DH vent *update in OP*

jj0313

I'm so annoyed and just need to vent. Backstory: shortly after finding out we were having a girl I put together a pretty specific vision board for the nursery. A key piece for the room was an old dresser, painted mint color for a pop of color. I checked on Craigslist for a couple of months and finally found the perfect dresser for the right price. My original plan was to refinish the whole thing myself but DH decided he didn't want me around the paint or the particles being sanded. I didn't fight him-ha! So he sanded it down last weekend and it was supposed to be painted and primed this weekend. The problem? He has fallen in love with the dresser and now thinks it would be a crime to paint over the wood. He wants it for his man cave and has offered to buy me any dresser I want as a replacement (as if that makes sense and I'm not affected by him spending money.) Somehow he had me feeling GUILTY about painting this dresser that I picked out for this specifc purpose! I don't know how he even managed that. I'm contemplating going in there and priming it myself while he is outside so he is left with no choice. Apologies for the long vent! Anyone else eith partners who pull this kind of stuff??

Update: he came to his senses! happy wife…happy life!!!

alysonmh

I don't have any examples of my husband doing something similar but I would equally as annoyed and if he didn't agree to do what he promised I would probably do the same thing. I'd go out there and prime it myself with a face mask on so he couldn't say anything about the fumes. If the dresser is important to you then you should stand your ground. After all you were the one who wanted it to begin with and did the work to find it. Plus it's for your daughter's nursery which is more important than a man cave. Good luck!

runningmama14

My dh is the same way about painting wood. I probably would have avoided buying a dresser that wasn't already painted in order to avoid the fight lol!

At this point, I don't know what I would do. I would probably give a quick look around to see if I could find something I could be equally happy with and if I couldn't I would tell dh that I was just going to finish the dresser myself.

jj0313

@lovebuggies1‌ I appreciate the notion of picking your battles but we are five weeks before the baby is supposed to get here and, in my opinion, this is just ridiculous for him to ask of me. If I did go prime it (which I won't) I don't think it would be a fight. It would be sticking to the original plan and him sucking it up! Ha! We compromise on the regular and this is just not one I think I'm willing to compromise on!!

NunyaBennis

I, too, have a big problem painting solid wood. I wanted to baby-fy the dresser for the nursery by painting it but couldn't bring myself to do it! I might accent it with new drawer pulls, though.
So... I'm no help with backing you up. I'd let him have it and pick up something else to paint.

jj0313

Yeah, I mean I hear you but we purposely bought a pretty trashed dresser so we could get a good price on it. It's only now that he has it sanded that he sees its hidden beauty. It's not really a matter of whether you think wood should be painted over, we bought the dresser 3-4 mos ago with this specific purpose in mind. I don't think it's fair to now say I should be responsible for finding another dresser 5 weeks before baby because he suddenly likes the look of it. Just my vent.

ssstephanie214

It's annoying, yeah. I wouldn't have the energy to fight about this. Could you go get a changing pad for the top with a mint cover? Maybe just the top part could be painted, or you could get some colored knobs?

If it were me I'd make him go find me a similar dresser and if he couldn't in two weeks time, O.G. dresser would be mine. in mint.

jac409

I agree with PP. If he wants the dresser that bad, put it on him to find another one ASAP that can be painted mint green. If he can't or won't do that in the next couple of weeks, no deal. You stick to the original plan. I would be a bit annoyed too, but there are a lot worse problems you could have. I wouldn't have the energy to fight this one too hard.

tigerpawie

Perhaps try a top that's stained wood and the body painted in mint? That is how I have mine. Just a suggestion if you and your DH is willing to compromise?

lesliegolem

I understand you have to pick your battles when you're married but...you have been looking for months And it sounds like money is a factor so in my opinion he needs to let it go. Also you only have 5 weeks left and what if she's early? Its not the time to be decorating the man cave. If he wants something similar he needs to watch Craigslist for a couple of months.

jj0313

I wish I could post a pic of this man cave-it looks like the place antique furniture goes to die! He has THREE desks in that room! The man is borderline hoarder when it comes to all things old. Thanks for letting me vent. I've looked up a couple on Craigslist just to throw him a bone but I don't think this is a hill he is going to die on-he's just hoping I feel guilty and tell him to keep it. It's not anywhere near an argument at this point-just something annoying me (that happens a lot these days).

kaimee27

Yeah, there's no way I would let DH snatch a dresser for a man cave (that sounds like it's already full of furniture) that I had specifically picked out for our baby's room.  I don't blame you for being annoyed by this.  He promised to paint the dresser for you, now that's what he needs to do.  If he actually needs a dresser for his man-cave, then I'd tell him he's welcome to find another cheap/used dresser to refinish, but this one is already claimed for your LO.

ETA:  I'm feeling really cranky tonight, so my advice my not be the best.  

minibean16

You know, I was on team "Let it go" (singing it) until that last post about having three desks in his man cave. Does he need the dresser? Or is this going to be additional clutter?

jj0313

@minibean16‌ there is NO wall space for a dresser! And what does a man cave need a dresser for?? It doesn't! Ha!

Disneygeek77

:: shrugs::

Maybe I'm a jerk, but I would tell my DH that the dresser is going to the nursery and if he really wants a dresser, he will just have to look for another one.  I also wouldn't feel one iota of guilt either.  

He is the one being unfair in my opinion.  You spent a long time planning a nursery, researching for just the right one and then buying it. It isn't right for him to say " Hey, I like this one and want it for me."

jj0313

@Disneygeek77‌ my thoughts exactly.

Disneygeek77

So has anything happened since yesterday ?

jj0313

@Disneygeek77‌ not much. We've talked about it and he says he knows it wouldn't be fair to ask me not to paint it and he will paint it this weekend. I told him I will believe it when it's green!! Hopefully I'm updating with a pic of a freshly painted dresser soon!

MissN06

jj0313 said:

@Disneygeek77‌ not much. We've talked about it and he says he knows it wouldn't be fair to ask me not to paint it and he will paint it this weekend. I told him I will believe it when it's green!! Hopefully I'm updating with a pic of a freshly painted dresser soon!

I'm glad to hear he is going to paint it.  I hope to see a painted dresser soon.

luvalways77

Like others, I would say try finishing it yourself. If my DH did something like this I would probably laugh. If he won't do what he said he would, it's not worth fighting. I've mellowed out a lot and would just paint the dresser myself in a very well vented area.

jj0313

.

absolutelymaybe

Glad everything worked out!