Bullying vs honesty (Caution-Loss trigger in comments )

Poppy715

Do we need to go over the difference? Just because you don't like the answer someone gives you does not mean you are being bullied. Everyone needs to put on their favorite pair of big girl panties.

gsancho

I always liked this article

https://stopthegrbullies.net/criticism-is-not-bullying/

ETA: I also can't stand it when people use the term "haters" - it's so immature and dismissive.  People are trying to critique you to help you, because you're being a dumb ass.

Poppy715

I loved Feb 13s sticky. It was our of control over there. The B word was thrown around daily. I might go steal it and XP.

I think the whole bullying topic is so overblown. Yes it happens but most of the time it's not near as drastic as people name it out to be. It's the everyone here's a medal mentality. I hate that crap. You can disagree and have a conversation without someone being bullied.

Gatorsgirl731

I'm sorry but it is not physically possible for you to be showing at 6 weeks. = Honesty


Read the other 500 threads and the symptoms thread you fat twat! You're not showing. You ate one to many $5 foot longs and need to take a giant shit. = bullying.

shirleymaeby

1. If you didn't take the time to find out if your question has already been answered then you deserve silly gifs.  Silly gifs for silly questions.  When there are literally 4 posts with the same title on the FIRST page, you should take the opportunity to read and respond to those rather than creating a new one.

2. You are not a special snowflake.  Everyone else here is pregnant too.  Got symptoms?  Welcome to the club.  Don't got symptoms?  Also welcome to the club because 25% of us don't and never will.

3. Don't stomp in and think you're going to change the way this board works by admonishing us and calling us bullies.  You're just going to get flamed even more.

4. Can't take it or don't like it?  Too bad.  I hear baby center is welcoming new sensitive snowflakes all the time.  Don't let the door hit ya on your way out.

rivers714

I'm a lurker more than a poster. I do think that sometimes people who have been on here jump on a new persons posts... Some ftm really don't know what to expect and some of the sass they get for normal ftm fears or not knowing how to search is upsetting

DawnLilly

Poppy715 said:

Do we need to go over the difference?

Just because you don't like the answer someone gives you does not mean you are being bullied. Everyone needs to put on their favorite pair of big girl panties.

---Everyone needs to put on their favorite pair of big girl panties.---

This is important. Pretty soon they will not be your favorite big girl panties. They will just be big panties. Everyone should get used to the atmosphere now. Realize that just because someone disagrees with you or gets snarky because you clearly haven't read any other posts, doesn't mean you are getting an internet wedgie.

shirleymaeby

rivers714 said: I'm a lurker more than a poster. I do think that sometimes people who have been on here jump on a new persons posts... Some ftm really don't know what to expect and some of the sass they get for normal ftm fears or not knowing how to search is upsetting


I'm a FTM too.  You know what I do?  I Google.  I read books.  I look through the massive lists of posts that have come before mine and look for ones that are on the same topic as mine.  I do not post a thread saying/asking the same thing that 4 others have posted before me on the same day and then reject the answers I get when I don't like them.

Edited because WTF quotes??

katietopaz

I've found this BMB to be incredibly supportive and willing to answer repeat questions time and again, share experiences, etc. We can definitely get a little snarky, especially when someone asks a question, gets answers they weren't hoping for, and keeps pressing for the answer they wanted. But quite frankly, I'm grateful for blunt honesty.

Also, to be fair, I've noticed that bloat in particular has become a sore subject. And even with the multiple posts about it per day, I've seen pretty tame initial responses.

shirleymaeby

katietopaz said:

I've found this BMB to be incredibly supportive and willing to answer repeat questions time and again, share experiences, etc. We can definitely get a little snarky, especially when someone asks a question, gets answers they weren't hoping for, and keeps pressing for the answer they wanted. But quite frankly, I'm grateful for blunt honesty.

Also, to be fair, I've noticed that bloat in particular has become a sore subject.

Seriously...why is everyone so butthurt about this one topic?  Approximately 1/2 of our BSC has started on a bump/bloat thread.  Maybe our May 2015 badge should have a bump with a line through it or something.

gsancho

rivers714 said:

I'm a lurker more than a poster. I do think that sometimes people who have been on here jump on a new persons posts... Some ftm really don't know what to expect and some of the sass they get for normal ftm fears or not knowing how to search is upsetting

I'll admit that as a FTM sometimes I'm about to ask something and then feel a little intimidated, thinking I'll sound dumb.  But then it makes me do a little more research myself to get my own answer or I tell myself to just quit over-analyzing everything.  So maybe in the end, it's a good thing.  And really, I think the big snarkiness comes out for the repetitive posts.

texasmama15

shirleymaeby said:

katietopaz said:

I've found this BMB to be incredibly supportive and willing to answer repeat questions time and again, share experiences, etc. We can definitely get a little snarky, especially when someone asks a question, gets answers they weren't hoping for, and keeps pressing for the answer they wanted. But quite frankly, I'm grateful for blunt honesty.

Also, to be fair, I've noticed that bloat in particular has become a sore subject.

Seriously...why is everyone so butthurt about this one topic?  Approximately 1/2 of our BSC has started on a bump/bloat thread.  Maybe our May 2015 badge should have a bump with a line through it or something.




Hahha hilarious!! )

Poppy715

coffeeismylyfe said:

I mobile bump mostly, so I miss a lot of threads. With that said, I have not once seen a post replying to anyone's question that was unreasonable. It's not unreasonable to expect somone to know how to scroll, read, or google before asking a question. And the support this board offers when a member is truly hurting is incredible. Before getting butthurt maybe people should lurk a bit and see what we have to offer once you educate yourself a little first.

greks84

People who don't post as often on here are responded to differently. They get curt and sassy responses that they aren't expecting so their feelings get hurt and then the back and forths and the gifs (is that what the pics are called?) start. Sometimes it seems like you all are trying to get rid of newbies bc maybe they made a dumb mistake and/or posted something redundant. I do think that shooing people away so fast is a bit harsh and can be hard to swallow for someone new. Everyone is so quick to tell them to leave and go to another site. I agree some post stupid shit that can be searched for but a lot of responses refer to the "regular" posters. Are the irregular posters unwanted? Why so cliquish? If your due in May 2015 you deserve a chance to be accepted and should maybe get one get out of jail free card for a stupid post. From what I've read over the weeks its the newbies that get jumped on a lot. I'm not sure if I would label it bullying though.. Yes I think people should def have thicker skin and also... Not post stupid stuff. Ah I'm Switzerland. I guess I'm in the lurker category too but I post when I feel like I've actually got something to say. I post more on the multiples board. And yes I also feel like the bloat verses showing posts are super old and the annoyances were valid but could have been expressed in less sassy ways. ESP after she posted the pic. Super sassy-ness started after that. It was entertaining though.. Guilty pleasure!

Poppy715

udubbaby said:

I'm a FTM. I had a question about flu shots. Instead of starting a new thread I typed in "Flu Shots" on the search bar. Guess what I got? A thread titled "Flu Shots". Actually I got four of them, from 3 different BMBs and another board - including one from May 2015 that I either missed or never saw. Then guess what I did? I read it and got everyone's opinions and some nice links that @katnhiding posted in there. Answered.

It's not rocket science.

You, I like.

greks84

Whoah just realized how long my post was. Sorry ladies! And @udubbaby‌ I second that. Well put.

kate6214

udubbaby said:

I'm a FTM. I had a question about flu shots. Instead of starting a new thread I typed in "Flu Shots" on the search bar. Guess what I got? A thread titled "Flu Shots". Actually I got four of them, from 3 different BMBs and another board - including one from May 2015 that I either missed or never saw. Then guess what I did? I read it and got everyone's opinions and some nice links that @katnhiding posted in there. Answered.

It's not rocket science.

This!

I did this last week when I was having horrible constipation. There were tons of threads already started. USE THE SEARCH BAR

lauranicole91

coffeeismylyfe said:

I mobile bump mostly, so I miss a lot of threads. With that said, I have not once seen a post replying to anyone's question that was unreasonable. It's not unreasonable to expect somone to know how to scroll, read, or google before asking a question. And the support this board offers when a member is truly hurting is incredible. Before getting butthurt maybe people should lurk a bit and see what we have to offer once you educate yourself a little first.

Seriously. All this!

Kind of off topic but damn the app and mobile are so annoying. But y'all are worth the technological difficulties, so continue to just hit refresh a million times to see current posts.

knittyknitterson

I am an FTM. I am also good at googling and figuring things out... but! What if some people aren't very tech savvy and are really concerned? Is it really necessary to always be a bitch?

 

lauranicole91

Also, nooooo! It is way too early for people to start throwing around word clique. Dear god there are no cliques. Different posters don't get different responses, different post TOPICS get different responses.

knittyknitterson

coffeeismylyfe said:

I am an FTM. I am also good at googling and figuring things out... but! What if some people aren't very tech savvy and are really concerned? Is it really necessary to always be a bitch?

 

Nobody is being a bitch for being honest. Or snarky. Or frustrated. Most of the time the snark doesn't start until op starts arguing with the people who answered her question.

Oh I see. I agree.

I hate it when people get the wrong answer and get all offended.. I want to be like stfu.

But I also kinda take people's input with a grain of salt. We're all different. Our bodies are going to different things.

Gatorsgirl731

knittyknitterson said:

coffeeismylyfe said:

knittyknitterson said:

I am an FTM. I am also good at googling and figuring things out... but! What if some people aren't very tech savvy and are really concerned? Is it really necessary to always be a bitch?

 

Nobody is being a bitch for being honest. Or snarky. Or frustrated. Most of the time the snark doesn't start until op starts arguing with the people who answered her question.

Oh I see. I agree.

I hate it when people get the wrong answer and get all offended.. I want to be like stfu.

But I also kinda take people's input with a grain of salt. We're all different. Our bodies are going to different things.

I'm glad you get it that we are not always being a bitch now. :-?

greks84

Sorry the clique word is rubbing some of you wrong but when I constantly see people telling other people to leave or go to baby centre if you want rainbow farts or whatever... It makes some people sound "insert whatever word you want here." It's like, "you post stupid stuff, your feelings got hurt, you aren't like us, so get out."

Gatorsgirl731

greks84 said:

Sorry the clique word is rubbing some of you wrong but when I constantly see people telling other people to leave or go to baby centre if you want rainbow farts or whatever... It makes some people sound "insert whatever word you want here." It's like, "you post stupid stuff, your feelings got hurt, you aren't like us, so get out."

It's the truth though. TB is a supportive place but most of the members won't hold your hand and tell you what you want to hear. There ARE other sites that do do that and maybe some people would be more comfortable there.

greks84

Ok I got you ladies. Don't get me wrong I love it here and I def don't need smoke blown up my ass. And omg pee in drano?! Wtf?! I've never heard of that! Wow haha.

Sarahbmcd

Dang! What did I miss?!?

Pintobean39

This is really stupid.

If you google am I showing at 6 weeks if you filter through the forums and find the actual science behind it you will see it's to early to show.

Now if you come here and ask us and we tell you the same thing we're mean and bullies???

Quit using me as your personal google!!!

shirleymaeby

Bumping as we are still having this debate today even though it is Wednesday.

Poppy715

ramy3 said:

These people are actually kind of getting to me today. I've been in tears for some of our ladies today because their stories are so similar to when I lost Baby Felix. I'm devastated for them and my loss anniversary is coming up in two weeks and I'm just so so sad. 

It's hard to keep your spirits up when there's so much shit swirling around. ((hugs)) It's hard. We are here for you. Loss mama's have to stick together!
>:D<

shirleymaeby

@ramy3 - I am with you on the tears.  I usually don't even get involved in those threads either but I am in a pretty bad mood since my doctor told me it's not looking good and I am so pissed off that those assholes are fighting over a bloat thread rather than offering any support to the women who have recently lost are will likely lose their babies.  I want to let the thread die but I also want them to realize how shitty they are being.  I guess I have about as much chance of that happening as they do of getting us to stop posting gifs though.

Poppy715

GFJ48 said:

@shirleymaeby & @ramy3 I would stay out of the thread. She just made some horrible statement that I really don't want anyone who is upset today to see.

That's the one that got to me. Out of everything I've seen. It is like a punch to the gut.

Poppy715

I have a hard enough time with my own thoughts about pg. I don't need her nasty opinion.

samanthaloyd

K I've been a member here for a few weeks, but haven't been on in a while. I finally visited again, and this thread just got me going. Here's why: we are all pregnant. We are all bitchy, hormonal and emotional. When something goes wrong we panic, and maybe we don't always look over every single one of the threads before posting our question. Yeah, there are dumb ppl out there. In my opinion, all pregnant women are dumb at most times! Hello pregnancy brain (plus mommy brain). And there will be dumb posts, along with bitchy comments. It's what we do best. They will bitch because we are being "bullies" and you'll bitch at them for calling you a bully. This thread made me just as mad as the "dumb" threads! I want to hear the good things in pregnancy, not the complaining over little things. We should be a family and be there for each other when things are bad or good, no matter how dumb or sincere... And if you really start the bitchy threads this early in pregnancy...well it's gonna be along one. So now I guess I'm the bully for not agreeing with everyone else? Just putting my own two bitchy cents in!

samanthaloyd

sure it was...my point exactly!

Poppy715

samanthaloyd said:

K I've been a member here for a few weeks, but haven't been on in a while. I finally visited again, and this thread just got me going. Here's why: we are all pregnant. We are all bitchy, hormonal and emotional. Nope. I'm not.  I don't like you assuming that I am.   When something goes wrong we panic, and maybe we don't always look over every single one of the threads before posting our question. Again, no. I research and look to Google or my dr. first.   Yeah, there are dumb ppl out there. In my opinion, all pregnant women are dumb at most times! Wat.  Hello pregnancy brain (plus mommy brain). And there will be dumb posts, along with bitchy comments. It's what we do best. They will bitch because we are being "bullies" and you'll bitch at them for calling you a bully. This thread made me just as mad as the "dumb" threads! How come?  I want to hear the good things in pregnancy, not the complaining over little things. I want the board to be organized and thoughtful. We can't all get what we want. We should be a family and be there for each other when things are bad or good, no matter how dumb or sincere...We've been here for less than a month. I barely know most of you. We are not family yet.  And if you really start the bitchy threads this early in pregnancy...well it's gonna be along one. So now I guess I'm the bully for not agreeing with everyone else? That's not how that works.  Just putting my own two bitchy cents in!

I disagree with so much of what you've said. You missed the majority of my point with this thread.

Poppy715

samanthaloyd said:

sure it was...my point exactly!

FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY USE THE QUOTE BUTTON OR TAG WHO YOU ARE RESPONDING TO!

samanthaloyd

And having a problem starts with admitting it. Your just as bad as those calling you a bully. You didn't get the answer you were looking for so you bring shit up. You are bitchy!

shirleymaeby

I'm sorry but why is it that the people who keep saying we're mean and un-supportive have never offered an ounce of support to anyone on this board or any other?  

Yes, I know you didn't say specifically we were not being supportive @samanthaloyd but you did say that we should be a family and that we should be there for one another.  Neither you nor the poster who loved your comment have given any support of any kind to anyone on this board.  That's not how I treat my family and not how they treat me either.

Pintobean39

@samanthaloyd‌ If that's your real name you might want to change your screen name.

I guess that pregnancy brain of yours has you forgetting there are crazy ppl out there.

samanthaloyd

I'm just wondering why all those who lost theirs is still posting in the May boards? Saying I dont belong?!? Wtf. Not bitchy...sorry

shirleymaeby

samanthaloyd said:

I'm just wondering why all those who lost theirs is still posting in the May boards? Saying I dont belong?!? Wtf. Not bitchy...sorry

Firstly, I haven't lost mine.  Secondly, those who have lost theirs have just as much right to post here as anyone else.  How dare you, seriously?