Frustrated

LimaD

I want to be able to feed my 23month old DD what we eat for dinner.  She fights it EVERY night.  I know people say "they won't starve"...like dont give in and get them something else because if they're really hungry they'll eat. But I guess I struggle with doing that because I know if she doesn't eat, she'll wake up at 2 in the morning hungry and won't be able to sleep. And I won't be able to sleep either. And I don't think she'd figure out from that to eat whatever I give her for dinner...Sometimes she does eat a little bit, but most times she won't even try it. Tonight she refused for almost an hour to eat the food we tried to give her but she was definitely hungry and kept saying and signing "eat". I finally gave in and got her something else...Any advice from anyone who has dealt with this and gotten it figured out? I know I need to be consistent and I'm just not sure how to address it

LimaD

I guess I could try that.  I have tried telling her to take just one bite and she can be "all done" but that doesn't work either.

She likes things like grilled cheese, quesadillas, pb&j, and other "kid food" as well as fruit, cheese, and toast. Veggies have always been a struggle but I continue to offer it to her and sneak it into her food when I can. Every once in a while she does a good job of eating some of the food I'm serving.  I can understand her not liking every dish I make (i wouldn't expect her to eat ground beef or pasta since she doesn't like noodles), but i also don't want to be preparing her a separate meal every night. I have always tried to introduce new foods and keep introducing them but she still seems to be pretty picky. 

landrews

i'm in the same boat as you, with my daughter who is the same age.  will be watching this post for advice/tips!

ashiscute

Serve dinner as you would normally eat it and always include 1 thing she likes.  Like mandarin oranges, yogurt, strawberries.  Whatever just keep that on the side so she has something.  

If you continue to give in she will continue to not eat what is offered.  I also would not spend an hour trying to get her to eat.  I would sit her at the table with her food and at 30 minutes be done if she is.  I also don't understand why she'd wake up in the middle of the night because she didn't eat dinner.  My kids skip dinner all of the time and have never woken up in the middle of the night hungry.  If you're afraid of that though give her a bedtime snack.  Just make sure you brush her teeth after.  

Crequito

DD doesn't eat dinner at the same time as DH and I (she goes to bed around 7:15pm so her dinner is usually right when I get home at 6) yet so she gets a separate meal that I know she likes.  Sometimes if she's still awake when DH and I finally get to eat dinner she'll ask for a bite of whatever we have.  When the schedule starts working out that we can have dinner together I plan to include at least one thing I know she likes.  I'm ok with her not eating exactly what we eat, especially since we like our food spicy and I don't think she's ready for that.

I'll give you the advice my pedi gives me every time I tell him DD doesn't like vegetables - keep trying but don't force her since that will give her a negative association with it.

valeriegp

We are struggling with eating too. Most nights we all eat together and we offer my son what we eat, making sure there is something he likes. The problem is what he likes changes daily! Last night he threw a fit about what we were giving him, and we did eventually give in, but not until he had mostly calmed himself down from his temper tantrum. 

We have tried to follow the "don't give in, they will eat if they are hungry" advice but it doesn't work with my son. I'm convinced there is a stubborn gene in my family and my son got it. It we don't give him something, we'll be up all night. And that's not good for anyone. 

MrsStanger

We are in the same boat. have been for months. the one time i tried the "she wont starve herself" she was up at 2am and crying. when it finally dawned on me i was SO angry that we let it come to this. She continues to get whatever we eat plus 1 thing she likes. If she only eats the 1 thing she likes then i wrap the plate up and save it. you bet that if she wakes up im going to heat it up and let her eat it then. I know and understand the staying consistant. I also know and understand that its easier to say that then do it somedays. You just get so tired of fighting, but if you think back to when we were kids i dont remember EVER getting a meal different than my parents. Of course grandma and grandpa have no helpful insight there...

michelle7482

I just want to say I feel your pain. My DD never eats what we do and she WILL starve herself. She's a horrible eater and it stresses me out !! My younger daughter eats anything and everything

fusionbride

I try and offer the food I think she'll like the least first.  And if she's hungry, in it goes.  I offer a few other things, and her favorite food last (usually fruit or cheese).

She is also really into feeding herself right now-- so I offer a fork and/or spoon (usually after I've given her a chance to eat as a finger food so it seems new).  And she is super into "Dip".  She'll eat anything if it comes with something to dip it in.  Our "dips" have been marinara sauce, applesauce, yogurt, ketchup, terriyaki sauce, balsamic salad dressing-- whatever we have on hand and doesn't seem too unhealthy or to clash too much with whatever the food is. 

Every so often LO is just not that hungry at dinner time, so I offer a cup of milk last to "fill in the chinks", and if she didn't eat much dinner at all she'll wake up a little earlier than usual (like an hour max), and this has only happened a few times. 

I think it is up to you and your priorities how you want to handle it.  I personally wouldn't battle it out so long, and I'd also try letting her go a little hungrier rather than giving in and handing her what she likes every time.  But that's cuz a varied palate is important to me, and I would rather run a strict ship.  But if it really was a crying screaming battle nightly, I probably would feel different and wouldn't think it was worth the hassle at this age.
Good luck!

LimaD

ashiscute said:

Serve dinner as you would normally eat it and always include 1 thing she likes.  Like mandarin oranges, yogurt, strawberries.  Whatever just keep that on the side so she has something.  

If you continue to give in she will continue to not eat what is offered.  I also would not spend an hour trying to get her to eat.  I would sit her at the table with her food and at 30 minutes be done if she is.  I also don't understand why she'd wake up in the middle of the night because she didn't eat dinner.  My kids skip dinner all of the time and have never woken up in the middle of the night hungry.  If you're afraid of that though give her a bedtime snack.  Just make sure you brush her teeth after.  

I'm afraid of that happening, because it's happened before.  She woke up several times before she finally signed/said "eat" and I realized she was awake because she was hungry. I used to always make sure she had something she'd like, plus what we were serving. It usually ended in her just asking for more of what she liked and refusing the rest, and what she seemed to like one day she'd refuse a few days later.  But I will continue trying to offer one thing she likes (like her favorite fruit or something)...I  like the suggestion of ending the meal at 30 min and maybe offering her dinner again before bed if she's acting hungry...I don't want to make a habbit of her not eating dinner and then getting a snack before bed.

ashiscute

LimaD said:

ashiscute said:

Serve dinner as you would normally eat it and always include 1 thing she likes.  Like mandarin oranges, yogurt, strawberries.  Whatever just keep that on the side so she has something.  

If you continue to give in she will continue to not eat what is offered.  I also would not spend an hour trying to get her to eat.  I would sit her at the table with her food and at 30 minutes be done if she is.  I also don't understand why she'd wake up in the middle of the night because she didn't eat dinner.  My kids skip dinner all of the time and have never woken up in the middle of the night hungry.  If you're afraid of that though give her a bedtime snack.  Just make sure you brush her teeth after.  

I'm afraid of that happening, because it's happened before.  She woke up several times before she finally signed/said "eat" and I realized she was awake because she was hungry. I used to always make sure she had something she'd like, plus what we were serving. It usually ended in her just asking for more of what she liked and refusing the rest, and what she seemed to like one day she'd refuse a few days later.  But I will continue trying to offer one thing she likes (like her favorite fruit or something)...I  like the suggestion of ending the meal at 30 min and maybe offering her dinner again before bed if she's acting hungry...I don't want to make a habbit of her not eating dinner and then getting a snack before bed.

I usually offer my kids dessert or a before bedtime snack.  Just a couple strawberries or splitting a banana.  Sometimes we do ice cream.  We eat dinner usually between 5 and 530 and then they go to bed between 8- 830 so I don't think it's unreasonable for them to want something.  It's offered regardless of whether they eat dinner well or not.  Toddlers are weird about food.  The other day we had quesadillas for dinner and DD was clapping her hands and singing about how excited she was to eat quesadillas all through dinner prep and then when it was time to eat had maybe 2 bites.  

Regarding the middle of the night wake up she may have been waking up because she was hungry or just waking up and saying she was hungry.  My kids wake up in the middle of the night and give crazy reasons why.  Unless she is consistently not eating each meal and her pedi is concerned about her weight I wouldn't worry about this.  

MrsG071809

I have always had a good eater, so I can't speak from experience with the crying/screaming battle - but, we have done the same thing pretty much since she started really eating solids, and it's always worked well for us.

DD has always eaten with us - she gets a plate that includes whatever we are eating, usually with a fruit or veggie added (really just depends on what we are having).  We used to put the plate on the table, and then scoop bits of each thing onto her highchair tray, but recently we switched to just giving her the whole plate and she can eat as much or as little of whatever is on there as she wants.  (this helped with her only eating one thing, then asking for more - because she saw it on her plate still, and having to "negotiate" what she ate.  I'd rather give her a plate of all things I'm fine with her eating, and let her decide, than start a habit of telling her she needs to eat more broccoli then she can have more cheese, etc.  Now if she asks for more of something we tell her if she finishes her plate she can have more.  This works much better, and often she does eat the whole plate and then gets more of the one thing she liked best.). 

Some nights it seems like she doesn't eat as much as I'd like her to, but I consistently give her a plate of good options, and let her dictate what she eats.  She's never woken up in the middle of the night and said she was hungry, so I feel like she's getting plenty.  We also did BLW, so she has always been in control of what she eats, and I think that has really helped.  There are a handful of things she doesn't like, and we don't make a big deal about it - if she spits it out, we say that's ok, just put it back on your plate and eat something else! and she does.

I also think PP has a good point...dinner isn't the only meal they eat all day, and I think a lot of times for us she doesn't eat much because she had a big lunch, and lots of snacks, so she just isn't that hungry.  I like the idea of teaching her to eat when she's hungry, not just because there is food.  I don't want to force her to eat when she's not hungry, that seems like it will have bad implications later in life.

LimaD

I agree too about not wanting to make DD eat just because it's time to eat. I want her to eat when she's hungry.  But I guess what was frustrating last night was she WAS hungry and wouldn't even TRY the food I put in front of her.  There have been times where she's tried something, spit it out, and didn't want it... I get that and I don't expect her to eat a plate of food she doesn't like.  But times like last night are more frequent, where she won't even try the food but she IS hungry and wants to eat.  
 IDK, I will try not to stress about it but it gets tiring and frustrating.  I guess if I just keep offering her at least one thing she likes, plus what we are eating...maybe things will eventually improve. 

greyt00

Eating sucks.  DS1 has ASD.  Eating has been pure hell.  We are slowly expanding his diet with an intense feeding program at ABA therapy.  Every time I see "he won't starve", I roll my eyes.  That's true for most kids, I guess.  DS1 ate so little he was not even growing normally for awhile.  When DS2 came along and ate a lot of what we ate for 2-3 months, I was SO happy and I thought maybe I was getting a break.  I deserved an easier time!  Then around 11 months he limited to about 10 foods.  I did the wrong thing and catered to him.  I did it because he actually ate some healthy, good foods, just not that many of them.  We continued offering our food and I continued hoping he'd pick up new foods now and then.  He hasn't.  He eats 2 vegetables and no fruit besides applesauce.  He eats scrambled eggs and omelets but no other meat besides fish sticks and chicken nuggets.  And bacon.  He wouldn't touch (homemade) chili or rice tonight but eventually ate some tortilla chips dipped in chili.  Yay?  This was after he ate a bunch of zucchini.  Many days all he eats is veggies and a cheese stick for dinner.  The cheese stick is to tide him over until dinner is ready after we all get home on the nights it can't be ready instantly.  I continue alternating the same 2 veggies every day because they are good things and he would get constipated if he didn't eat them.  That's sure not going to help.  I'm very skeptical he would be eating more variety now had I done the "right thing" and offered him almost nothing else.  We'll never know, but there are many days where he eats almost nothing at day care and still won't eat dinner (only veggies).  He cried the other night because he was still hungry.  We calmed him down somehow and he went to bed hungry.  It sucks.  I wonder if there will ever be a time when this is easier for at least one of my kids.  I'm sure it doesn't help that DS2 sees DS1 eating entirely different food than Mom and Dad, but I can't do anything about it.  Ugh.  And DS2 has not picked up the few good foods that DS1 now eats.