clarifying that she had a loss, and that was the reason she was freaking out a bit.  Being called out for that, as if she made it up, was unnecessarily shitty.  For those who have had a loss, it's usually not something you throw out there right off the bat, and it does make you unusually paranoid.  Some people might put a call into their doctors for certain things, but post waiting for a returned call to distract them, calm nerves, etc.  

Some ladies will respond the same way to a newbie or regular based on the question - if it comes across mean, so be it - at least this group is being honest. Others will jump on something they perceive to be a stupid/silly question just from a newbie to be an AW, but let it go for a regular or "friend" - that's just hypocritical. 

mommymeg143

I wish there was an option for "More gifs from @lizzielu82, @nissnacholover and @doubleup8."

jj0313

I have a few thoughts (none of which are that special)

-I think a good general rule of thumb is would you speak in this same tone to a perfect stranger? Or would you show a bit more respect? I think a lot of what goes on here wouldn't pass that rule. But that's the Internet. And it's not cute.

-people who use this as their personal Google annoy me too but it also really annoys me when regulars are so self absorbed that they expect everyone to lurk long enough to understand the culture

-annoying spelling name threads that get flamed are a public service. Seriously.

-I got really flamed on trip advisor once. Woowee! That one hurt. It happens on all the sites.

Deardra77

Lilwatz said:

I voted too mean.  I love you ladies.  I love your snark.  But I also appreciate snark.  I just don't feel like "Because we have all been around for 8 months" is a good reason to be mean to a stranger.  I like honest answers, no coddling.  I also think if someone is being a jerkface about things, all bets are off and I want to be entertained with GIFs.  But, just a dumb or poorly worded question?  yeah, I vote too mean.

Also, something to note.  I cringe every time I see bad spelling/grammar, but I heard something once that had really challenged me.  I won't be able to recall it as well said as I first heard it, but the gist was that someone's poor grammar often reflects less opportunity as a result of a lower socio-economic status.  Just because I had a supportive family that worked with me to learn these habits and the access to proper schooling does not make me better, it makes me lucky and blessed.  I know this is a generalization but something I try to make myself remember before cringing too much...  /steps off soapbox

Another thing to think about too is learning disability. My brother is dyslexic and in written form would not come across well but he is a highly intelligent individual who was a home owner in one of the most expensive cities in the world by age 23. He had his own company with bunches of people working for him but has difficulty in reading and writing. Not a reflection of lack of intelligence. On a personal level I try not to get too caught up on the whole grammar thing as grammar rules can be different depending on which part of the world's rules you are following so what is correct in one place is incorrect in another.

fyreandblood

The issue here is that people don't think. Regs don't really think about context (i am guilty of this. We all are) and some random posters don't think before they type. But i agree with PP about hypocrisy. I've seen cliquey regs get just as butthurt as randos about being called out -- after calling out whoever they feel like in whatever manner they wish without thought. I've also been bitched at for not being cool with a reg's tone and honestly, the situation was hypocritical and hurtful. Idk, i appreciate the openness, support, honesty, etc here but it's fucked to prefer certain people over others, but that is also to be expected on boards like this one. This is an amazing community, but it is extremely cliqueish. Even other regs who aren't AS reg or as old in terms of membership are excluded or ignored.

This is the internet of course, and people hide behind the anonymity and convenience and think it's cool to say whatever. I'm guilty of it and was especially so earlier in my pregnancy when i was really grouchy and angry at the world, but i see some of the snark now as mean girl tude and i dont like participating anymore unless the OP was a straight up idiot or an asshole. I love these ladies and i love the support i've received here, but sometimes i think there is definite favoritism and ngl, it's kept me from commenting or posting.

Kristy774

fyreandblood said:

The issue here is that people don't think. Regs don't really think about context (i am guilty of this. We all are) and some random posters don't think before they type. But i agree with PP about hypocrisy. I've seen cliquey regs get just as butthurt as randos about being called out -- after calling out whoever they feel like in whatever manner they wish without thought. I've also been bitched at for not being cool with a reg's tone and honestly, the situation was hypocritical and hurtful. Idk, i appreciate the openness, support, honesty, etc here but it's fucked to prefer certain people over others, but that is also to be expected on boards like this one. This is an amazing community, but it is extremely cliqueish. Even other regs who aren't AS reg or as old in terms of membership are excluded or ignored.

This is the internet of course, and people hide behind the anonymity and convenience and think it's cool to say whatever. I'm guilty of it and was especially so earlier in my pregnancy when i was really grouchy and angry at the world, but i see some of the snark now as mean girl tude and i dont like participating anymore unless the OP was a straight up idiot or an asshole. I love these ladies and i love the support i've received here, but sometimes i think there is definite favoritism and ngl, it's kept me from commenting or posting.

I can't bold because I'm mobile but I don't understand why you think it's "fucked up to prefer some people to others". That's the real world. I tell my kids that not everyone likes everyone or gets along with each other, it's ok just as long as they aren't bullies or mean. Its absolutely ok to like some people better then others, that's very normal.

Also, some of the girls that I've had arguments with, I've actually walked away from the argument liking them more. @Econosaurus‌ and I are a good example of this, in the beginning we had words, now we joke about it. Being able to disagree and move on is something I appreciate in a lot of the regs on this board. I like the girls that speak up, but especially the girls that will speak up to anyone and not just a newb.

fyreandblood

Kristy774 said:

fyreandblood said:

The issue here is that people don't think. Regs don't really think about context (i am guilty of this. We all are) and some random posters don't think before they type. But i agree with PP about hypocrisy. I've seen cliquey regs get just as butthurt as randos about being called out -- after calling out whoever they feel like in whatever manner they wish without thought. I've also been bitched at for not being cool with a reg's tone and honestly, the situation was hypocritical and hurtful. Idk, i appreciate the openness, support, honesty, etc here but it's fucked to prefer certain people over others, but that is also to be expected on boards like this one. This is an amazing community, but it is extremely cliqueish. Even other regs who aren't AS reg or as old in terms of membership are excluded or ignored.

This is the internet of course, and people hide behind the anonymity and convenience and think it's cool to say whatever. I'm guilty of it and was especially so earlier in my pregnancy when i was really grouchy and angry at the world, but i see some of the snark now as mean girl tude and i dont like participating anymore unless the OP was a straight up idiot or an asshole. I love these ladies and i love the support i've received here, but sometimes i think there is definite favoritism and ngl, it's kept me from commenting or posting.

I can't bold because I'm mobile but I don't understand why you think it's "fucked up to prefer some people to others". That's the real world. I tell my kids that not everyone likes everyone or gets along with each other, it's ok just as long as they aren't bullies or mean. Its absolutely ok to like some people better then others, that's very normal.

Also, some of the girls that I've had arguments with, I've actually walked away from the argument liking them more. @Econosaurus‌ and I are a good example of this, in the beginning we had words, now we joke about it. Being able to disagree and move on is something I appreciate in a lot of the regs on this board. I like the girls that speak up, but especially the girls that will speak up to anyone and not just a newb.

I don't think everyone should like each other. Of course that's the real world, you are totally right. My issue is hypocrisy, as another person pointed out. I may just be dealing with feeling like shit, but i def think it's fucked to pounce on randos for being rude, but let regs get away with it.

When it comes to bluntness directed at regs, i have definitely wanted to have words with some people here, but avoided it. I think if older regs have words with other older regs, like you and @Econosaurus‌, it can easily turn into a joke, etc, but i don't feel like i have that luxury as a not-so-reg? Idk. I def feel like i'll either be pounced on or ignored, but i also understand that relationships have developed here that i am not a part of and that's totally okay.

Also, some people suck at confrontation, esp with people they like or admire. I'm guilty of this. I like a ton of the main regs and i am personally trying to reassert myself again after a situation where i lost myself, so i'm not quite as good with confrontation as others. I know other ladies might feel the same way. For me, the situation i discussed occurred right before i had to disappear from here for awhile, so i was unable to really confront anyone or address the situation.

I'm rambling and have no idea what my point is anymore. Oh well.

FirstBabyDoyle

fyreandblood said:

The issue here is that people don't think. Regs don't really think about context (i am guilty of this. We all are) and some random posters don't think before they type. But i agree with PP about hypocrisy. I've seen cliquey regs get just as butthurt as randos about being called out -- after calling out whoever they feel like in whatever manner they wish without thought. I've also been bitched at for not being cool with a reg's tone and honestly, the situation was hypocritical and hurtful. Idk, i appreciate the openness, support, honesty, etc here but it's fucked to prefer certain people over others, but that is also to be expected on boards like this one. This is an amazing community, but it is extremely cliqueish. Even other regs who aren't AS reg or as old in terms of membership are excluded or ignored.

This is the internet of course, and people hide behind the anonymity and convenience and think it's cool to say whatever. I'm guilty of it and was especially so earlier in my pregnancy when i was really grouchy and angry at the world, but i see some of the snark now as mean girl tude and i dont like participating anymore unless the OP was a straight up idiot or an asshole. I love these ladies and i love the support i've received here, but sometimes i think there is definite favoritism and ngl, it's kept me from commenting or posting.

Ohh FFS it's an internet forum. This isn't high school, get over it. I don't participate as frequently as I would like these days and I can't keep up with the everything thread for shit. I definitely understand that some folks have been here longer and participate more. Of course there is favoritism and that's just lyfe yo. I know some people here better than others and I like them more... Crazy how that works.

ssstephanie214

This poll presupposes an in-group/out-group.

I think the most successful threads are those that have a community of readers in mind: silly question playdate, tmi tuesday, aw your nursery, etc.

Mean replies seem to appear with more frequency in individualized "here's what's happening to me what do you think of my situation" threads.

I don't know what else to conclude about it all. I'm really pregnant though

Maelara

Deardra77 said:

I voted too mean.  I love you ladies.  I love your snark.  But I also appreciate snark.  I just don't feel like "Because we have all been around for 8 months" is a good reason to be mean to a stranger.  I like honest answers, no coddling.  I also think if someone is being a jerkface about things, all bets are off and I want to be entertained with GIFs.  But, just a dumb or poorly worded question?  yeah, I vote too mean.

Also, something to note.  I cringe every time I see bad spelling/grammar, but I heard something once that had really challenged me.  I won't be able to recall it as well said as I first heard it, but the gist was that someone's poor grammar often reflects less opportunity as a result of a lower socio-economic status.  Just because I had a supportive family that worked with me to learn these habits and the access to proper schooling does not make me better, it makes me lucky and blessed.  I know this is a generalization but something I try to make myself remember before cringing too much...  /steps off soapbox

Another thing to think about too is learning disability. My brother is dyslexic and in written form would not come across well but he is a highly intelligent individual who was a home owner in one of the most expensive cities in the world by age 23. He had his own company with bunches of people working for him but has difficulty in reading and writing. Not a reflection of lack of intelligence. On a personal level I try not to get too caught up on the whole grammar thing as grammar rules can be different depending on which part of the world's rules you are following so what is correct in one place is incorrect in another.

I was actually going to say this too! I also have a learning disability (no phonics) and it made it very difficult to even learn to read, let alone learn grammar at the pace that everyone else learned it.

lizzielu82

I might get flamed for this, but I don't care. Pharrell and cheesecake made me do it! 

fyreandblood

lizzielu82 said:

I might get flamed for this, but I don't care. Pharrell and cheesecake made me do it! 

And all of my righteous and sick-induced anger is gone. Thank you @lizzielu82

lisaren

Y'all are a bunch of mean hormonal bitches and guess what, I can drop it like its hot without help getting up. Bwhahahaha. Oh and I can drink beer. And have normal sex and wake up without needing to smell my panties, which maybe I still do but for other reasons left unsaid.




For real though.. I think most people are chill. Some of y'all are just slightly crazy.

Maelara

fyreandblood said:

The issue here is that people don't think. Regs don't really think about context (i am guilty of this. We all are) and some random posters don't think before they type. But i agree with PP about hypocrisy. I've seen cliquey regs get just as butthurt as randos about being called out -- after calling out whoever they feel like in whatever manner they wish without thought. I've also been bitched at for not being cool with a reg's tone and honestly, the situation was hypocritical and hurtful. Idk, i appreciate the openness, support, honesty, etc here but it's fucked to prefer certain people over others, but that is also to be expected on boards like this one. This is an amazing community, but it is extremely cliqueish. Even other regs who aren't AS reg or as old in terms of membership are excluded or ignored. This is the internet of course, and people hide behind the anonymity and convenience and think it's cool to say whatever. I'm guilty of it and was especially so earlier in my pregnancy when i was really grouchy and angry at the world, but i see some of the snark now as mean girl tude and i dont like participating anymore unless the OP was a straight up idiot or an asshole. I love these ladies and i love the support i've received here, but sometimes i think there is definite favoritism and ngl, it's kept me from commenting or posting.

It's not fucked up, it's real life. Everyone has best friends, no? So they prefer that friend over other friends. Some people just mesh better. I PM with one or two girls on here and I'd say I definitely prefer them but I also know them better. If someone wants to pm with me to get to know me better (or vice versa), great! Ive also called them out on their shit but I usually do it in a more private manner because I have a different relationship with them. Just because you don't see the call out, doesn't mean it didnt happen.

I remember the situation you're talking about here and I'm just going to say, can we please just leave the past in the past? If you have an ongoing issue with one of us, lets PM and not drag it out in public.

ETA - I just say your response, and am glad you agree with it maybe not quite being so fucked up, lol!

lisaren

@Maelara‌ you talk to 1-2 girls privately from here???!!!! The SHAME!!!!

runningmama14

I have rarely (maybe never) seen a reg or semi-reg truly get flamed on this board. Yes, I have seen some tense disagreements over certain posts/opinions, and been involved in a few, but that's just life, not being mean for the fun of being mean.

I'm not saying I think regs should be flamed by any means. I'm saying that getting all offended and angry over someone actually voicing disagreement with you when all involved are active on the board is a totally different topic than this clicky poll asks about. It's also a fact of life that not everyone you meet will think your ideas are gold nuggets of perfect knowledge to be treasured forever.