Intro & Loss mentioned

chihiro76

Hi All,

I'm sad to say that I am on this board, but it's nice to know it is here. My husband and I recently had our twins born sleeping at 20 1/2 weeks. This was the most devastating news we have ever heard in our lives, and the most ironic, my baby girls were born on 9/11.

Our doctor gave us the go ahead to start trying as soon as we want to, and I thought I would be ready, but I just don't think I am. Did anyone else feel similar? I want a baby, and noone can ever replace my girls, but I know I am not ready. Just wanted to vent a little bit. There are some days I don't even want to get out of bed but I do it for my husband.

Anyway, just wanted to introduce myself and say to all of you, I am so sorry for all of your losses. I feel your pain.

Bgirma

I am so sorry for your loss. If you feel comfortable sharing, we'd love to know the names of your sweet girls.

How you are feeling is completely normal. I lost my son in December at 39 weeks and for months I felt like I'd
never be ready to try again. Trying to conceive after a loss brings a lot of difficult emotions. My only advice is to be kind to yourself, try therapy (if that's something you'd like to do) and listen to your feelings.

Sending thoughts to you and your family.

bunnybun4

I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet girls.  big ((hugs))

Mel&John2013

*******siggy warning

I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet baby girls.

The decision to try to conceive after a loss is a big and personal decision. If you feel you're not ready then just give yourself time to grieve. It's ok to do that. There's no right or wrong answer, it's only what feels right for your family. 

chihiro76

Thank you so much for your kinds words, it makes me feel like my husband and I are not alone.


@Bgirma, our daughters names were Nari Grace and Norah Winter, to be honest, that was the first time I wrote those names out and seeing them makes me smile and yet ache for them.

We will miss them dearly, I don't think it's something you ever get over right? You just have to learn to live life differently.

mmsweeney1

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Beautiful names for your girls! I know you miss them so much and you always will. Hopefully with time you'll know if you're ready to try again. So sorry for your terrible loss and hugs to you!

VyD81

*siggy warning* 

I'm sorry for the loss of your girls, Nari and Norah. It's up to you and your husband when you are ready to try again. For us, it's due to our ages and we have a strong desire to parent a living child.

lexusolsen

I'm so sorry for your losses. We have decided to wait to allow ourselves time to grieve. The decision is so personal though and there are many factors to consider. I've heard that once your desire to have another baby outweighs your fear, you are ready.

Littleowl913

I'm sorry for your losses. I feel like I'm being unjustly deprived of a living child so I impatiently want to start trying again but I know I need to completely heal before I can. Hopefully by the time I am physically cleared (still dealing with BP issues) I'll be ready emotionally.

msunshine123

I am so sorry for the loss of your girls. Nari Grace and Norah Winter are such beautiful names. I agree with the poster who wrote it is a very personal decision for when you choose to try again and it's one that you need to make that is best for you and your family. It's true - you will always miss your girls and you never can get over loosing your children. You just learn to live with it and parent your children in new ways. There was a great article a few threads back on how you don't move on from your grief, but you let it move in - that I think really described it well for me. Keeping you and your family in my T&Ps. ((hugs))

chihiro76

Thank you all so much to everyone. It truly makes me feel like I am not alone, and when you are grieving the loss of your sleeping babies, you sometimes feel like no one understands. I am glad I found this board.

CherryPicked

I am so sorry for your loss of beautiful Nari and Norah.  It is definitely a personal decision to decide when to try again, but I have also chosen to give myself time to grieve.  Do what is best for your family.  I hope that you find this board a source of support and comfort like I have.  Praying for you and your family!

stefuge

I am so sorry for your loss of sweet Nari and Norah. No one wants to join this group and I am sorry you are here. We are all here whenever you need us, so feel free to vent, yell, cry, whatever. We get it.

The decision to try again is a tough one and very personal. We waited a year, both for our own personal reasons to give us time to grieve, and also at the encouragement of my doctor. We are currently in our second month trying, and it is tough. I want to be pregnant so bad, and yet I'm also so nervous to do it all again. Give yourself - there is no right or wrong answer. When you're ready you'll know, and it's okay if you aren't right away.

AshersMom11

I am so sorry for the loss of your girls. We were told to wait 6 cycles to heal physically and then we could try when we felt ready emotionally. Our loss was in May so we are planning on trying in the next month. It is a really tough decision because of the fear of another loss but like lexusolsen said, even though that fear is still there, our desire for a baby has outgrown the fear. Only you will know when the time is right for you. Hugs.

CheesyPeas

I am so sorry for your loss of Nari and Norah.  Beautiful names for I'm sure were beautiful little girls. 

We were told to wait for two periods before trying again and decided to jump in after that.  Upon leaving the hospital without Layla though, I was certain I couldn't try again knowing the pain of when things go wrong.  Sometime between then and my follow-up appointment with my OB, that feeling passed and I asked her when we could try again.  We're off the bench now and trying largely due to the fact that it took 18 cycles to conceive Layla and I don't want to waste anymore time but I still have waves of thinking "what the hell are we doing going down this path again?"  Most days I'm back to feeling anxious to be pregnant again.  You'll know what's right for you. It could be a month from now.  It could be a year from now.  It could be even longer.  All of those are completely normal and completely okay.  And when you decide to make the leap, know that there are plenty of us around here trying to work through the emotions of trying again. 

Until then, just be gentle with yourself and know that whatever you manage to "accomplish" in a day is enough.  "Today I got out of bed and brushed my teeth."  That's great.  Seriously.  "Today I managed to choke down a whole piece of toast."  I know how hard it is to push through that sick feeling, so nice job.  "Today I put on shoes, got the mail in, and opened some of it."  You get the idea but seriously, small things like that are hard in the beginning and shouldn't be downplayed.  It does get easier to function with time though; I promise.  The gaping hole in my heart is still as big as it was the day we lost Layla but day by day I'm learning to function with it.

Manada

I am so sorry for your loss.  Your babies' names are beautiful - Nari and Norah will be remembered in the world.

We too lost our twin girls, Tavin & Casey - at exactly 21 weeks exactly.   That was 16 weeks ago today.   I can't say it gets easier, it doesn't really - I feel less "fog" now, and some days I feel less fearful and more able to cope with the world, but we still have big cries, and we have days when our hearts ache, and we still break down saying that we just want them back.    I will echo what others are saying above, just do what you can and be gentle with yourself.   Some days just getting out of bed is my accomplishment for the day, other days I go to work and do work, some days I go to work and just move things around in my office.   I didn't go back to work until 15 weeks after our loss.

Take the time for you, no rush.   I was scared for at least two months to leave the house, every time I went out was carefully planned to avoid triggers and see as few people and children as possible - the only places I went were therapy and infant-loss support groups.   

If it helps you, some of the places that have been helpful for me are the baby-loss communities on facebook and online.   The boards are here, StillStanding.com is a wonderful resource, and there are many many pages on Facebook for organizations devoted to supporting parents through the loss of their babies.    I am hugely appreciative for their presence.

Hugs to you.  

Noethola

**siggy warning**

I am so very sorry that you are joining the group, because of the loss of your daughters. Please know we are here for you.

Pregnancy after a loss is a long emotional road. And the decision is very personal. We were cleared to try again right away, but we waited a few months. I hold my rainbow after a long journey. You do not forget the child or children you lost. They are a part of you.

Carolee

I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious babies.