Moms of 3 year old monsters help

dmartin726

I am at my wits end with DD. I don't know if it's a "3 year old" thing or if she is just out of control. We have good times and we have times where I literally want to
cry bc I don't know what I am doing
wrong. 70% of the time She flat out doesn't listen, does ignores me, does things she knows she isn't supposed to do, talks back, and is basically a spoiled brat. The rest of the time she is an angel and such a sweet girl. How do I get that kid to stick around more. I do it all alone everyday bc DH is always at work so I know I'm losing patience with her fast at this point but I can't help it. I really don't know what I'm doing wrong, or if this is just what it is at this age. I am exhausted from fighting with her all day long and it sucks that it is like this. It's really shitty.

HeatherS2010

If it makes you feel better, that's my kid, too. Defiant, boundary pushing, won't listen...yikes.
Time outs work if only for me to regroup and keeping him busy also works to keep him from purposely doing stuff he knows is bad.
I'm hoping all of my endless repeating if consequences will eventually pay off.

dmartin726

Ah well at least I'm not alone. It's just frustrating. I know there's a great kid in there. And it sucks that I think she goes to bed some nights thinking I'm angry with her (bc I am) but that's shitty. By the time I just got her either asleep and went in there to discuss, she was already sleeping.

fancefpp

I could have written this! DS1 has turned into a sulky, moody teen over night. He ignored me, has tantrums, just completely defiant unless he gets what he wants when he wants it. I find that choices help a little bit but not enough!

zbeesma86

Thus far you've described Z. & she's 2-- I'm so screwed. I'm terrified of 3. 

I lose my patience fast too. I've starting counting backwards from 5. Or 10. Depending on what she's doing. It helps me not freak out so fast! 

Z has been super sensitive lately so if I raise my voice or sound angry she cries and asks if "mommy is mad/sad?" Then I say something about her behavior & how we need to work as a team. How big girls don't act that way. How we use our words instead of whatever she decided to do instead. 

Hugs mama! & lots of wine  

fancynewbeesly

zbeesma86 said:

Thus far you've described Z. & she's 2-- I'm so screwed. I'm terrified of 3. 

I lose my patience fast too. I've starting counting backwards from 5. Or 10. Depending on what she's doing. It helps me not freak out so fast! 

Z has been super sensitive lately so if I raise my voice or sound angry she cries and asks if "mommy is mad/sad?" Then I say something about her behavior & how we need to work as a team. How big girls don't act that way. How we use our words instead of whatever she decided to do instead. 

Hugs mama! & lots of wine  

_______________________ (stuck in box)

This may work to your favor at 3. Reese is like that, and she HATES disappointing us. She seriously bursts into tears if we ever look at her stern or raise our voice. Needless to say, because of that she doesn't act out much now. (at three)

dmartin726

fancynewbeesly said:

zbeesma86 said:

Thus far you've described Z. & she's 2-- I'm so screwed. I'm terrified of 3. 

I lose my patience fast too. I've starting counting backwards from 5. Or 10. Depending on what she's doing. It helps me not freak out so fast! 

Z has been super sensitive lately so if I raise my voice or sound angry she cries and asks if "mommy is mad/sad?" Then I say something about her behavior & how we need to work as a team. How big girls don't act that way. How we use our words instead of whatever she decided to do instead. 

Hugs mama! & lots of wine  

_______________________ (stuck in box)

This may work to your favor at 3. Reese is like that, and she HATES disappointing us. She seriously bursts into tears if we ever look at her stern or raise our voice. Needless to say, because of that she doesn't act out much now. (at three)

Mini will come out of her room (after being sent in there) crying hysterically.. Mama don't be mad at me, mama I love you, mama I'm sorry. But then 5 minutes later is acting out again. Wahhh

vlagrl29

I feel ya!  I hear 4 and 5 are much better ages and we are only 6 months away from 4.  Fingers crossed!  I'm just so thankful that i have DH on nights and weekends otherwise I would be a nutcase.  Earlier this week she threw such a tantrum that she pissed her pants and almost made her self sick.  She never told me what was wrong until after the fact.  I guess she wanted to go to Nana's house.

I try not to beat up on myself too much because she is fabulous in school and dance class.  My mom came to watch her dance yesterday and was shocked by how well she followed direction and listened.

bumpuser8448316

3 is the worst. Be consistent, firm and loving. Eventually she'll start acting like a normal person. Does she go to preschool? Preschool helped a LOT with DS's behavior and attitude. Something that always helped me was repeating a quote my mom's BFF told me: children need a hug when they least deserve one. It made me remember that no matter how big of an asshole DS was being, he was only 3, he was my sweet boy and he still needed love and huge. Even when I wanted to scream and yellC

notkateanymore

Is it the move? New school, new house?

mandymack

Oohhh yeah, we are about 80%lovely/20%monster over here.

I love all the above suggestions about trying to have extra patience (wish they sold this at Target!!!) surrounding those things you know set her off.

With Nolan, I find he has to be BUSY or the boredom makes him transform. We sneak into his sister's room when she's at school and play with her toys, we take scooter rides around the neighborhood every single day (it's easy and FREE!), I let him stand on a chair and watch me cook/bake - this is a new thrill for him - and I literally sit down on the floor WITH him and build things with Legos, drive his toy cars around the train tracks, do puzzles, shoot hoops, draw, etc. throughout the day, more so when I see he's loosing his shit over me being preoccupied with chores or Emily.

I find more prompts to help him transition between activities also helps a great deal. "Okay, Nolan, as soon as the timer goes off, we have to put your shoes on and go pick Emily up from school" or "... we have to sit down and have lunch" or "it's time to take a bath and put your PJs on". Does that make sense? He loves setting the oven timer and recognizes the sound when it goes off.

Good luck, we're all in this with you!

dmartin726

notkateanymore said:

Is it the move? New school, new house?

I think it's everything. Just a huge combination. Her teacher says she is so well behaved so I'm glad it's not spilling over, but man when she is home it is rough. No matter how hard I try to stick to how we used to do it so it's not so different being in a new place

vlagrl29

NandaB said:

Erm...I've heard magical things about 4?

NandaB said:

Erm...I've heard magical things about 4?

You've heard magical things about the fuck you fours?

You shut your face right now. Its the only thing keeping me from putting an ad on craigslist

me too. LOL

Louie4real

I had an intelligent thing written here...but then I started thinking about 3 year olds, and my eyes glazed over.

Sorry. It gets better? ::nervous laugh::

Stephij1

I'm new here (hi!), but I could have written this word for word. My DD just turned three and holy hell she's a terror lately! We started doing something where when she does something good (eats dinner without complaining, cleans up her toys, etc) she gets to put one of those fuzzy craft pom poms in a jar. When she's a brat, we take one out. When the jar gets full, we go to the dollar store and she gets to pick out a toy. It's not perfect, but having the visual reminder on the kitchen table seems to help her.
It does make me feel better to know that my usually sweet, precocious little girl is not the only one who is acting like a snot.