What happened to me happy child???

BabyNewbury2012

So my daughter is 2.5 years old, she is in daycare 4 days a week. She was always this very happy, loving child. But in the last month she seems very angry, she is mean and she talks at people and is very bossy. She sometimes hits and kicks (rarely though), and she does not listen. She is not always like this butit is increasing... I dont even see her smile as often anymore. I keep going over things wondering if it is something I am doing wrong or something I am not doing. At daycare she is also starting to actup and have this attitude.

At home I do give her time outs for hitting, kicking, throwing things after one warning. I will admit that I have to usually hold her in time out as most times she will not stay there.

This breaks my heart because she is a good kid, I just dont know where all of this is coming from, is it a stage? I need help.

I would love to know if there are others in this same situation? Any advice? Please....

danielle2583

I'm not sure how helpful my response will be since we SAH, but DD is just over 2yo, and honestly I start to see some of the same behaviors. Recently she gets very frustrated and will yell, not hit but do a kind of grabbing-pulling motion on whatever is making her mad (or usually me). 

Your dd may be learning some habits at daycare, but it also seems like at this age they're starting to learn anger and frustration without knowing how to effectively deal with their problem or communicate what is wrong. 

blu-eyedwife

IME this is a combination of a couple things, and completely normal.

The first is a testing of limits.  They love that at this age.  Just seeing how far they can go and what the consequences are. 

The second is a lack of an emotional vocabulary.  I find my son acts out most when he's frustrated for whatever reason - he can't get a toy to work, DH and I are both busy trying to do something, he spills something. Their instant reaction is a physical one (and my son also screams).

Our answer to this is twofold.  Find a consequence that works and be consistent with it.  And it sounds like you're part way there.  The timeout thing doesn't sound like it's working the way you like, and I emphathize, I think it would go the same way in my house.    The second is talking to her about her feelings.  "I understand that you're angry/frustrated/sad.  And it's okay to feel that way, but it's not okay to (hit/kick/throw).  When you get upset, you can talk to mommy/daddy."  Instead of timeout, I will also invite him to sit in his special chair and get him a stuffed animal to help him calm down.  And I ask if he wants me to sit with him while he calms down, or leave him alone.  It's the same idea as what a timeout should be - a literal time out to cool down, not a punishment.

DawnJM25

I agree with PP.  At this age they can't put their feelings into words.  Validating their feelings and helping them recognize what they are feeling might help.  "I understand you are angry."  or "It makes you made when your brother takes your toy."  My DD has started hitting and kicking DS when he's in her way, or is playing with something that she wants to play with.  It's such a quick response to her feeling that I don't think she always knows she's doing it. 

Timeouts work for us, and I always try to explain to DD why she is going to timeout, and she has to say sorry for hitting because hitting hurts or whatever it was.  I don't have any advice when it comes to listening.  I'm in the same boat with DD.  I might say "Let's put our shoes on."  And she might respond with "I don't want to."  or she just doesn't listen to me at all.  Sometimes I say "You need to obey mommy the first time"  or "you need to follow mommy's directions right now" but I don't think she knows what I mean.  I'm sure it's some kind of developmental thing.  I keep meaning to google this to find tips on encouraging listening/following directions at this age.      

margaritachikita

I remember thinking this when my 2 year old had her first exorcist-style meltdown. I thought her head would spin around backwards. It's a rough age. I read a meme recently that said "toddlers are a**holes, it's not your fault." And i think that sums it up perfectly also agree with all the PPs on solutions.

CRich15

This is so my 3 year old right now... he was the most well behaved child on the planet and it seemed like a switch flipped around 2 to 2 1/2 and he seems to always be in unhappy funk.  We notice that if we just let him play quietly with a toy that he mellows out but timeout doesn't work with us either.  My husband has more of the disciplinary voice and therefore DS knows that he has gone too far. I hope her behavior improves. 

BabyNewbury2012

I read all of your messages and am in tears...I think it was nice to hear that you think this is normal and that others are going through this. Thank you for taking the time to write with advice and reassurance. It is so wonderful to have a place like this to turn too.

Also thank you to margaritachikitia....your comment made me laugh!