Update: next steps, plus a curve ball

CowgirlK39

So I had my appointment last week, after a disasterous year off BC. After a discussion with my doctor, we decided to be benched for a few cycles. I'm going to go back on BC while we are moving into our first home and then, when we are ready, start TTC. My doctor said that we would probably have, at best, one fertile month immediately after coming off BC but based on my hormone levels, our luck would run out rapidly after that. She said at that point we would need to to see an RE and get on fertility meds.

We were all okay with this, and figured we will take it all as it comes. Who knows what will happen, right? Well, one of my best friends asked me to be a BM in her wedding..... In Oct 2015. This has a very strong possibility that I will be pregnant, or possibly a very new mom. I know, I know, a LOT can change and things happen, but regardless, we will be TTC and hopefully expecting that year. My question is.... Do I tell my friend that? I feel like she deserves to know, but I'm not sure if it's too soon to tell her. Yet, I would think she should know before she gets too thick in the planning process. Thoughts?

normandyn7

mjreilly2 said:

CowgirlK39 said:

My question is.... Do I tell my friend that? I feel like she deserves to know, but I'm not sure if it's too soon to tell her. Yet, I would think she should know before she gets too thick in the planning process. Thoughts?

No, you do not tell her that. Her wedding does not revolve around you TTC. You do not know if you will be pregnant (or have a newborn) come the wedding. If you do happen the get pregnant, sure, let her know. She can decide how to deal with it then, if need be. Her planning should not have to change at all.

Yes to all this. Just do your thing and if you do get pregnant and find out the you will be pregnant or have a new baby by the time her wedding comes around then talk to her about it. Your life shouldn't be put on hold for her wedding.

Twinkie0612

You are under no obligation to tell your friend that you will be seeing a RE and undergoing fertility treatments.  Not to be a debbie downer, but seeing a RE does not mean that you will get pregnant right away, or even that you will start treatment right away.  My consult with my last RE was January 2013, we didn't do our first IUI with him until April 2013.  I started infertility testing with my OB/GYN in September 2012 and 2 years later, we are still TTC our first.   

CNYBride05

No and don't assume that you will be pg or a new mom either... So much can happen or not in a year.

Helenahhandbasket

I totally agree that there is no reason to tell your friend anything about TTC that you wouldn't normally share with her.

If it's something you'd like tot tell her just for the sake of sharing, sure, that's up to you.  But I wouldn't share it in relation to her wedding plans. 

Anyway, many ladies are in wedding parties pregnant or newly post partum.  Good luck to you!

CowgirlK39

Oh I know that there is no guarantee that I will be pregnant. That's why I'm not sure if I should tell her. But she is already sending out dress ideas and I just do not know what will happen if she picks a dress and I suddenly announce we are expecting. I guess I just am trying to avoid a stressful situation for her. You are right, her wedding does not revolve around my TTC and I have no intention of making it that way. I'm just trying to be respectful of her plans and wasn't sure if it was appropriate to give her a heads up or not. She is planning on going dress shopping with all of us in January, which is when we would probably come off BC. Perhaps I will wait till then to bring it up to her.

Twinkie0612

CowgirlK39 said:

Oh I know that there is no guarantee that I will be pregnant. That's why I'm not sure if I should tell her. But she is already sending out dress ideas and I just do not know what will happen if she picks a dress and I suddenly announce we are expecting. I guess I just am trying to avoid a stressful situation for her. You are right, her wedding does not revolve around my TTC and I have no intention of making it that way. I'm just trying to be respectful of her plans and wasn't sure if it was appropriate to give her a heads up or not. She is planning on going dress shopping with all of us in January, which is when we would probably come off BC. Perhaps I will wait till then to bring it up to her.

I'm still not sure why you would bring it up.  Is she going to kick you out of the wedding if you're pregnant? 

Are you worried about th dress fitting?  You can always order a larger size and have it taken in if you are not pregnant.  Are you worried about missing the wedding due to pregnancy complications? You can't plan for all the what ifs.

My suggestion is don't bring up pregnancy unless you actually are pregnant (and ready to share your news). 

MrsRustyGriswold

DaisyBlinks said:

How does this question come up so often? Like what is it that people think is soooooo offensive about being a pregnant bridesmaid? I cannot even imagine a world where it would matter to me or any of my friends if a bridesmaid was pregnant. Are we just considerably less selfish than OP and her circle? Is that it?

This exactly.  I've been a KU bridesmaid and in another with someone else who was.  It made zero difference on anything.  What kind of bridezilla friends do people have?  I wouldn't want to be in that wedding anyway.

Helenahhandbasket

Sorry to hijack, but @darbie914- how the hell did I miss that you are expecting again?  A million congrats, lady!

amorcito27

I can relate to this as I was in a wedding this past July and last year we weren't sure exactly when we would begin TTC (not that I thought she would kick me out, was just worried about getting a dress that would fit).  The wedding I was in was a really close friend and when it came time to get the dresses, which she picked out on the earlier side, I told her I wasn't sure what my situation would be and wanted to hold off until closer to the time to know whether to go one size up or multiple sizes up depending if we were expecting or not. We didn't end up TTC until a month before the wedding so it wasn't even a factor for her wedding.  I'm still not expecting and luckily she does not ask me about my current status (for giggles, my drunk DH did tell her and her new hubby that he was hoping our future kid was making his/her way up inside of me during the reception - but we all just laughed and still none of them ask me what my status is and it's been a couple months!). However, I don't think all people are that respectful, so if you want to avoid being asked about your status, I would just avoid telling her until you are ready to let her know.  Good luck!