New to The Bump, My Intro

Flurison

Hi I'm new to this site.  I've been lurking on here a few days and it seems intros are the way to start.  Here is mine.  Sorry it's a bit long, thanks for listening.

My husband and I started TTC June 2014.  We got our BFP 9/7/14 at CD 29.  My last cycle was 31 days so I thought I would wait until my period was late to call the doctor.  On CD 31 I cried on the way to work after I POAS because I wanted to see a darker positive and it looked the same as the first BPF (in hindsight I think this meant very little).  I called the doctor that day and she wanted to see me the same day to confirm the pregnancy.  I went in and got a negative result on the urine test, and the blood test came back later that day with an HCG of 26 and they considered that low.  The doctor said the count could be low for a number of reasons: CP, ectopic, bad position.  She also said everything could be fine.  I went back for a second blood test two days later.  HCG was 69.  I was ecstatic.  The doctor said everything looked as it should for an early pregnancy and that she wanted to see me the next week for a follow-up visit.  The next week I started bleeding on the same day I was scheduled for my follow-up.  My doctor could not get a positive read on a urine test and told me I was likely having a miscarriage.  The miscarriage was confirmed the following day after an ultrasound.

I’m sad.  Not as sad as I was last month but every now and then I feel like its brand new again and my emotions are raw.  My doctor took me out of work for four days. The day I came back I was in the parking lot and an 8 month pregnant coworker parked her car next to mine.  Maybe if she was just pregnant it wouldn’t have been that bad but I know it’s her third kid, an ‘oops I’m pregnant’ baby, and that she was so upset went she found out.  That sucked.

My doctor didn't put me on the bench. She just said we could TTC again when we were ready.  I’ve pulled out my bulk OPK strips from amazon.com again but I really don’t have the same enthusiasm I did as the last time we used them.  The test strip results have all looked the same right now for about a week straight.  I have no idea where I am right now in terms of CDs; I just want AF to show up and hit the reset button.

I have had women share with me in the past about a miscarriage and now I feel I was insensitive or just not in the know about it.  I didn't know how upsetting a miscarriage was until now.  Anyway I've rambled on long enough.  I’m hoping I can find some people who I can relate to and share with.    

meredithcarole

So sorry for your loss. It is hard for anyone to really understand a miscarriage if they have been through one. Take your time TTC again. Make sure you have given yourself enough time emotionally. The entire TTCAL process can be hard. Welcome to the board.

uromys

I'm sorry for your loss. I can understand feeling like you've lacked compassion towards a miscarriage in the past. Most have no idea the pain until they are faced with it. I never could of imagined how it would consume my life until now. Take your time with TTC again. Emotionally the first cycle was hardest for me even though we were benched. I hope you find comfort in our tiny community and gather the strength to continue your journey. Best wishes.

alm288

I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you can find some comfort here. welcome.

[Deleted User]

I'm sorry for your loss, welcome to the board.

renegadewhit

I'm so sorry for your loss. Welcome to the board.

ctk181

Welcome. I'm so sorry for your loss.

jjbmstinco

Welcome. I am sorry for your loss.

jms627

Very sorry for your loss - welcome to the board.  Be gentle with yourself during the TTCAL process

blovemama

Welcome. I'm sorry for your loss. This is a great group of women. 

Elliecat17

Welcome to the board. I'm so sorry for your loss and that you have to be here, but I'm glad you found us because this really is a great place. Take time to heal, and don't rush into TTC until you are good and ready!  ((HUGS))

mflowers929

Welcome to the board. I'm sorry for your loss.

ashlee113085

I'm so sorry for your loss. Welcome to the board. 

rslh10

I am so sorry for your loss. Welcome to the board.

Flurison

Thank you ladies for your welcome and support.

centralperk

I am so sorry for your loss. Welcome to the board. It is hard to be patient and wait for your body to reset and have AF come. I have those same feelings.