Getting Pictures

forevermyfenix

Sorry I haven't posted here in a little while. I've been trying to resume some sense of normalcy.

Today marks 2 months since we lost our Fenix. It's surreal how fast people around us get back to normal. I've been very thankful to have my grandmother who had a miscarriage at 4 months to lean on. It always amazes me how strong she had to be to experience her loss in a time where the norm would be to act like it didn't happen. 

Anyways. When we lost Fenix, a group called HALO (Honoring Angels Like Owen) came by and gave us a 2 hour photo shoot. Processing time for those pictures is 6-8 weeks. I've been so incredibly anxious to get those pictures, just so I could have more than the one good picture of Fenix. I was told today the disc would be mailed today or tomorrow, meaning I should get them by the end of the week. Now I'm almost terrified to get them, knowing those would be the last ones I'll ever get of him. It's almost as if I tell myself that if we don't get them then there'd be more coming in the obscurity of "soon." Something to look forward to I guess. Now, as much as I'm looking forward to seeing my son in those pictures, I'm scared to be giving up "soon" and trading it in for "that's all." 

Who else went through this as far as pictures are concerned and how did finally getting them in your hands affect you? How did you cope with it?

Mel&John2013

**********siggy warning

We had a photo session on Lincoln's final day here on earth with us and I had a similar feeling when the photos came it. I almost didn't want them because that would be it. I can swap out the screen saver on my phone, but I'll never have a new photo to choose from. But when I looked at those photos I was just happy to see my baby's face. 

I don't really have much to offer on how to cope, I'm still coping I guess. I don't look at the photos too often so I don't get used to them. That's probably my way of postponing coming to terms with the fact that I won't have any more photos or something. I can offer support tho, and I'll be sending strength your way. I hope when you see those photos they just make you happy to see your beautiful little boy.

msunshine123

I wish I had more pictures of my son too. I received my pictures shortly after his delivery. They provide me with a lot of comfort at times - he looks so incredibly peaceful - a true angel. I hope you can find both peace in comfort in seeing your amazing Fenix. Some days are so much harder than others, but somehow we get through it and I do believe it's our own little angels helping us through.

lexusolsen

It's tough, and I hate that we have to do this. I find comfort in my pictures. We have them scattered around the house. In fact, where there is a picture of dd (our sunshine ) there is one of Ben. I also made a shadow box with two pictures and other belongings from the hospital.

stefuge

***DS1 mentioned***



We have very few photos of Colton, but I love them. Those first few weeks and months, I kept them in an envelope, and had a few on my phone, and would pull them out as I felt up to it. But now, we have them up all over our house. Like lexusolsen said, where there is a photo of DS1, we also have a photo or other memento for Colton.

I don't know if there is a way to prepare yourself for the first time you will look at those photos, other than just to give yourself time to look at them, to cry, to grieve. Also, our son was born still, and had some discoloration, so be prepared for that possibility. I have found that when I print the photos in black and white, it hides most of that, where some times printing the photos in color can show more of the bruising of his skin.

ikrystal

**ticker warning**

We had a professional photographer take pictures of our boys right after they were born. At first, I told the nurse I didn't want pictures.  At the very last minute, I figured if I never wanted to look at them, I didn't have to, but at least we would have them if we wanted them.

They gave us the pictures on a CD.  I looked at them about a week after the boys passed away.  Now, as many people have said before, they are all over our house.  I know it is hard to look at the pictures and as you said, deal with the fact that there will be nothing else after this.  But I hope these pictures bring you some happiness. So many people do not get the opportunity to have these pictures, so I am grateful for them everyday.  I know you will be too. 

stefuge

ikrystal said:

So many people do not get the opportunity to have these pictures, so I am grateful for them everyday.  I know you will be too. 

This, totally. We debated about getting pictures, but decided we didn't have to look at then if we didn't want to, and now I wish I had more photos. There will never be enough. And I am so so grateful we have them.