Baby #2 and naming issues.

lewispm

This is kind of strange, but hear me out.

We found out yesterday this baby is a BOY! YAY! So excited for K to have a  BFF for life! Now for the awful, daunting task of finding another boy name we both agree on (it was a nightmare with K). The thing is, a long time ago, before we even knew K was a boy, MH and I made this deal that he would have 3 kids (rather than just 2) if baby #3 could be named Hayden, no matter the sex. Silly deal, I know, but I really wanted 3 kids and he was adamant about just 2 up until this deal. I agreed thinking he would never hold me to it but he talks about it all.the.time. and I think he really would try to hold me to it and be upset with me if I went back on that deal. I mean, he obviously couldn't force me to name our child something I refused to, but he already informed me that I would "grow to love it" so he wouldn't care if I didn't like it to begin with and would 100% try to uphold our deal with baby#3 unless this baby could be Hayden.

Here's the catch: I really don't like Hayden at all for a girl, but it has grown on me a tad for a boy. It is definitely not my #1 name choice, but DH already vetoed my top 100, maybe even 200 or so names with DS#1! So, I am thinking about considering Hayden for this boy and ensuring that if we do have a #3 and it turns out to be a girl, it wont even be an issue that I don't like Hayden. However, I really just don't like Hayden that much. I like unpopular names and Hayden is pretty trendy. The ONLY other name DH likes is Tristan, which I actually would prefer over Hayden if it weren't for the fact that it's even more popular right now. If I gave in to Tristan, we would never do Hayden for #3 because we both agree 3 names that end in N is too weird. Ugh. Why do husband's have to have opinions on these types of things??

So I guess my question is: What would you do in my situation? Give MH some slack and go with Hayden/Tristan? I know I'll love the name once it belongs to my kid.....right?? OR go through this whole name battle again to end up with Lord knows what name (that I hopefully love) and then have to break our "hayden" deal if baby #3 is a girl some day and deal with hearing about that for the rest of my life....lol.

MH and I are way to opinionated about names, ya'll. The struggle is real.

lewispm

roo1582 said:

First I would try to throw out some other names that may pique his interest and he might find he loves even more than Hayden.  Has he recently brought up the name Hayden?  Maybe its something he forgot about or is willing to reconsider?  Also, would you be open to having Hayden as a middle name?  Would he go for something like that? 

He has been calling this baby Hayden since day 1 (as he did with Kellen as well), despite the fact that I correct him every single time. He does it jokingly, but seriously at the same time. Haha. He thinks middle names are pretty pointless so he won't go for it as a middle name, I'm sure. I have no idea why he is so obsessed. I mean, I always dreamed of Everett (Rhett) for a little boy since I can remember but since he hates it I haven't mentioned it since we were naming K. I don't know why he can't just move on! I guess I gave him a tiny glimmer of hope by making that stupid deal! ugh.

lewispm

JodieLyn10 said:

A.  I hate Hayden for a girl, and used to love it for a boy until all the Jayden/Aiden/Caydens of the world ruined it by association.  I could never sign off on a "den" name.

B. I'm tripping on the "deal."  I'm hoping the part about choosing the size of your family based on a a name choice is a joke?  Please let that be a joke. 

It's not a total joke, but obviously if I refused the name he wouldn't refuse a third child on that alone. It's one of those things that started out as a joke and I agreed to it because it was silly and now he wants to hold me to it because it gets him what he wants. Obviously if we couldn't afford a third, we wouldn't have 3. I think he more or less knew we would end up with 3 eventually since I always wanted 3, but he wanted to get a Hayden out of it somehow.

britbratjf

I agree with PPs that if you really don't like Hayden then don't use it. I personally like the name for a girl or boy but its not super commom here.

lewispm

We just went to lunch and talked about it a little more than we ever really have before. He thinks if I go back on my deal, then that makes me a liar. I told him that when the deal was made, our babies were a far off idea and I never imagined he would take it so seriously and try to hold me to it. I told him how crappy I felt about the position it leaves me in and that it's lose-lose for me. If I go with Hayden, I'm not happy with the name. If I never go with Hayden and break our deal, I'm a liar and he's upset. I told him how pressured I feel to name my child some thing I don't like because he took a silly deal too seriously and somehow, over the years, he's twisted it into this giant promise that I made to him. I would never name our child something I knew he didn't like and be happy with my decision to do so. That's selfish.

 I think he is starting to see my point and I had never really vocalized how annoying this "Hayden deal" thing had grown to become over the years so maybe he will see the light. As of right this instant, I think he is trying to be understanding, but is still upset that I really might go back on my deal and he won't get his beloved Hayden, but hopefully he will get over that. I told him Hayden is not 100% off the table, but to please stop acting like its the name because I'm not a fan of it right now and most likely it will not be our son's name. I'm glad we talked though, and starting this thread and reading he responses encouraged me to finally let him in on the fact that I made this "deal" as a silly game thinking he would never hold me to it and it upsets me that he would try to.

He is going to try to come up with a list. He swears he only has 2 names he likes and he doesn't think he can do any kind of list but he is going to at least try. I might make one too, even though I know he will hate them all. I'll try to think of ones I didn't suggest with K, if there are even any left! Geez, naming a child is tough!

 

versed

Check out "Name Nymbler" online or the book "baby name wizard" - they offer 'if you like x, then you'll probably like y" suggestions. That book and site really helped expand our lists.

Good luck!

pinkangelmoon

First, congrats on a boy!  Second, I wouldn't agree to a name unless I was 100% sold on it.  Hopefully your H can come up with a new list and you both can agree on a name. Personally I like Everett MUCH better than Hayden or Tristan, and think it goes well with Kellen.  It's too bad your H doesn't like it.

KarmB

pick the name you love. If you love Tristan more go for it. I know a billion Haydens but zero tristans. David was iffy on Sebastian (his suggestion though) and as soon as I heard it I knew it was it. So I just kept on saying Sebastian until it sunk in with David.

I know its all easier said than done. We knew Lilah would be Lilah on our first date and our second girls name when we were pregnant with Lilah. Boys were hard for us

britbratjf

I like @MissMusic‌ suggestion of drawing from a book or movie you both love. My H and I are both huge fans of the book Atlas Shrugged so that's where Dagnys name came from.

nesenotes

I might be compromising this time and going with the name h likes. Although I haven't told him that yet. I'm making everyone wait until she gets here. It's an ok name just kind of popular. It's definitely not my fave but it's not the worst. So because of that I'll compromise. Plus I chose Emery.

But if you really don't it like it stick to your guns. I like Hayden for a boy way better than for a girl. Not a fan of Tristan at all but that's my nephews name so I'm biased.

Congrats on the boy!!