Parenting
LucilleAustero
member
Had a baby, cannot have more...question
LucilleAustero
member
in Parenting
Hi ladies. Have not posted here in two months-ish.
I had a baby boy. Patrick. He is a 35 weeker. He spent 11 days in the NICU. other than a milk issue and reflux, he is doing awesome. Breastfeeds like a champ and his big sister is in heaven with him. During labor, my uterine incision from my first c section tore open and I wound up with an emergency section. My doc was able to save my ute, but he strongly advises against a third child.
Now, we never wanted a third, ever. We feel our family is complete. But, there is a part of me that feels sad that I cannot have more kids. I honestly do not want a third, but I feel kind of cheated that the decision was made for me. Stupid, I know. Has anyone else had something like this happen and dealt with conflicting feelings afterwards?
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Re: Had a baby, cannot have more...question
bfp#4 3/19/2014 edd 12/1/2014 please let this be the one!
beta @ 5w0d = 12,026! u/s 4/22/14 @ 8w1d it's twins!
I have my six week on Weds and will talk to my doc then. It is just so weird to be upset this. Thanks for the advice.
I don't think it's weird to feel a little robbed of getting to make that decision yourself. (hugs)
Congrats on the new baby though
*Siggy Warning*
About me 2007: Started TTC. 2008: OB prescribed clomid, went to RE and was Dx with PCOS. 2009: IUI #1 w/follitsim and trigger = BFP. B/G Twins born at 33 weeks. 2012: TTC #3, Round 2 of Letrozole w/TI = BFP, missed m/c at 8 1/2 wks. Currently on the bench as we make plans for a new home. Anxious to start TTC #3 within the next year!
I don't think it's strange at all to be a bit upset, even if you feel you're done having children. I'm so sorry that decision was taken from you.
I have no personal experience with your situation, but I'd say your feelings are justified. In addition, your PP hormones will surely play a part in how you're feeli ng right now, esp given that this is all still so fresh. I totally get that although you dont plan to have more kids, its certainly a tough feeling to know that the decision has medically been made for you. I'd also suggest maybe seeing a counselor for a bit if possible, just to help you through processing these emotions. Hugs to you, lady.
I'm sorry that the decision was taking away from you
Turns out that I have so much scarring and adhesions that I can't get pregnant anymore.
I struggle with it a lot. Just the idea that the decision to end my reproductive years was not made by me is hard to reconcile. It's not that I wanted/want another, but knowing that I couldn't even if I did, hurts.
Eta: fat fingers + autocorrect.
I don't think it's strange at all to be a bit upset, even if you feel you're done having children. I'm so sorry that decision was taken from you.
I think it is perfectly normal to feel the way you do. Even if you were planning to be done, having the decision taken from you has to be hard. When DH and I started, we said we were going to have 2. Now DS is 4 and DH has decided he doesn't want more. While I could still have more (physically), now I will not. This makes me sad.
I am in a similar position, but for different reasons. I am 36 and pregnant with my second (due in December). I have multiple sclerosis and was diagnosed at 30. My first pregnancy was a breeze, but I had an MS attack 6 months after my son's birth. Before this pregnancy, my strength had declined significantly and I struggled with other symptoms. But, our dream was to always have more kids. I have had lots of MS related issues with this pregnancy and my neurologist wants to aggressively treat me in the hospital right after the birth. The mess he wants me on have taken away my option to breast feed and the most effective meds would make having other children very dangerous (for the fetus, even if I were to come off of the meds). In addition, getting pregnant again and having similar MS related issues could leave me unable to walk (due to a lack of strength). I HATE that this disease is taking away my decisions about what I feel my body is made to do. It has been very difficult and I have also been struggling with depression over it. Counseling has been suggested here, and it has helped me, but I worry what my feelings will be at the conclusion of this pregnancy.
I just had #3 in April. DS1 came 4 weeks early (emergency c-section), DS2 came at 39 weeks (repeat c-section). With DD (#3) my water broke at 32 weeks. I was on hosptial bed rest for 10 days and she was born by c-section at 33+5. She spent 59 days in the NICU.
Like you, I am 100% sure that we don't want any more children. 3 is more than enough. I have not specifically been told that I shouldn't have more children, but I feel like it would be foolish of me to attempt that. Who knows how early the next one would come. I can't put my family through all that again. So, while I would not choose to have more children, I kind of feel like circumstances outside of my control would prohibit that even if I did.
DH is getting a vasectomy on Friday. It's bittersweet. I think part of me will always be sad that I'm done with the "baby having" portion of my life.