~ Loss Check-In ~

CherryPicked

Hi ladies, I hope you have been kind to yourselves this week.  

Welcome to the check-in! I am sorry to have to welcome new loss moms this week but am so glad that you have found us. I hope we can bring each other some much needed comfort and support. Please feel free to join in when you are ready and share as much or as little as you wish. Also, if you have any questions you would like answered, just ask! Any lurkers out there please don't be shy, we would like to be able to support you too. 

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? 

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? 

QOTW: Are you considering having more children?  How do you feel about it?

CherryPicked

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? 

Not really.  This week has been hard for me, I think because last week was busy and I didn't have a chance to grieve Caroline's half birthday.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? 

I am still working on being productive at work.  I am much more productive than I was this summer, but I still have a ways to go.

QOTW: Are you considering having more children?  How do you feel about it?

Yes, I plan on having at least 2 more children.  Caroline was my first child and DH and I have always wanted several children.  I feel hopeful but terrified.  There is less than a 1% chance of another Trisomy 13 diagnosis, but we've already been that less than 1% so the statistic is not reassuring.  I have days where I am antsy to start TTC and other days where I am glad that we are taking our time to grieve. 

mrslucid

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

Not really.  It's been a month since we lost Ava and it still seems surreal.  Everyday is a struggle.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself?  Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

Just trying to make it through this next week then we are going up to visit my parents.  It's been difficult to concentrate and stay focused at work.

QOTW: Are you considering having more children? How do you feel about it?

Before Ava passed, no- mostly due to the cost of childcare.  Now, yes we want to give her a younger sibling.  I don't know when, the thought of it right now scares me. 

Manada

Hi Everyone,

I haven't been around lately, I have been vascillating between depression, despair, and generally just being okay for the last couple of months, and TB has been hard for me because my phone, computer and other places all 'remember' that I used to spend alot of time on the multiples, PAIF, LGBT, and other boards, and so when I come here I often see those ones pop up as 'options' first...  bah....

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? 
@healz413 and I are participating in "Capture Your Grief"   -- we made a tumblr for our posts and shared it on Facebook with our friends and family.  The process has so far been a good one, and a nice way for us to connect through our thoughts of the babies and our own takes on the topics.   I am really enjoying it so far as a project we can do together.
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
I am back at work as of this week, so now I'm just building my stamina to be there and working on developing my focus and skills again in that.   It feels strange to be back, and in some ways I feel that "grief fog" more strongly the more I try to get out there and do more.   I'm realizing that it's hanging on, I have problems concentrating, and with short term memory that I experienced after we first lost the babies, and that I thought had gone away, but it seems like they are more pronounced now that I am spending my days doing things that require more cognition.  My office is being very supportive so far though, so I hope it'll be okay....

QOTW: Are you considering having more children?  How do you feel about it?
We are, for sure.  We will do a frozen transfer of our last embryo in the fall sometime, depending on circumstances medically and financially.   Because of what happened with us, and my own feelings about my body, I won't be carrying our next babies.   It wasn't specifically the cervix that caused our issues, but it was related, and I couldn't live with it if we transferred other embryos to me and we lost them again in the same way -- especially since we have the option of trying my partner's uterus.   Perhaps in the future I will be willing to try again, but right now it's not on the table.   I feel sad about that, and angry at my body, and sure I will have many, MANY feelings about it if we succeed in getting my partner pregnant; but the bottom line is that having an alive baby is the most important, so that's where my focus is right now.

forevermyfenix

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
A few actually. I went back to internship for a day and I really enjoyed it. It was a nice distraction as well. Well, not really a distraction because not a minute goes by that I don't think of Fenix, but it focused more on present life than loss if that makes any sense. We also got Fenix's pictures in the mail on the same day as we got the rainbow baby wrap I purchased. Call me crazy for buying a baby wearing wrap with no LC, but it's a symbol of hope for me plus I can cuddle and hold it.
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
Next goal is a full week at internship. After we got the pictures I took the rest of the week off so I can spend some time with them and give myself permission to cry over then if I needed.
QOTW: Are you considering having more children? How do you feel about it?
Yes we would like to ttc again in February. We were so ready to be parents. Some days I just ache to get pregnant again sooner, but I know it's best we wait at least until January.

shandorfml2

***siggy warning**

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? We participated in our Remembrance Walk this morning. It was a good turn out. I got more emotional then I expected but it was great to see everyone

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? I'm not sure. I'm continuing therapy and that has been helpful

QOTW: Are you considering having more children?  How do you feel about it? *pr

shandorfml2

for some reason the last part of my post didn't show up. 

*Pgal`mentioned

I am currently pregnant.We've always wanted 3-4 kids. We'll see how this pregnancy goes and go from there

Littleowl913

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? DH and I have been talking a lot more to each other about how we have been feeling - disbelief, anger and jealousy. Both us of have been stifling these convos in an attempt to be "strong" for each other. It was good to let it out and here he's been thinking the same thing. What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? Still trying to focus on my health and BP. If I don't walk in the morning, DH and I will walk after dinner. Stuck with it for the week and BP has been going down so hoping to keep it up! QOTW: Are you considering having more children? How do you feel about it? Yes. I don't have any living children but we have not given up hope that one day God will bless us with one. Everyone says to stay positive but since I'll be considered high risk from here on out, it's scary to think this can happen again.

CherryPicked

@mrslucid - Focusing at work is so hard.  Be easy on yourself - in time you will be able to concentrate more and more.

@Manada - I'm glad your office is being so supportive!  Back to work is hard ((hugs))

@forevermyfenix - Yes, there is never any true distraction because your child is always on your mind.  I'm glad to hear that you are finding yourself able to focus on present life.

@shandorfml2 - A Remembrance Walk is such a great idea.  I'm glad you were able to see everyone and share in that remembrance with everyone.

@Littleowl913 - It's so great that you and your DH are communicating about your grief.  He is the only one who truly understands what you've been through and I'm glad you are supporting each other.

msunshine123

@kderoy -  I know what you mean - once you are one of the rare statistics you can not really compare. Glad you feel you are being more productive, but be patient with yourself - you are doing your best.
@mrslucid - sometimes just taking it one day at a time or one moment at a time is all you can do - and that's ok. Each day we make it through is an accomplishment.
@Manada - We'll be here whenever you need us:) Thinking of you as you are starting back to work and glad you and @healz413 are enjoying the "Capture your Grief."
@forevermyfenix - I hope you enjoyed the pictures of your son. I think it's great that you planned to give yourself some time to grieve with them.
@shandorfml2 - it can be so surprising sometimes the things that can trigger us. I'm glad you had a good turn out for your Remembrance Walk.
@Littleowl913 - it can be so hard and exhausting trying to be the "strong one" and I think it's great that you both took time together to allow yourselves to feel your grief.

msunshine123

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? 
We have been checking out support groups in our area. We moved the end of August. We were lucky in NY we had an amazing group that met 2x/month with at least 8 couples each meeting. We're trying to find a group in our new area that is just as involved.
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? Just to keep going and getting through each day - some days are harder than others, but just trying to keep on pushing on.
QOTW: Are you considering having more children?  How do you feel about it?
We would love to have more children if we can. Our son was our 1st child. We had a m/c at 8 weeks and we were so thrilled when we became pregant shortly afterwards with our son. Then our son died the day he was born due to a cord accident they believe happened when my labor started. I'll be considered high risk and will probably have a scheduled c-section with any future children, but I know I will be terrified. You just can not help but be worried when you've already had something go wrong, but I also want a living child so much.

forevermyfenix

@msunshine123 you seem to be taking some awesome steps! I wish we had more active support groups here. There are some general loss groups, but sitting with people who lost older family members just doesn't seem fitting. I do have one support group here that meets once a month, so there. (((Big hugs)))

LyndseyTS

Hi ladies...I've been absent for quite awhile. I'm back. Blame PAIL Awareness Day (and please take me back!). We had been just trying to get through day to day. We are slowly learning how to live with our loss, but life will never be the same.
Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? 
I've launched my blog. Sort of. Got another job - trying to regain a sense of normal (even if it isn't and won't ever be what it was).
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? 
Keep my blog up and running and stay focused on my business. I've never been much great at sticking to things, but it's been a million times worse since we lost Serenity. I want to keep at it. Going back to what I've said in the past, I want to allow losing her to change me, but not to ruin me, so I'm working at that.
QOTW: Are you considering having more children?  How do you feel about it?
Maybe. We haven't really breached this question because we've been medically benched until January (because of the ridiculousness that went on physically after Serenity was born). Part of me would like to (so would my husband), but I don't now that I'm up for the experience of utter fear everyday for nine months. Call me crazy if you like...