When you travel for work...

MommyAtty

I'm traveling for the first time since DS was born. I traveled some when DD was a baby, up to when DS was born, and I was a lot less stressed. I'm worried about how DH is going to juggle 2 kids for essentially 4 days. I'm in charge of getting DD ready for school on school days, so DH has never done that routine. I think that's my area of greatest anxiety. Our kids are really easy and are great sleepers, and DH is good with them. But I really want to make it as easy on him as possible.

I already made lists of (1) appropriate lunches and snacks for DD bc I always do her lunch and snack for preschool, (2) what he needs to pack for her for school (4 diapers with her name on them, her folder, her sippy cup, her nap mat), and (3) dinner ideas that are quick and won't cause a struggle with DD. I also plan to lay out her clothes for the week so he doesn't have to think about that. (Ok, and so she doesn't look like an orphan bc DH tends to not match her socks to her outfit, for example. Lol.). Anything else you guys do that I may have forgotten?

chloebeth930

Call my mother and have her stay with them?  Haha... no j/k (kinda).

If you are trying to make things easier, instead of writing a list for the lunches and snacks, can you do meal prep ahead of time?  I think that would help ease the strain.

 

jlaOK

I just left DH with both kids for a week and he did great.

Some things that I did to make his life easier was to plan out meals for the week for him.  I also cooked double the week before so he had some leftovers of the kids favorite meals and also had a couple of frozen meals ready for him.  I always lay out the kids clothes for the week so that is also a huge help.  We give the kids the same thing for breakfast every morning.  It helps take out the guess work and helps with DS because he knows what to expect.  Lastly, I agree with @chloebeth930 that I would try and pack ahead of time as much of the lunches as possible.  I'd even consider some pre-packaged items.  Applegate just put out these https://applegate.com/halftime grab and go lunches.  Pretty much like a lunchable but much healthier.

dashofreality

Agree with PPs. Instead of a list, actually lay things out as much as possible. Can you do a bin for each day you are gone? Clothes, diapers with name, and maybe a note about the other stuff?

My DH sounds like your H, good with the kids, but it is difficult to pick up in the middle of someone else's routine. I left him 'easy' dinners that were mostly made but for the non-cook, it was still too overwhelming and the kids got fishsticks and nuggets. Which is fine, but if you can separate out meals snack into containers it will probably work much better. I also swear that my husband isn't incompetent and that I am not a control freak like this sounds!

minirella

I think you should just leave the list of what needs to be brought to school and stop with the rest. Husbands need to figure it out or they'll be clueless forever. We can't be there to direct everything.

DiveFrog

catbenatar said:

I think you're doing enough. At some point, it's sink or swim time, KWIM? He'll be fine.

This exactly. I stressed so much the first 2 weeks I had to travel. I quickly realized that making sure EVERYTHING was perfect and packed and ready to go Sunday evening before I left was going to take way too much effort and time every weekend. 

Bottom line, I knew DD would be cleaned, clothed, fed and loved while I was gone. Most certainly not int he exact same way she was when I was home, but I just let DH do his thing. We all survived

MommyAtty

minirella said:

I think you should just leave the list of what needs to be brought to school and stop with the rest. Husbands need to figure it out or they'll be clueless forever. We can't be there to direct everything.

That's where DH comes down on this argument. I offered to cook dinners in advance. Nope. He can handle it. I offered to pack lunch. Nope. He can handle it. The only thing he agreed with was having his parents pick up the kids in the morning (they are daycare) to make it easier on him. He's considering having his mom come help with dinner and DD while he puts DS to bed, but that's doubtful bc DD acts out when Grandma is around in the evenings. He laughed at my lists until he read them. Then he admitted the one for preschool was helpful. The others are Exhibits G-I in the "wow, you are Type A-control-freaky" category.

2chatter

I have a pad of a calendar type thing with a column for each day. I do one page for each child and provide DH literally all of the information he could possibly want. Then I take a picture of it. Because inevitably he will realize as he is stuck behind an accident on the highway that he will be late to pick up DD from a playdate and freak out, despite knowing I told him that all the contacts have been entered into his phone.  Or something.

I send him the pic, too. So he can reference it. I include details then leave him to execute. I do get him an evening sitter if for some reason I think things will be harder than he can handle. I usually pack Monday's lunch the Sunday night, so that's one morning he doesn't have to worry about.  But other than that, he is equally responsible for these three kids. I just have to realize he doesn't do things on my timetable, my way or sometimes at all, and so far, no one has been damaged in any way.

banks81

Wow - I'm impressed with all that you ladies do!  My DD is only 5 months, so we don't have to deal with solid foods for lunch/dinner, yet, but my DH handles everything on his own.  I travel a few days every twice a month, so he has to do pickup/drop off all of those days, in addition to dropping off most other days (I do pick up).  Other than telling him where the bottle labels are for daycare, I don't do anything to prep.  That could change as she gets older, but I would be surprised.   

Virgo17

I think it's fine to want to make things easier on the spouse who is staying home.  However, I would caution against doing EVERYTHING.  I think it's good for Dads to get the experience with the day-to-day responsibilities.  I would probably lay out outfits because my DH is horrendous at matching clothing, but I would trust him to figure out packing lunches, cooking dinner, etc.  These are big boys we are talking about here

Katelobster

In addition to that, I'd just make sure the house is stocked with everything... not just groceries, but pet food, baby tylenol, dish soap, etc. My husband is the one that travels for work and running out of something while he's gone sucks... there's no option to run out and get something after they're in bed, so you get stuck running to a busy store for one item with a cranky kid on a weeknight.

jlaOK

bearsbearsbears said:

minirella said:

I think you should just leave the list of what needs to be brought to school and stop with the rest. Husbands need to figure it out or they'll be clueless forever. We can't be there to direct everything.

I think that's kind of ridiculous.  MH and I are familiar with different parts of our kids' routine because we split responsibilities.  When one of us has to travel, we brief each other on the routines and try to help out as much as possible before we leave.  This help things go smoothly for the whole family. 

It has nothing to do with my spouse being clueless and everything to do with parenting solo is hard work.  The only thing it sounds like the OP's husband is clueless about is matching (and OMG, I feel you on that.  I once asked if my 2.5 year old picked out her outfit since stripes and plaid were involved.  MH was highly insulted.).

I've got to agree with this.  MH is definitely not clueless and at does his 50% share of kid/house stuff (maybe even more).  But......2 kids by yourself is TOUGH.  I happily do whatever I can to make it easier for him because he travels too and I know how hard it is to take on 100% for both kids.

minirella

I wasn't referring to the OP's husband, just some husbands in general. There are few moms in my local moms group that can't even go to the store alone because their husbands can't manage for an hour, or at least that is what they say. None of them are working moms. I always comment that I hope they don't die. I'll be honest, my husband know nothing about newborn care. He barely lifted a finger when we came home with our first cause I did it all. I doubt he'll have that luxury with the twins. If you're always doing it for them, they have no reason to figure it out for themselves. My husband is great but he had to adapt when I went back to work. I don't have time to write a manual. I don't think all men are created equal when it comes to taking care of children.

litzo27

When I travel DH usually does take-out for dinner and for lunches he swings by a bagel shop and gets them a bagel with egg and cheese plus a yogurt. Not how I do dinners and lunches but it works for them and makes life easy. I don't really care how he dresses the boys since I know it will be weather appropriate.

MommyAtty

Thanks, all! DH is great with the kids and does his fair share around the house. And I've ensured he's done each kid's bath and bedtime routines. (We generally divide and conquer those.) I'm just worried because it's 3 nights away, and it is HARD being by yourself. He used to travel a full week out of every month, and he just switched jobs in part to lose the extended travel. He would leave Sunday night and return either Friday late or Saturday. Even with one kid, that sucked. My travel is usually only 1 night away. This longer trip is an exception to the rule. I'm really combining 4 trips in one this time. He's talking about taking off Friday so he can catch up on all the little stuff he won't be able to do in the evenings, like laundry. He really is pretty great.

2chatter

DH categorically takes a day or half day of PTO if I am gone for more than two nights/three days.  He just gets a little overwhelmed with our three and their schedules and his demanding work life. ENJOY your time away - focus on you and what you want to eat and when and where...no kid imposed limits. My last T&E was four different breweries/bars which made me laugh, but I had a great trip and came home refreshed.

sdlaura

banks81 said:

Wow - I'm impressed with all that you ladies do!  My DD is only 5 months, so we don't have to deal with solid foods for lunch/dinner, yet, but my DH handles everything on his own.  I travel a few days every twice a month, so he has to do pickup/drop off all of those days, in addition to dropping off most other days (I do pick up).  Other than telling him where the bottle labels are for daycare, I don't do anything to prep.  That could change as she gets older, but I would be surprised.  

I never did anything extra for travel when we had one kid, but I think two kids is different.  Once you're on your own and you're outnumbered, it's a lot harder to just wing it.  I think the OP has a good idea to have a lot of stuff prepped in advance.

OP, since we had #2 and I travel a good amount, I try to lay out clothes and have plenty of food prepped in advance, and before DS was sleep trained and could go to bed on his own when I stuck him in the crib, I also hired a babysitter (a local grandma) to help with just an hour at bedtime when I traveled.  DH can dress the kids just fine on his own, but it was one less thing for him to have to think about.  It wasn't like he couldn't do bedtime on his won either, but the bedtime hour was pretty stressful with 2 under 2, so it made it a lot easier.