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Feeling like I'm being punished

mara005mara005 member
in Trouble TTC a Sibling
** Talking about God, I'm putting this warning as to not offend those who don't believe, so please don't respond if you want to say anything about God having nothing to do with it**




I feel like God is punishing me, that I am being put through all this cruelty because I'm a bad mother. I stay at home and do all I can for him, I love him more than anything but sometimes I snap at him or get frustrated with his attitude. When these things happen I feel like God is watching and thinking, this is why you don't have another child on Earth. Rationally I know this isn't true, but I don't know what to do about these thoughts. I'm hoping by writing them, I will feel a little better.

"Love is what makes pain bearable." - I love you my Angels. 
**All After a Loss Welcome**
BFP #1: 6/25/09 EDD 2/13/10 @ 6 weeks- Saw HB @ 9 weeks - DS born 2/11/10 (39w5d)
BFP #2: 2/20/13 EDD 11/4/13 - Saw HB 3/19/13 (7w2d) - MMC discovered 4/13/13 (10w5d) - Est. loss @ 9w3d - D&C 4/14/13
BFP #3: 12/19/13 (4 w1d) EDD 8/27/14 - 1/1/14 discovered it was ectopic/ tube had burst/ had surgery to remove tube (@ 6 weeks)
BFP #4: 9/10/14 (3w6d) EDD 5/21/15 - natural MC 9/23/14 @ 5w5d
BFP #5: 11/23/14 (3w3d) EDD 8/4/15 - Please be our Rainbow! 

BabyFruit Ticker


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Re: Feeling like I'm being punished

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    Reagan1010Reagan1010 member
    I understand where you're coming from. I have felt the same way many times in the past. We are human, and we all lose our patience sometimes. when I start feeling this way, DH talks me down. I always try to remember that it's science and the God I believe in wouldn't be spiteful like that.

    Easier said than done, but try to be gentle with yourself. You not getting pregnant has nothing to do with your parenting skills. And I'm sure you're an amazing mom.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker


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    barackollamabarackollama member
    I felt the same way last month. It's a horrible feeling. I don't have any magical coping mechanisms. I can just say that eventually that feeling faded.

    Now I try to remember that God's timing will be perfect. It always is. That doesn't work on cd1 butI can usually remember it further in my cycle.
    image
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    tigerlynx31413tigerlynx31413 member
    BookishMomma said:
    mara005 said:

    I feel like God is punishing me, that I am being put through all this cruelty because I'm a bad mother.
    @mara005 All I can say is that those Teen Mom girls wouldn't keep getting KU if this were true. 
    ^^ What she said!

    I'm sure you are a wonderful mother! I understand how you feel though, so big hugs!

    BFP #1 7/6/2012, EDD 3/13/2013, Delivered 3/14/2013

    BFP #2 1/7/2014: EDD:9/14 MC: 1/9/2014 (confirmed via blood work)

    BFP #3 7/5/2014: EDD 3/11/2015 MC: 7/15/2014

    BFP #4 11/7/2014: EDD 7/17/2015~~Please be my RAINBOW!

    My Chart

    image image image

    All are Welcome!

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    BootsOrHeartsBootsOrHearts member
    Everyone loses patience with their kids from time to time, I do with my 10 month old even though I know he doesn't know better and isn't try to get on my nerves. And I'm sure a toddler sometimes IS trying to get on your nerves, ha! 
    **Warning: Losses and living child mentioned**
    BFP#1 1/31/12, EDD 10/6/12 Harrison Gray born sleeping @ 18w6d. You changed our lives little guy.
    BFP#2 EDD 10/29/13, C/P 2/25/13, Bye little Ish, we barely got to know you.
    BFP#3 EDD 12/21/13, Baby Boots born 11/23/13 My rainbow baby!
    image

    imageView Full Size Imageimageimage
    January PAL Siggy Challenge: Good Advice
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    image

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    purplehaze11purplehaze11 member
    Hugs, @mara005‌ . I often question why God has given me back to back micarriages. As we prepare to try again, I'm trying to focus on the hopeful rainbow we will be blessed with, and blocking out the doubt. It rarely works unfortunately. For me, I keep wondering what my body has done that is causing the miscarriages, since I obviously seem to get pregnant easily- wtf is wrong with me?

    DD 15.07.2012

    BFP #2 01.18.2014, MMC 04.10.2014 15w5d

    BFP #3 07.18.2014, MC 07.31.2014 5w6d

    DX: RPL due to submucosal uterine fibroid. Hysteroscopy 12/16. All clear!

    image</a

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    morganlmwmorganlmw member
    I totally relate...prayers for you
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    emsmama15emsmama15 member
    Exactly what @BookishMomma‌ said. Hugs to you and hang in there. Losing your patience is part of being a mom. You are your harshest critic!
    *** Child & current pregnancy mentioned ***
    Me - 41 (PCOS), Hubby - 43 (healthy)
    7/2013 - Sweet baby girl born (Clomid + TI)
    3/2014 - TTC #2, return to RE 7/2014
    12/2015: IVF #1 transferred two great looking embryos - BFP!
    First ultrasound: TWO beautiful little heartbeats!!
    Harmony: negative; level 2: babies look great and are boy/girl! :) 
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    ellebelle2384ellebelle2384 member
    Just wanted to give you lots of hugs.  My faith has never been challenged like this year.  It's totally understandable that you feel that way but I can tell you it's not true.  I hope you feel better soon.
    Me: 31     DH: 33
    Dx: Me: Recurrent Pregnancy Loss; DH: Low Morphology (2%)
    BFP#1: MC 3/1/11 at 6w1d - EDD 10/21/11
    BFP#2: 5/3/11 - EDD 1/9/12 - DD Born 1/6/12
    image
    TTC #2 since 12/13
    BFP#3: MC 2/8/14 at 4w5d - EDD 10/13/14
    BFP#4: MC 5/6/14 at 4w4d - EDD 1/9/15
    BFP#5: MMC discovered 8/4/14 at 9w1d - D&C 8/5/14 - Baby Boy with Trisomy 16 (maternal origin) - EDD 3/8/15
    BFP#6: CP 11/6/14 at 4w2d - EDD 7/14/15
    IVF #1 with ICSI & PGS: May/June 2015, ER 6/3/15, 17R/17M/15F
    IVF #2 with ICSI & PGS: July 2015, ER 7/16/15, 16R/11M/9F
    PGS results = 6 normal embryos (4 boys, 2 girls)
    FET 9/23/15 = BFFN
    Natural FET 11/4/15 = BFP!
    Beta 9dp5dt = 92

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    mara005mara005 member
    Thanks ladies, I know in my head in a good mom but loss(es) really screw with all your thoughts and emotions.

    "Love is what makes pain bearable." - I love you my Angels. 
    **All After a Loss Welcome**
    BFP #1: 6/25/09 EDD 2/13/10 @ 6 weeks- Saw HB @ 9 weeks - DS born 2/11/10 (39w5d)
    BFP #2: 2/20/13 EDD 11/4/13 - Saw HB 3/19/13 (7w2d) - MMC discovered 4/13/13 (10w5d) - Est. loss @ 9w3d - D&C 4/14/13
    BFP #3: 12/19/13 (4 w1d) EDD 8/27/14 - 1/1/14 discovered it was ectopic/ tube had burst/ had surgery to remove tube (@ 6 weeks)
    BFP #4: 9/10/14 (3w6d) EDD 5/21/15 - natural MC 9/23/14 @ 5w5d
    BFP #5: 11/23/14 (3w3d) EDD 8/4/15 - Please be our Rainbow!     

    BabyFruit Ticker


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    ambmamaambmama member
    I really hope you take all of these posts to heart. You ARE NOT a bad mother! I snap at DS and I feel super guilty when I do. I've also lost 2 babies and I know it's because of my body/other issues. It has nothing to do with the amazing job you are doing as a mom - sheesh we all have our moments! Hugs, God does not punish like that!

    BFP #1: 05/2012 DS born 12/30/12

    BFP #2: 02/2014 Natural M/C 03/2014 @ 7 weeks

    BFP #3: 06/2014 EDD: 02/17/2015 M/C @ 7w2d, D&E 7/15/14


    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker



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    sailorgalsailorgal member
    Aww I'm sorry you feel that way. Big hugs, life as a mom can be tough! Everything that was said above is so true. All biology. 
    Me: 32, DH: 33
    DS #1: April 2010
    DS #2: July 2015 (preemie born at 31 weeks) - our little miracle conceived through ART - unexplained secondary infertility/adenomyosis
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    MommytoacupcakeMommytoacupcake member
    Sorry you're feeling so down! I can relate. Sometimes it feels like there has to be a reason, right? Like why else would it be so hard? I try to hold onto the belief that maybe there's a GOOD reason did this...like god knows I need a bigger age gap than we hoped or planned for, like the perfect sibling for our DD is the next one to conceive, etc. The toughest times try us most and test our faith and it's so hard
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