recent loss/ intro/ living child mentioned

amberlynn0913

I just wanted to introduce myself and I guess say what I am going through as I find I might actually post/use this board.

I was due March 13th, 15 but had a d&c this past Monday. We found out the Friday before (our 15 week appt) that our baby died at 7 weeks, a partial molar.

We had an appt in August where we did the bloodwork for the panorama (at 11 weeks) that ended up coming back blank. He couldn't find the hb on the doppler but chalked it up to being too early. At last Friday's appointment he tried the doppler, couldn't find anything, did an abdominal ultrasound, found nothing, did the vaginal and determined it was what it was. 

I find myself bouncing back and forth through these emotions about what happened. 

I am trying to not be angry at the dr, that will do nothing for me, I know. Yet, I can't help but be angry. We announced to the world at 12 weeks when we thought we were safe. We saw a heartbeat in July. 

My son was so excited, he has been an only child for 8 and a half years. He seems to be handling it ok. I just wish we hadn't even told him. I teach at his school so I was able to keep tabs on how he did this week at school, which was ok, but my sorrow is extending now only for my other but for him. 

I just wish I was able to figure out how to get through this and accept that we won't be having that baby and make life normal again for us all. 

I welcome all input/commentary with an open mind. 

(I was on the Mar 15 board but only intro'd never really posted, didn't feel comfortable yet) 

ctk181

I'm so sorry for your loss. I also lost my baby after hearing a strong HB at the first us. It is so very hard. I was briefly on the March 15 board too. I'm sad to see you here. Please take care of yourself. Feel free to PM me if you ever need/want to talk.

KingLED

I'm so sorry for your loss.

kyliehopeful

I'm sorry for your loss

purplehaze11

I'm sorry for your loss. I was also briefly on the March board, but had a mmc at 16 weeks this past April, so I know the feeling of thinking you are past the first tri.

flyoffeve

I am so sorry for your loss. Hugs.

Saraewright

So sorry for what you are going through. I also lost my baby after seeing a heartbeat at the first ultrasound. Ctk181 we have the same wedding anniversary, but I got married in 2013.

ctk181

@Saraewright - Great day to get married!! 

centralperk

I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't have much advice but from what I have read molar pregnancies can be a serious thing. I know the ttcal board's blog has a post about them if you want to check that out.

4N6s

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine going to 15 weeks and knowing the heart beat stopped at 7.

Hang in there, girl.

amberlynn0913

Thank you ladies so much for the kind words. It has helped to hear from others who have recently gone through this, too.

I just got home from our follow-up and the dr said that he was wrong about the partial molar and that it was a blighted ovum. It is strange how much of a relief that was after we asked some questions and discovered that it was never forming beyond these initial stages. We realized how much differently it felt knowing that vs that our baby was forming and essentially mutating based on these chromosomal abnormalities associated with with partial molars. Regardless of that being a truth or just us wanting to categorize/define the situation better, it made us feel better.

The silver lining is that we can try again in 3 months, instead of in 6-12 and that I won't be doing loads of blood work regularly. That makes the idea of trying again less of a regulated medical experiment and more natural. Again, regardless of the validity of any of that, it certainly helped with my general demeanor and I am pretty sure I genuinely smiled for the first time in a while (that wasn't associated with my 8 year old being beyond ridiculous).

The dr prescribed zoloft (he remarked we both looked kind of rough at the appt) to help me get on at work and social functions. Has anyone else taken that before? I haven't and am nervous, I actually mentioned I wouldn't mind a xanax or something like that for a few functions I have coming up where I know I will see a million people (ok maybe 50) and didn't want to be messy in public. 

Also, I went back to school (I teach art and cooking/gardening two days a week at my sons school) and overheard some a student asking others if I was pregnant, that was a fun moment. Luckily the girls he asked knew because a sibling is in my sons class, which knew. It was certainly a kids say the darnedest thing moment. Those girls even remarked my clothes were not exactly my style. I pulled them aside later and explained nothing pre-pregnancy fits and I couldn't bring myself to wear my maternity clothes still. I got the biggest hugs from them which helped with the boys comment. 

Thanks for listening to my giant post.  

amberlynn0913

The 8 week carrying on was definately the worst to endure, I retrospectively felt like a fool, regardless of the validity.